License To Be A Girl

| OH, USA | Bizarre, Popular, Transportation

Caller: “I need to file a claim. The tow truck driver removed equipment from my car.”

Me: “What equipment was taken off?”

(Anything bolted or wired into the vehicle is considered part of the vehicle, all other items will be removed for storage in case the vehicle goes to the auction.)

Caller: “My license plate.”

Me: “…”

Caller: “Hello?”

Me: “…Did you say your license plate?”

(These are legally considered personal property and we HAVE to remove them for storage.)

Caller: “Yes. Now I have to take it to a mechanic to have them put it back on.”

Me: “Ma’am, it’s two screws that are probably still on the vehicle. All you need is a screw driver or a quarter to stick in the grooves on the screw head.”

Caller: “BUT I’M A GIRL! I don’t know how to use any of those tool things!”

Me: *looks down… yep… still a girl… wonders if my voice is particularly manly today* “Ma’am, I will call the company that towed your car. The guy there owes me a favor. Just turn around and politely ask them to replace the plate. If you’re nice to them, they’ll be nice to you.”

Caller: “For free?”

Me: “I’ll arrange for them to waive the fees.”

(This happened to be my monitored call for the month. My manager laughed her way through my review.)

Receiving Way Too Much

| Oklahoma City, OK, USA | Health & Body, Technology

(I walk a customer through performing a system test on the satellite receiver in his living room.)

Me: “Okay, sir, that one works fine. Can you test the one in your bedroom?”

Customer: “Yeah. Let me get back there.” *he then proceeds to ask about the weather in our area as I hear fluid trickling in the background*

Me: *I finish describing the weather, still hearing a trickle* “Are you ready to test your bedroom receiver now, sir?”

Customer: “Well, I’m in the bathroom now. Hang on.”

Has Zero Ability To Improve The Situation

| Australia | Extra Stupid, Technology

(I’m doing a survey, asking business managers to rate how happy they are with various insurance providers they are currently using.)

Me: “How would you rate [Insurance Company]?”

Respondent: “Zero, because the service has been terrible and the claims process was really bad. We have been really unhappy with them.”

Me: “And how often do you go to market for quotes from other insurance companies that are not currently covering you?”

Respondent: “Oh, we never have. We stick with what we know…”

All About The Details

| Montreal, QC, Canada | Holidays, Theme Of The Month

(I work in a call center for a company that offers protections plans online. A lot of customers buy plans for Christmas presents this time of year, and will call us to have the plan transferred from them to the person they’re gifting the item and plan to. This happens during a transfer call.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Team]. My name is [My Name]! How can I help you today?”

Caller: “Hi, I bought a plan online a few days ago and I wanted it to be switched to my son and his wife, but it’s a Christmas present so I don’t want them to get anything before then.”

Me: “Sure thing! I’ll be glad to help you with that. Just before we get into it though, do you have their name, address, phone number, and email address? I’ll need all of that to transfer the plan.”

Caller: “Did you hear what I said? I don’t want them to get anything.”

Me: “No, I understand. I just want to make sure we’re not wasting your time by getting halfway through the transfer, realize we don’t have all we need, and have to tell you to call back later.”

Caller: “Oh, uh, sure. All right.”

Me: “Great! So which name would you like us to use?”

Caller: “Uh, [Wife’s First Name]… Never mind, I don’t know her last name. [Son’s Full Name].”

Me: “Thanks! And what’s his phone number?”

Caller: “Well, they moved so I don’t have their address. I’ll have to go downstairs to get it.”

Keeping The Holiday Spirit Refrigerated

| Belleville, ON, Canada | Holidays, Theme Of The Month

(This is a number of years ago at a popular store call centre at Christmas time. I was in high school trying to make money for gas.)

Me: “Happy Holidays and thank you for choosing [Store]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Well, I ordered a fridge from you a few weeks ago and they said it would be here by Christmas, but it’s not here yet.”

Me: “Okay, do you have your [Store] card on you?”

(I look her information up and confirm the security details.)

Me: “Okay, it says here that your order has been back-ordered, and unfortunately may not arrive in time for Christmas.”

Customer: “What? It has to be here for Christmas. When I ordered it the person PROMISED me it would be here by Christmas.”

Me: “Well, let me double check some things here, make sure there isn’t anything missed.” *I go through different paths coming to the same conclusion* “Unfortunately, the fridge may not arrive until the New Year. Apparently it’s a very popular model.”

Customer: “Well, that doesn’t help me! You guys PROMISED me it would be here!”

Me: “And it will be, but unfortunately—”

Customer: “No! You PROMISED it would be here, so what are you going to do to fix this?!”

Me: “I— uh, well, the only solution I can think of is you could try reordering it and return one when they both arrive for a full refund, bringing you back to as if you’d only bought one.”

Customer: “You think that would work?”

Me: “It could. I’m not making any promises, but it says here if you order this today it would get there just after Christmas. It’s not perfect, but it’s not the New Year, either.”

Customer: “Okay, well, do that then.”

Me: “Okay, so you’ll order another fridge and send one back when the other one arrives?”

Customer: “Yes, that will do.”

Me: “Okay, can I get your [credit card number] again?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “No, if I give you number you’re just going to charge it again.”

Me: “Yes, we have to charge the card to order a new fridge for you. We can’t send one to you for free.”

Customer: “Well, that’s what you said!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but we cannot send you a free fridge on faith that you’ll send one back.”

Customer: “Well that’s just wonderful, isn’t it?! First you won’t send me the fridge YOU PROMISED would get here BY CHRISTMAS, then you want to charge me A SECOND TIME for the fridge YOU STILL WON’T SEND ME! Never mind, I guess I’ll just have to wait until AFTER Christmas and ruin it for them then. Thanks a lot!” *click*