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How Low Can You Go?

, , , , , | Right | January 19, 2021

I’ve been working in a call centre for the last two years dealing with very irate customers, to the point that my manager has jokingly referred to me as “stinker magnet”.

Customer: “I think my bill is wrong.”

Me: “Okay, let me load that up to see. Whilst I’m doing so, what isn’t correct about it?”

Customer: “It can’t be correct; it’s too low.”

I look to my colleague beside me with a bewildered look.

Me: “Yes, I can see here your monthly bill is £72, which is pretty average this time of year—”

Customer: “Listen, that is too low. I know it is. For the great inconvenience this has caused me and has screwed up my finances this month, I demand a 50% discount.”

I am stunned, mouthing words I shouldn’t.

Me: “I’m very sorry, sir, but we are unable to give discounts because a bill is too low. If it was high I would be willing to work something out with you and maybe offer you a discount but I cannot do so if you think it is too low.”

Customer: “No, you will get me that discount because I am a customer and I am right. I am also a very respected accountant so I know I am entitled to this. If you will not do your job, get me your manager.”

I know I won’t get anywhere with this one. I flag a manager over who asks what it was about, and I just tell them to ask.

Manager: “Hello there, my name is [Very Common Name] and I am a manager. How can I help you today?”

I’m biting my lip hard and trying not to burst out laughing.

Manager: “I’m sorry, can you repeat that? Did you just ask for a 50% discount because your bill is lower than you expected and it is causing you a massive inconvenience?”

Everyone in close vicinity turns to listen in. The customer is now screaming obscenities so loudly it can be heard over the headset.

Manager: “No, sir, I can assure you that I nor my employee are incompetent. She has already told you she would’ve been willing to negotiate a discount if you thought it was high, but you cannot get a discount because it is lower than what you expected. Goodbye.”

Getting Nowhere At This Rates

, , , , | Right | January 18, 2021

I work in a call center, taking customer service calls for a fairly popular online bank. A woman calls in asking about our interest rates. Great! I start quoting her some of what we offer.

Customer: “God, this is so confusing! I don’t get you people’s rates. This makes no sense!”

Me: “Well, I apologize for any confusion you may be experiencing, but I would be more than happy to clarify. May I ask what aspect of this is confusing you?”

Customer: “No, you most certainly cannot! What you can do is get me your manager!”

Any time a customer asks for a manager, company policy requires that we try to de-escalate the call at least once.

Me: “Well, I really would like to help you, ma’am—”

Customer: *Cutting me off* “Bulls***! Get me your manager, now.”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. Is it all right if I put you on hold while I get a hold of them for you?”

Customer: “Yes, fine, whatever! I can’t f****** believe this.”

I put the customer on hold, get my manager, and explain to her everything that has happened so far. She then takes over the call. Another note: the way we do that, I can now only hear my manager’s end of the call; I cannot hear the customer.

Manager: “Hi, Ms. [Customer]. My name is [Manager]. I was told you wished to speak with me?”

There’s a pause while the customer speaks.

Manager: “Well, I’m very sorry to hear that you’ve had this exper—”

Presumably, the customer cuts her off here.

Manager: “You know what? Let me look into this for you and see what might be going on. Is it all right if I put you on ho—”

Again, she is presumably interrupted.

Manager: “I understand, ma’am, and I do sincerely apolo— Aaaand she hung up.”

The manager turns to me.

Manager: “She was claiming you called her an idiot, but I know you, and there is no way that is even remotely true.”

We ended up reporting the customer to corporate, who listened to the recording and decided they didn’t want this woman anywhere near our bank. She was subsequently barred from doing business with us.

NoReply Email Fail

, , , | Right | January 15, 2021

This particular customer has been emailing back and forth with several of my coworkers. He is disputing a charge to his credit card.

Customer: “I’ve emailed you over a month ago to cancel my subscription!”

I take over the case, and he sends me a copy of the email he sent. I take one look and immediately see what the problem is.

Me: “I can see from the information you have sent me that you sent your cancellation to an unmanned email address. This is an address that our system uses to automatically send confirmations and such to customers. Emails sent to this address do not reach our customer service centre.”

Customer: “And that’s my fault?!”

Yes. Yes, it is.

Can’t Hear You Over The Sound Of Your Ovaries, Part 10

, , , | Right | January 14, 2021

I work for a store that sells purely electronics and I’m female.

Customer: “I need to speak to someone in electronics who’s not you.”

I roll my eyes but continue.

Me: “Sure, what is your question?”

Customer: “No I need someone in electronics!”

Me: “Yes, sir. I just need to know your question so I can get you to the right department in the store.”

Customer: “I need electronics! Get me someone who knows what they’re doing. Unlike you.”

I’m done and I drop the Customer Service voice.

Me: “We are an electronics store. It’s all we sell. Without knowing what you need, I can’t help you or get someone to help you. What do you need?”

He sputtered and then hung up.

Related:
Can’t Hear You Over The Sound Of Your Ovaries, Part 9
Can’t Hear You Over The Sound Of Your Ovaries, Part 8
Can’t Hear You Over The Sound Of Your Ovaries, Part 7
Can’t Hear You Over The Sound Of Your Ovaries, Part 6
Can’t Hear You Over The Sound Of Your Ovaries, Part 5

Welcome To Not Always Right, [New Hire]!

, , , | Working | January 12, 2021

I’m training a new employee in a side-by-side where he sits next to me and looks at the screen at what I’m doing while listening in on the call with a second headset. I’m a middle-aged woman with lots of experience in customer services and as a trainer. My trainee is a young man just starting his first job.

I’ve just deescalated a very angry customer and fulfilled his request.

Me: “Thank you for your business and have a great weekend!” *Click*

New Hire: “Wow, that sounded so sincere! As if you really meant it!”

Me: “That’s probably because I meant it.”

New Hire: “But he was so rude!”

Me: “He wasn’t rude, though. Just angry. And rightfully so. Had I been double charged and then dealt with like this, I’d be angry, too.”

New Hire: “But still he could have been friendlier! He was so unfriendly and curt. He should… I don’t know. He should care more for you. That was a lot you had to do and it was so complicated to sort out.”

Me: “Why should he? As far as he knows, I’m paid to do this job. And my job is to take calls of people who have issues with us. I’m here to take care of them and not the other way around. Besides, that was a huge mess-up from our side and it’s the fourth time he had to call to sort that out; for that, he was still very friendly and patient.”

The customer was indeed very friendly, although curt and rightfully angry.

New Hire: “Well, I still found him to be very rude! He accused you of lying when you told him everything was sorted now.”

Me: “No, he didn’t accuse me of lying. He just asked for written confirmation because he’s been told three times already that the issue had been sorted and still got an invoice.”

New Hire: “I don’t see how that’s not rude. He still didn’t believe you, and you even gave him a gift card! I’d never given him a gift card after that.”

I shrug and let it go. It doesn’t seem worth the effort. It’s clear he doesn’t get it. The customer had a serious complaint and had to call repeatedly to get it solved even though it should have been a one-click issue. I felt he deserved a gift card. I take the next call, hoping I’ll get a really rude customer to show the new hire the difference and that he’ll understand then why I didn’t think the other customer was rude.

I promptly get my wish fulfilled. The next customer comes in yelling over my greeting already. She’s totally outraged at something and it’s a hassle to just get her to confirm her data to get up her account.

Then, it turns out the thing she’s so outraged about is a billing difference of just 5€. After a price check, I confirm she’s right. She has indeed been overcharged 5€ on her 650€ order. I apologize, correct the overcharge, and send her a corrected bill. She screeches about my incompetence, the incompetence of the company as a whole, and my family’s incompetence the whole time. But I bring this to an end and even manage to distract her from asking for a manager. She demands all kinds of things, all of which I turn down.

Me: “I’m sorry for your inconvenience. Thank you for bringing this to our attention. Have a great weekend.” *Click*

The new trainee sits next to me completely stunned.

New Hire: “Wow.”

Me: “Well, yes. That was one rude customer. Any questions?”

New Hire: “How could you stay so calm? How could you let her say all this to you?”

Me: “Oh, that’s easy. I don’t care about her. I don’t care about any of them, really.”

The new hire looks at me as if I’ve grown a second head and I feel the urge to explain some more.

Me: “You see, I don’t care much for people in general. I’m not interested in their feelings, I don’t care for their opinions, and it doesn’t matter to me at all how they behave. If they’re too loud, I turn the volume at my headset down. All I care for is getting through the day as smoothly as possible, going home, and getting my money. The easiest way to achieve that is by doing everything strictly by the book. Follow the script to a T. Don’t get involved. Don’t believe anything you can’t see in the system.

“If there’s something wrong, correct it. If there isn’t, let them know as gently as possible. Stay firm and don’t get involved in discussions or try to dispute opinions; those people are not worth your time or thoughts more than necessary.

“Regarding gift cards and courtesies: here’s the guideline. Just do what it says; it gives a very good lead to keep good customers happy by compensating our faults and drive scammers away who don’t get any. Don’t try doing favours to bad customers to make them like you. They won’t. Don’t try to punish customers you don’t like, either. They’ll only call again and hassle a colleague.”

New Hire: “…”

Me: “Don’t forget, those people haven’t called you and they don’t talk to you, either. So don’t behave as if they do.”

New Hire: “Well, with whom do they think they’re speaking, then?”

Me: “The company, of course. It’s their number they’ve called. If you’re lucky, they realize during the call that you’re a real person. And you have a little wiggle room when it comes to compensation and I tell you, it’s very satisfying to use that on customers like the man we had first and give them the next higher gift card for being still so friendly. But in the end, if you really want this job, you need to separate yourself from it. Stop caring what a total stranger has to say about a person they don’t even acknowledge.”

New Hire: “So… just do the job it is, then.”

Me: “Right. Just do what you’re paid for and do it to your best ability. You’re paid for taking calls, analysing issues, compensating if needed, and following the guidelines. That is why I can honestly say, ‘Thank you for your call,’ even to nasty people. It’s my job. I don’t get paid to get angry or care for their opinions. So why bother? As long as other people mess up and those customers call, I’ve got a job and get paid.

“Besides, didn’t you hear that woman getting all agitated when she couldn’t get a reaction out of me? Wasn’t that funny? How she howled and b****ed and I still told her no? It was so obvious she wanted me to shrivel and snivel in front of her and she didn’t get it!”

The new hire laughs a little and looks at me in a different way.

New Hire: “Yeah, I guess you’re right. They definitely don’t pay enough for us to be therapists for anger management.”

After that, he listened less to how the customers talked to me but started concentrating on what issues they had and how to solve them. We made very good progress that day, and the next day, I let him take the calls and assisted him with the tasks from the side. He was very good and finished his training much faster than expected. We still work together and I’m very proud of him since he has become one of our best workers.

It’s hard not to care about the nasty customers, but if the new hires can get the knack of it, they often find that the job can be quite funny, too, and that it has its benefits.


This story is part of our Best Of January 2021 roundup!

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