Maybe If You Watch It At 88 MPH

| Calgary, AB, Canada | Technology

(I’m on the phone with an irate customer who feels like she has been cheated by my company after purchasing a PVR (aka a DVR, or digital video recorder). Apparently, she misunderstood the previous rep who sold it to her. We have been arguing for quite some time.)

Customer: “I can’t get my money back? Why not? I was told that this PVR unit would let me watch shows that normally come on at 9pm whenever I wanted.”

Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, but we can’t refund the item as it is past 30 days since you purchased it. Furthermore, there is no technology available that functions as you describe.”

Customer: “This is ridiculous! What’s the point of buying this PVR if I can’t watch shows earlier?”

Me: “Ma’am, the unit is called a PVR. It’s a personal video recorder, and it allows you to record programs to watch at a later time. It is not a time machine.”

Customer: *click*

Weeding Out The Dumb Ones

| Cleveland, OH, USA | Extra Stupid

(I take calls about various do-it-yourself products for lawn and garden and insect control.)

Me: “How can I help you?”

Customer: “Your product is defective!”

Me: “Okay, what product?”

Customer: “[Brand name] weed and grass killer!”

Me: “Okay, what is the problem?”

Customer: “It killed my grass!”

Me: “Um, it is weed and grass killer.”

Customer: “Yes, but it doesn’t say good grass!”

Me: “You’re right. However, grass covers all grass types.”

Customer: “Well, it should say on the label it kills good grass.”

Me: “Actually, it does on the back. It lists all the grasses it kills, and your grass is listed.”

Customer: “Well, it should tell you to read the label before use!”

Me: “Actually, it does. See that stop sign on the back?”

Customer: “Yes!”

Me: “And right after, it says read entire label before use.”

Customer: “Well, it should say it on the front so I can see it!”

Me: “I’ll put your request into corporate…”

Related:
Customer: Impossible
Customer: Impossible, Part 2

Good Luck Getting A Word In Equal-wise

| Norway | Spouses & Partners

(I work for a power company. When we call up a customer, we only get the name of the person the bills are sent to, and it’s not unusual for us to speak with his or her spouse instead. This was apparently the case here. It should be noted that I am female.)

Customer: “Hello?”

Me: “Hello, this is [my name] from [power company]. Is [husband’s name] available?”

Customer: “Let me tell you, in this house, we are equal! I want nothing of that around here!”

Me: “I am very sorry if you took offence, ma’am, but I only saw your husband’s name on my screen—”

Customer: “Well, we are equal! If you’re going to come here with that kind of thing, I want nothing more to do with you!”

Me: “Yes, I do apologise, but—”

Customer: “If that is how you people treat us, you can forget about us being customers! In this house, we’re equal!”

Me: “I am very sorry, and I apologize for any inconvenience!”

Customer: *hangs up*