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Email Fail, Part 9

| Canada | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Technology

Me: “Hello! You’ve reached [Company]. How can I help you today!”

Customer: “This is an outrage! I received your coupon email, but it won’t work on your site!”

Me: “Okay, could I please have the coupon code to check it?”

Customer: “Which coupon code? I have nothing like that!”

Me: “Oh, I thought you said you had received an email. Wasn’t there a coupon code there?”

Customer: “You mean I have to READ the email?!”

Related:
Email Fail, Part 8
Email Fail, Part 7
Email Fail, Part 6

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This Is Not Their Calling

| Kansas City, KS, USA | Bad Behavior

(I facilitate conference calls, and one of my duties is to call people to connect them to their call. I’m calling a client to connect them to a scheduled call when this happens.)

Me: “Hello, Mr. [Client]. I’m calling from [Conference Center] to connect you to—”

Client: “What is this all about? I don’t have a call today!”

Me: “I have you scheduled to attend [Call Title] today at [Time]—”

Client: “Bull-s***! That call isn’t today! You people NEVER get our calls right! DON’T CALL ME BACK!”

Me: “But, sir, I have [Attendee Name #1], [Attendee Name #2], and [Attendee Name #3] holding on the line and they are waiting for you to join so they can begin the conference!”

Client: “Well, why are you wasting so much time? People are WAITING for me! Put me in the d*** call already!”

Me: *face-palm* “One moment, sir.”

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Needs Some Geographical Assurance

| ON, Canada | Geography

(I work for a Canadian cell phone provider. I live in Canada, and my customers are Canadians.)

Customer: “Hey I’m travelling to Los Cabos and the last time I went there I added an American add-on and I was still charged, so I want to make sure this doesn’t happen again.”

Me: “Of course, sir, I’ll be happy to help. It seems that Los Cabos is actually in Mexico which is in Zone One. These are some of the add-ons we offer for Zone One.” *provides different options*

Customer: “Wow, those are pretty expensive… The last time I got some travel add-ons they weren’t so expensive!”

Me: “Right, they gave you the wrong travel add-on, remember? The US travel pass is less expensive but you’re going to Mexico.”

Customer: “But Mexico is part of the United States!”

Me: “Um… No, Mexico is not part of the United States, sir.”

Customer: “Wait, Mexico is NOT part of the United States?!”

Me: “No, sir, it’s not part of the United States.”

Customer: “Huh, I guess they changed it.”

Me: “I’m pretty sure it’s been like that for a while now.”

Customer: “…”

Me: “You know, Trump and his wall to keep them out and all…”

Customer: “…”

Me: “All right, then, would you like to add one of the travel passes?”

Customer: “I’ll have to talk to my wife about this.”

Me: “Okay, have a good night!”

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Keeping A Deadly Account

| Manila, The Philippines | Criminal & Illegal, Liars & Scammers

(I work for a call center that helps customers with their credit card concerns.)

Me: “[Credit Card Company]. This is [My Name]. How can I help?”

Caller: “Hello. I would like to know my balance, please.”

Me: “I will be more than happy to help you with that. May I have your card number?”

Caller: “I do not have that with me; can I give you my social instead?”

Me: “Sure. May I have your social?”

Caller: “It’s [Social Security Number].”

Me: “And may I have your name?”

Caller: “[Caller].”

Me: “Thanks, [Caller]. And can I have the four-digit PIN associated with the account?”

Caller: “I do not know that.”

(Even early on, I know that the caller is a fraudster. I see something on the account that I can use to shut him down.)

Me: “Thanks, [Caller]. Now, before I continue, can I ask you one question? Do you believe in resurrection?”

Caller: “Yes, why?”

Me: “Because you may have risen from the dead as the owner of this account has recently passed away.”

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Your Last (Tele)Port Of Call

| Albuquerque, NM, USA | Crazy Requests

(I have a call from a customer who has a defective phone. I work with her to get a replacement. She just has to send hers back and pick up the new one when this conversation happens…)

Me: “Okay, now that is all set. What is your physical address so I can find you the closest store.”

Customer: “I’m a truck driver.You can’t expect me to try to park my truck at one of your stores!”

Me: “No problem, ma’am. I’ll have it shipped to you.”

Customer: “Are you deaf or something? I’m a truck driver. You can’t mail me anything. It will get stolen while I’m on the road!”

Me: “Ma’am, how do you expect me to get you your phone that we just ordered if you refuse to go to a store but also refuse to let use ship it to you?”

Customer: “That’s your problem, not mine. Figure it out!” *click*

(Later when passing on the information to my boss, he said, clearly upset with me, “What? Why didn’t you tell her about our newly adopted teleportation delivery system? I’m very disappointed in you!” )

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