This Conversation Has Run Out Of Batteries

, | MI, USA | Working | May 11, 2017

(A movie viewing app on my aunt’s phone has been giving an error message and she asks me to try and fix it. I try to look it up to try and fix it myself, but when I look up the error it seems too complex for me. I try contacting the call center but since it is the weekend they are closed. I am about to give up when I realize what I had found online seems like it could be a problem within the android phone itself. So I decide to call her [Phone Brand] support center to see if they can help.)

Support: “Hello, my name is [Name]. What is the problem today?”

Me: “Hi, my aunt’s phone has been getting an error when she is in an app. It is the [App] app. When she starts a movie she is getting an error message the message is [Error Message]. From what I looked up it could be a problem with it being an android device.”

Support: “I’m sorry; what was the error message?”

Me: “It’s [Error Message].”

Support: *pause* “Have you tried taking out the battery and putting it back in?”

Me: *pauses* “Nope, not dealing with this…” *hangs up*

(It doesn’t take a phone expert to realize that if you are able to open the app then the phone is running fine. Taking out the battery is not going to do anything to fix an app. I expected suggestions like clearing cache or data but not something as irrelevant as the battery. I was just not in the mood to deal with ignorance. Granted, I get that the phone provider might not be able to do anything about it; I just figured it was worth a try.)

Someone Should Explain Where The ‘G’ In GMT Comes From

| UK | Right | May 10, 2017

Me: “Good afternoon. You are speaking to—”

Customer: “Do you know how long I have been waiting?”

Me: “The log says you have been on the call for seven minutes.”

Customer: “TWO HOURS!”

Me: “Have you tried calling before?”

Customer: “No!”

Me: “Then all I can say is the call has lasted seven, now eight, minutes.”

Customer: “No, I woke up two hours ago, and you weren’t open. I have been waiting!”

Me: “Sir, we have been open since eight am—”

Customer: “AND IT’S JUST GONE EIGHT! You need to open sooner.”

Me: “Sir, might I ask where you are calling from?”

Customer: “[City].”

Me: “And where is that exactly?”

Customer: *huffs* “F****** NEW JERSEY!”

Me: “Ah, I see. You are on American Eastern Time, which is, I think, five or six hours behind the UK, which is where you have called.”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “You’re wrong. Everywhere follows America. Everywhere is the same time. You’re stupid. I hope you DIE! IT’S EIGHT EVERYWHERE, YOU F*****G R*****!” *slams the phone down*

Mobile Strike

| Sydney, NSW, Australia | Right | May 10, 2017

(With our credit cards, if you purchase your airline ticket on them, we give you free travel insurance. The PDS (Product Disclosure Statement) for this is available online only as a PDF.)

Caller: “I want a brochure sent out for the travel insurance. I don’t want to have to print it out.”

Me: “Well, you don’t need to print it out. You can just download it, then email it to yourself so you can access it overseas on your phone if you need to.”

Caller: “I don’t have a mobile phone.”

Me: “Sir, there is a mobile number on your file, and I can see that you’re calling from it.”

(He hung up.)

Not A Good Friday

| Lincolnshire, IL, USA | Right | May 8, 2017

(This occurs on Monday after Easter weekend.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. This is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, I want to know why my delivery was delayed. It was supposed to be delivered last week.”

Me: “I’m sorry about that. Let me take a look at your order.”

(I get her information to retrieve the order on my computer. The original delivery estimate and current status come up first, so I give her that while waiting for the tracking history details to come up.)

Me: “I show that the package was originally estimated for delivery on Friday, but the driver was not able to deliver, so it is on a truck for delivery today.”

Customer: “Can you tell me why they weren’t able to deliver it on Friday?”

Me: “Did you close early on Friday for the holiday weekend?”

(Note: Many of our customers the previous week had been telling us they would close early on Friday, or even be closed the entire day, so that we could schedule their delivery around that. Her order did not have any notations about that.)

Customer: “No, we didn’t. We were closed all day on Friday.” *pause* “I guess that would explain it, wouldn’t it?”

Me: “Yes, that would explain it.”

Where Gun Control Is In Control

| England, UK | Right | May 4, 2017

(I used to work in the National Recruitment Centre for the British Army, and dealt with a lot of candidates applying to join. I was responsible for contacting candidates to stream them into the correct profession and often received a lot of phone calls with candidates asking me questions. The phone rings.)

Me: “Good morning, this is the National Recruitment Centre. [My Name] speaking. How can I help you today?”

Caller: “Hi. Yeah, I just wanted to ask you a few questions about my application.”

(This is a voice I recognise, and I realise I’ve dealt with this customer before. I do the usual security checks to confirm his identity before I can discuss his application.)

Me: “Okay, thank you for calling. What exactly can I help you with?”

Caller: “I wanted to ask about the basic training when I start.”

Me: “Sure, what about it?”

Caller: “Is it true that the fitness regime is difficult?”

Me: “Well, I’d be lying if I said it was easy. I’ve got an example of the training circuits I can send to you by email, as well as the details of the minimum fitness, if you like?”

Caller: “Okay, that would be perfect. I look forward to receiving it.”

Me: “I will do. Anything else I can help with?” *thinking this is an easy call*

Caller: “One more. When they give us the gun in training, would I be allowed to take it home and teach my kids to shoot with it?”

(This question surprised me. In the UK we don’t tend to just give guns to people for them to keep and have fun with.)

Me: “It’s… not really YOUR gun, sir. It’s not part of the kit they give you to keep.”

Caller: “Oh, that’s a shame. Well, would I be able to bring my own gun to training with me?”

*speechless*

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