(I work in a supply call center where our customers call in to order more supplies. I get a call from someone we’ve worked with for over eight years and has always been pleasant to deal with. I pull up his information from the phone number.)

Me: “[Supply Company]. This is [My Name] speaking. How can I help you today?”

Customer: *in a whispering voice* “I’m sorry for this; just play along, okay?”

Me: “I’m sorry, what?”

Customer: *suddenly yelling loudly* “I’m calling to complain about your prices for supplies! I’ve been a loyal customer for years now, and I demand you give us a discount!”

Me: *thoroughly confused* “I’m sorry, but I think you’re mistaken. You’ve been getting the loyalty discount for the past two years now.”

Customer: “That’s right! You’d better give me that discount! We give you a lot of business! You rip-off artists had better give us a free gift as well!”

(My manager pops his head out of his office. I’m embarrassed, since he is yelling over the phone loud enough for people to hear. I look over his account and see that he does receive a free gift supply due to the bulk of how much his company orders.)

Me: “Sir, you already qualify for the free gift item, and you’ve been receiving it for the past several years.”

Customer: “Look! I know that d*** well, but I don’t care! If you guys don’t do as I say, then we’ll take our business elsewhere! Furthermore, I demand [Product that we sell them] at [discounted price] instead of [price without the loyal customer discount].”

Me: “Sir, I need you to stop yelling at me. What you’re ordering now is what you’ve gotten the past three years. There is no need for this hosti—”

Customer: “Manager, now!”

(I look over at the manager and he nods for me to transfer the call. I’m a bit unnerved right now, and go I to take my break. When I come back, the manager calls me into the office.)

Manager: “So, I talked to [Customer]. I was about ready to rip into him for treating you like that, when he stopped yelling and started apologizing. Apparently, his company got a new supervisor who is one of those idiots who thinks that by yelling you can get better deals. He told me to tell you he’s sorry he had to yell at you.”

(I was a bit blindsided by that, but put a note on his file for the next person so they would know not to take it personally. A few days later, I got a lovely apology basket from that caller.)

(I have finished troubleshooting a customer’s mobile device and determined she needs to do a master reset. I am setting a callback to check up after it’s completed.)

Me: “And what time would you like me to call you back?”

Customer: “2:30.”

Me: “Okay, and what time zone are you in?”

Customer: “2:30.”

Me: “Yep, 2:30. Which time zone do you live in?”

Customer: “2:30… pm.”

Me: “Right. 2:30. I just need to know which timezone you’re in, because I’m in the Central time zone, and my 2:30 could be different than your 2:30.”

Customer: “2:30 pm… in the afternoon.”

Me: *long pause* “Okay, what state do you live in?”

Customer: “The United States.”

Me: “Excellent, and which one?”

Customer: “Atlanta.”

Me: “Okay, awesome. You’re in the Eastern time zone.”

Related:
No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 13
No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 12
No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 11
No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 10
No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 9

(I work at a call centre doing technical support for a rather popular brand of smartphones.)

Me: “Welcome to [Company]. My name is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Hello, I’m unable to make calls with my new phone.”

(As soon as he says this, I start going over things that can go wrong with a new phone to cause this problem, but I still start with basic troubleshooting.)

Me: “Okay, I’m sorry to hear that. Have you checked to see so that the SIM-card is inserted the correct way?”

(This is a problem that is more common than I want to believe)

Customer: “Oh, no, my provider hasn’t sent that out to me yet.”

(I work at a call centre doing technical support for a rather popular brand of smartphones.)

Me: “Welcome to [Company]. My name is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Hi. I can’t add my email account to my phone. I just keep getting error messages that it’s not available.”

Me: “Okay, I’m sure we can do something here. If you can please try to add the account again, just so that I can get the exact error message?”

(The customer does that and gives me a very common error message that can mean just about anything, from the phone being disconnected from the Internet to the email server being down. So, to narrow it down, I start with something that I can actually help with.)

Me: “Do you have an active Internet connection?”

Customer: “No. Why do I need that?”

Me: *long pause* “You need to have an active Internet connection, so that the phone can connect to the email server, so that it can add your account. Just like on your computer, it needs Internet to be able to reach the emails that you have waiting for you.”

Customer: “Really? That’s not how I thought it would work.”

(He then hung up and left me wondering how he thought it would work to access your email without having Internet.)

(I work at a call centre for a waste services company. It is Friday evening at 4:30; we close at five. I need to make some calls to confirm to people that their hazardous waste is getting picked up in the next week.)

Me: “Hello. This is [My Name] for [Company]. Am I talking to [Garage] in [Town]?”

Customer: “Yeah, that’s us; what do you want?”

Me: “Well, sir, I’m calling to confirm that your hazardous waste is going to get picked up next Wednesday. But we were wondering if you had an email address so we could email you in the future?”

Customer: “You don’t need my f****** email!”

Me: “An email would be to your advantage, sir, as you would have written proof should something ever go wrong.”

Customer: “You don’t need my email, and I didn’t order anything; cancel it.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir; I can’t cancel anything unless I have written proof, but you can email me at [my company email address].”

Customer: “You b****! You can’t trick me like that! CANCEL IT!”

Me: “Sir, I’m sorry that there is some confusion; you are [Garage], correct?”

Customer: “Yes, and I didn’t order anything!”

Me: “Sir, it says you ordered an emptying of your hazardous waste on [date], and you gave us your personal code.”

Customer: “You can’t prove that that was me; cancel it!”

Me: “Sir, I can’t cancel anything unless I have written proof, so you can email me or fax me.”

Customer: “You can’t f****** prove it was me, b****! CANCEL IT!”

(This little back and forth continues for 20 minutes, at which point two of my colleagues and my manager are listening in, as well, because I’m only doing a summer student job here.)

Customer: “I’ll f****** burn down your building and dump my waste on your head, you b****, and you can’t f****** prove that it was me, so CANCEL! I DIDN’T F****** ORDER ANYTHING!”

Me: “And I could be the bloody queen for all you know. Goodbye.” *hangs up*

Manager: “You had more patience than I would have thought you had; well done!”

Me: “Yeah, but do I need to mail the sales representative or something?”

Manager: “Nah, never mind that. If he doesn’t accept our services the fee for refusal will be enough for us to laugh about!”