Wild Accusations

| Asheville, NC, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “I keep seeing a charge for $9.99 on my account. Why do you people keep charging me $9.99?”

Me: “Sir, that charge is coming not from us, but from GGW.”

Customer: “What the h*** is GGW? People are stealing my money and you do nothing! So what the h*** is GGW?”

(I have seen the charge for GGW before. I usually just use the abbreviation to spare the customer.))

Me: “Sir, GGW stands for Girls Gone–”

Customer: “Oh yeah. Never mind I remember now…uh…bye.” *click*

Ghost Ship

| USA | Uncategorized

(Sadly, my the sailing instructor died 4 days ago.)

Caller: “Hi, I’m calling about the sailing lessons.”

Me: “I’m terribly sorry, but I can’t help you with that.”

Caller: “Oh, please, I really want sailing lessons, I saw them on the website with [sailing instructor] and I want to learn how to sail!”

Me: “I’m sorry but [sailing instructor] just died.”

Caller: “Oh, so he won’t be doing any more sailing lessons, then?”

They Really Should Call Them Help(less) Lines

| Victoria, BC, Canada | Uncategorized

Me: “Thank you for calling [cell phone service provider]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “My cable TV isn’t working.”

Me: “I’m sorry sir, but we’re a cell phone company.”

Customer: “I know, but I thought that you people would be able to help me with that any way.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I can only assist you with your cell phone service.”

Customer: “Are you sure?”

Me: “Yes. I’m sorry, but we’re only trained to deal with phones. We don’t know anything at all about cable TV.”

Customer: “Oh, then who should I call?”

Me: “Do you have your cable bill with you?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Is there a 1-800 number on it?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “You need to call that number.”

Customer: “Oh. Thank you!”

No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 2

| Boston, MA, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “Hi, you guys were supposed to send me an email, and I haven’t gotten it yet.”

Me: “Okay, I see we sent that email at 3:05 p.m. Eastern Standard Time. Can you confirm your email address is [email address]?”

Customer: “Yes, that’s it. What time did you send it?”

Me: “3:05 p.m. Eastern Time.”

Customer: “Oh, okay that’s why. I’m in Central Time, so it’ll take an hour to get here. Thanks!”

No Fortitude For Longitude
No Aptitude For Latitude

A Good Chance Of A Falling Out

| Ireland | Uncategorized

(I get call from the United States.)

Me: “Welcome! My name is Grace, how can I help you?”

Caller: “What’s your name?”

Me: “Grace.”

Caller: “Krays? Is that Irish? It sounds lovely.”

Me: “No, it’s Grace.”

Caller: “Oh Rain. Sorry, hun! Anyway this might sound a little silly. Well let me just explain a bit. You see, in the states, we got this thing, right? The trees, the leaves they go all brown and then they fall right off them trees!”

Me: “Ok.”

Caller: “It gets cooler in the night, right? And the trees, well it’s just beautiful. We call it ‘Fall’.”

Me: “Ok. So you want to come in the fall?”

Caller: “Oh no, honey, I want to know if you guys get something similar, like what we call the fall? With the leaves, they fall right on the ground and people are sweepin ’em up!”

Me: “Yeah we have that here too, except we call it Autumn.”

Caller: “You do? Oh isn’t that wonderful. So when should I travel if I want to see an Irish ‘On-Tom’?”

Me: “What time of year does your ‘fall’ happen?”

Caller: “Well it’s like September, October maybe?”

Me: “Right, well it’s the same here. You just plan for the American fall and you’ll get an Irish Autumn.”

(Customer nearly goes out of her mind with happiness and excitement. Before hanging up and wishing me a happy ‘Om-Ton’ she snuck in a quick cheeky ‘Top of the mornin!’.)

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