Pretext To Argue

, , , , | Right | October 29, 2010

(I work in for a directory enquiries company, and if a customer is calling from a cellular phone, I can text them the number requested free of charge.)

Me: “[Directory Enquiries]. What number, please?”

Customer: “I called a few minutes ago and your useless colleague said he’d text me a number and he didn’t. I’d like a refund!”

Me: “I’m terribly sorry about that, ma’am.. Could you tell me the number you were looking for so I can find it, first of all?”

(The customer tells me the business.)

Me: “Actually, ma’am, it was me that you spoke to a few minutes ago, and I did text you the number.”

Customer: “Well, I didn’t get it. There must be a problem with your system! Give me a refund!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but we don’t offer refunds on the text service as it’s free of charge. I have just sent it again, so you should receive two texts now.”

Customer: “Well, give me a refund for the call then! This is unacceptable! Your system is screwed!”

Me: “We have received no other complaints regarding the text service today, so I would suggest that you make a call to your service provider as it sounds like there’s traffic congestion on your network.”

Customer: “Traffic congestion? But I’m not even driving!”

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Very Low Key Driver

, , | Right | October 16, 2010

Caller: “Hi, I need help to open my car. The beeper doesn’t work.”

Me: “Okay, have you tried to see if the keys work?”

Caller: “What do you mean?”

Me: “The car keys. They’re attached to the beeper.”

Caller: “Uh… how do I use them?”

Me: “Just like you would unlock anything that’s closed.”

Caller: “I don’t understand. I need to open the door to my car. How do I use keys to do that?”

Me: “You, uh… put the key in the keyhole, turn it around, and open the door.”

Caller: *pause* “Oh! Do you mean like the same way you open the door to a house?”

Me: “Yes, it’s quite similar to that.”

Caller: *very enthusiastic* “Wow, okay! I’ll try that! If that doesn’t work, I’ll call right back!”

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When You Don’t Want A Quick Service

, , , | Right | October 14, 2010

Customer: “I’d like to take my wife’s name off the account. She’s leaving me.”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that. It looks like your wife has already called us to do that. Is there anything else I can help you with?”

Customer: “Oh, no, it’s just all so quick. She only told me on Wednesday night and now she’s gone.”

(I check the account history and see she called us early on Tuesday. I thought it best not to tell the customer.)

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Wireless, Clueless, Hopeless, Part 6

, , , , | Right | October 12, 2010

Caller: “I called to let you know the power is out so you may see alerts.”

Me: “Thank you. I will notify the team. Is there anything else I can assist you with?”

Caller: “Yes. I can’t connect to the Internet on my laptop. I can’t find the wireless.”

Me: “Sir, the power is out, so the Internet is also down.”

Customer: “Yes, but my laptop still has batteries.”

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Getting Landlines Tangled

, , , | Right | October 8, 2010

(I call the customer.)

Customer: “Hello?”

Me: “Hello, this is [My Name]. May I please speak to [Customer]?”

Customer: “Yes, speaking.”

Me: “I am calling from [Company]. There is a slight issue with your account. Do you have a moment to discuss this issue now?”

(Long pause.)

Customer: “Hello? Hello?! Sorry, I have terrible reception here.”

Me: “Sir, I am speaking to you on your home phone.”

Customer: “What?!” *hangs up*

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