Our company does this thing called “My Funds,” where during certain promotional periods, if you hit a certain amount on your order, you get a credit on your account. There’re a few other criteria, as well, but customers get a little crazy about earning it. This happens over Live Chat text. 

Customer: “I placed an order last month, and it was over $400 but I only got $50 in My Funds instead of $100.”

Me: “Okay, looking into your order, it seems you used a coupon. Your order was $459 before the coupon, but you received a $66 discount, dropping you below the $400 post-coupon requirement to earn My Funds.”

Customer: “Oh, that sucks. Can I add a cheap item so I hit that amount?”

Me: “Unfortunately, your order has already been shipped, which means no changes are possible. Even if I could make a change, doing so after the order is placed disqualifies all My Funds credit.”

Customer: “Okay, I understand. What if you just move the coupon to the other item?”

Me: *Pauses* “Well, unfortunately, as your order has shipped and been delivered, no changes are possible. Please note also that any changes to an order made after it is placed disqualify it from earning My Funds.”

Customer: “Oh, okay. Thanks, anyway.”

The funny thing is, he actually saved more with the coupon! He got a $50 credit and a $66 discount, which means he saved $116 instead of the $100 he would have gotten without the coupon. I thought about pointing this out to him, but I thought he might have some trouble understanding the concept.

Related:
The Couponator 23: The Time Destroyer
The Couponator 22: Coupons Of Mass Consumption
The Couponator 21: The FINAL Sale
The Couponator 20: Coupons Of Mass Consumption
The Couponator 19: Fast Food & Furious

I receive a call from a dad who wants to add his daughter to his membership. 

Me: “I can certainly add her to your membership. I need her name, date of birth, and phone number.”

Dad: “Her name is [Daughter] and I can find her phone number on my cell right here, just a moment… It’s [number].”

Me: “Thanks, now I only need her date of birth and we’re all set.”

Dad: “Yeah… I don’t remember the exact date. I know her birthday is during winter… Uh, let me think… Yeah, it’s definitely in December. Hold on; I’ll ask my wife.”

I wait for a minute or so and he comes back. 

Dad: “It’s December 31st!”

Me: “Soo… New Year’s Eve?”

Dad: “Yeah, that’s it!”

It happens from time to time that people forget their children’s birthday, but how is it possible to forget when it’s on New Year’s Eve?

I work at a collections agency for a credit card company. It’s 7:58 pm and I call a lady.

Customer: “Could you give me a call back at 9:00 am today?”

Me: “I’m sorry, did you mean 9:00 am tomorrow?”

Customer: “No. I need you to call me at 9:00 am today!”

Me: “Ma’am, I cannot go back in time and call you this morning. It’s 7:58 pm.”

Customer: “No, it isn’t!”

Me: “Okay, what time is it, then?”

Customer: “It’s 7:58 pm. Just call me at 9:00 am today, okay?”

Me: *Pause* “Yeah, okay. Have a great day.”

Related:
Completely Time-Zoned Out

I work in a call center for people having trouble with their car. At the end of each call, I automatically launch into, “Our technician will be with you between now and [estimated time],” to give them an idea how long they may have to wait.

The number of people who interrupt me, only to ask me how long it’s going to take, has prompted me to start answering with, “Well, if you’ll let me finish…”

I am finishing up a transaction with a customer.

Me: “We will also email a copy for your records. The email address we have on file for you is [email address]. Is that still correct?”

Caller: “Yes.”

Me: “You should expect to receive the email once processing is complete, which will be twenty-four to forty-eight hours. Is there anything else I can do for you?”

Caller: “Can you email me a copy of this?”