I Sense A Rejection Letter

, | | Right | December 8, 2007

Me: “Hi, my name is ***** at ******** College, and I’m calling this evening to talk to ***** about her college search. Is she available?”

Older man who answered: “Sorry, she’s still got a few weeks left in jail.”

Me: “Uh…okay. Would you mind just taking down a couple pieces of contact information for her?”

Man: “I could take it, but I just don’t know how well it’d go, what with all the drugs she’s on right now.”

Me: “I’m sorry, is this a joke?”

Man: “No, no joke…”

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You Can Lead A Horse To Water…

, , , | | Right | November 29, 2007

(A young man from Fullerton, CA calls to get our address in Rancho Cordova, CA.)

Caller: “Rancho Cordova? What coast is that on?”

Me: “We are in California, just like you.”

Caller: “Oh… So, East?”

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For The Money I Pay, It Should Drive Itself

, , | | Right | November 15, 2007

Customer: “Hi, I have a Mercedes. How do I adjust my rear view mirror?”

Me: (Not sure if she is serious) “Well, you must manually adjust your rear view mirror.”

Customer: “What do you mean?”

Me: “Umm… take your hand and move the mirror so you can see.”

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Someone Needs To Get Out More

, | | Right | November 14, 2007

Me: “Emergency veterinary clinic, how can I help you?”

Caller: *worried female voice* “My dog has a red thing on him.”

Me: “Is it actively bleeding?”

Caller: “No.”

Me: “Where is it located?”

Caller: “On his tummy.”

Me: “Can you describe it to me? How large is it? Does it look more like a cut, a rash or an abrasion?”

Caller: “It looks like a little stick of lipstick.”

Me: “That’s his p****.”

Caller: *hangs up*

Source

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911 Grab Bag: Define “Emergency”

, , , | | Right | November 12, 2007

(The following quotes are from various phone calls made to a West Virginia 911 line.)

1. “What are the Daily Pick Four lottery numbers?”

2. “My TV is out.”

3. “How much snow/rain are we supposed to get?”

4. “Is it illegal to tape a cat to a bottle rocket?”

5. “I want to report a fraud. The government is lying to us all.”

6. “How high are gas prices going to get?”

7. “Why am I getting Error Message #781 on my computer screen?”

8. “I have never roasted a turkey before and my in-laws will be here in an hour.”

9. “I am reading this recipe. What is fennel?”

10. “I am doing my homework. What is the square root of 435?”

11. “Are crabs in season?”

12. “I wanna talk to a cop about my child support, if you can drag one away from the donut shop.”

13. “I just wanted to make sure you were all awake.”

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