(I’m on break at a call center when a coworker comes over.)
Coworker: “Are you on break?”
Me: *looks at a coffee cup in one hand, cell phone in the other, headphones over my ears, Facebook on my monitor, and a sign saying I’m on break on my desk under his hand*
Coworker: “Oh. Well, do you have a sec?”
Me: “…yeah.”
Coworker: *with the phone on mute* “Why are you working on a computer?! Stop. Go get a hammer, and break rocks into smaller rocks. Don’t do anything that involves technology!”
(Unmutes the phone.)
Coworker: “Yes, sir. I want you to click the button that says ‘open.'”
Customer: “What is 25 multiplied by 24?”
Me: “That comes to 600.”
Customer: “WHY?!”
Me: “I’m sorry… Are you asking me why it comes to 600?”
Customer: “Yeah!”
Me: “Because of math?”
(The phone rings, and one of our field workers’ names flashes on my screen. I take the call.)
Me: “Hello.”
Colleague: *talking to someone else* “…doing f*** all. [My Name]! Sorry! Can I speak to [Office Worker]?”
Me: *laughing* “Sure, one second.”
(I transfer the call and hang up. He calls back ten minutes later to speak to someone else.)
Me: “Hello.”
Colleague: “Hi, [My Name]. I won’t swear at you this time. Did you hear that?”
Me: “Yes, just the curse. Nothing else.” *laughs again* “Hasn’t been the first time: won’t be the last!”
Colleague: “I do apologise!”
(I transferred him again, but he sounded so embarrassed that it brightened up my Friday afternoon!)
(I work for the call center of a major ticketing organization. Most of my job consists of helping people find the tickets they want and then helping them pay via the phone. Most customers are great…)
Me: “All right, that brings your total to [amount]. How would you like to pay?”
Customer: “Cash.”
Me: “Oh, I’m sorry, ma’am. I can’t hold the tickets for you so you can pay later. I have to take the payment now on a debit or credit card.”
Customer: “But I want to pay in cash.”
Me: “I understand that, but unfortunately, I cannot accept cash for an over-the-phone purchase since you can’t hand it to me.”
Customer: “You just want to steal my credit card!”
Me: “Not at all. I assure you, many people buy tickets like this every day and it’s completely safe.”
Customer: “I’M ONLY PAYING IN CASH!”
Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I simply cannot take cash as a form of payment over the phone. You are welcome to come to the theater and pay cash if you wish.”
Customer: “Well, that’s stupid; I’m not in New York.”
Me: “Unfortunately, the theater is the only place we accept cash, ma’am.”
Customer: “F*** you. I’m ordering online.”
Me: “Ma’am, you can’t pay cash online either.”
Customer: *slams phone down*
