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Don’t Question The Questions

| Norfolk, England, UK | Bad Behavior, Liars & Scammers, Popular, Rude & Risque

(We have to ensure a customer is who they say they are by asking them some security questions. Many customers get angry at this, but it’s the law. I get a call from an old man who gives me the account number.)

Me: “Okay, sir, I need you to confirm your name.”

Customer: *confirms name*

Me: “Wonderful. What is your date of birth?”

Customer: “None of your bloody business.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but I have to ask you some security questions to ensure you are who you say you are.”

Customer: “Are you new? You seem really unsure of yourself and I don’t think you know what you’re doing.”

Me: “How long I have worked here is irrelevant. You must answer these security questions. It has been the law for some time now. If you do not answer these questions I cannot discuss your policy with you.”

Customer: “That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard!” *hangs up*

(A few hours go by and I think nothing of it. Then my manager comes up to me looking very upset. Apparently the customer called and made a complaint and said I asked him lots of inappropriate questions including what his wife’s bra size was! I assure that I said no such thing and my manager goes off and listens to the call. I am then invited in with her into one of our training rooms when she calls the customer so I can listen in.)

Manager: “Hello, Mr. [Customer]. My name is [Manager]. I am the manager. I have looked at your complaint. I have listened to the call and I think you may have misunderstood my colleague. She did not ask for your wife’s bra size and she was following the data protection act as she has been instructed to do as is both the law and our company policy.”

Customer: “So, you’re saying that because you didn’t hear her ask those horrible, personal questions about my wife’s breasts on that recording of yours that it didn’t happen?!”

Manager: “…Yes. That’s exactly what I’m saying, sir.”

(The customer hung up.)

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A Tow-tal Breakdown

| Lexington, KY, USA | Crazy Requests, Criminal & Illegal, Popular, Transportation

(I work at a roadside assistance call center. I take calls for customers who need a tow, tire change, unlocking, etc…)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]; are you in a safe location?”

Caller: “Hello? I need you to tow my car.”

Me: “All right, where is the car located?”

Caller: “I don’t know. That’s why I need you to get it.”

Me: *thinking she broke down and didn’t know where she was* “Okay, what city are you in?”

Caller: “Me? I’m in Cincinnati. That’s where you can bring it when you get it.”

Me: “Oh, is someone else with the car?”

Caller: “Yeah, my boyfriend.”

Me: “Okay… Do you want to have him call me with an address of the car’s location?”

Caller: “He’s not answering his phone.”

Me: “Well, we need to know where the car is in order to tow it somewhere.”

Caller: “Are you listening to me? I don’t know where it is! My boyfriend got mad and took off with it! That’s why I need you to bring it back!”

Me: “Ma’am, we can’t tow a vehicle unless we know where it is.”

Caller: “Why the heck not?”

Me: “Where would we send the tow truck? If you don’t know where the car is, how do you expect us to find it?”

Caller: “Well, what else am I supposed to do? He took my car without my permission!”

Me: “Perhaps you should call the police.”

Caller: “You know what? That’s a great idea!” *click*

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Not-So-Smart Phone, Part 14

, | Houston, TX, USA | Extra Stupid, Popular, Technology

(I work for a large cell phone provider.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Cell Phone Provider]. This is [My Name]. How may I assist you today?”

Caller: “Yes. Every time my phone rings and I try to answer it, my phone shuts off. It happens every time.”

Me: “Well, that is pretty odd. Let me see if I can figure out what the issue with your handset is.”

(After spending almost an hour trying to look up account info and diagnose what could possibly be wrong with this woman’s phone with no luck, I am about to give up and replace the phone.)

Me: “So that I can write up in your account what exactly is happening so we can replace your phone, what button are you pushing when trying to answer the phone?”

Caller: “The ‘Push When Ringing’ button.”

Me: “I’m sorry, which button?”

Caller: “’Push When Ringing.’ You know? P-W-R.”

Me: “I think I know the problem…”

Related:
Not-So-Smart Phone, Part 13
Not-So-Smart Phone, Part 12
Not-So-Smart Phone, Part 11