This Channel Will Self-Destruct In 10 Commercials

| Colorado Springs, CO, USA | Technology

(This customer has a problem with his remote control. I help him reprogram it and everything is working just fine now.)

Me: “Well, sir, it looks like we got everything working. If you do ever have a problem with your remote control, we do have instructions on how to program them on our website.”

Customer: “Thank you. I am a little worried about breaking this thing though.”

Me: “Don’t worry, through normal use, you shouldn’t have a problem.”

Customer: “Are you sure?”

Me: *jokingly* “Just don’t hit the self destruct button and you’ll be fine.”

(There is a long moment of silence.)

Customer: “Um, I can’t find the self destruct button.”

Zombies Like Shamu Too

| Florida, USA | Liars & Scammers, Zombies

(I work for a call center for a popular marine life theme park in Florida.)

Caller: “I need to cancel the pass for one of my members. He’s deceased.”

(I look into the account and realize that a few months prior, she had another pass for the same guy cancelled as well, due to him also being deceased. Since the first cancelled pass, this individual had been to the park four separate times.)

Me: “Ma’am, I apologize, but I am unable to cancel this pass. For verification purposes, you would need to fax the appropriate paperwork or go to guest relations at the park.”

Caller: *defeated* “Fine, how about I just pay it off in full?”

The Gauntlet Has Been Phoned

| Worcestershire, UK | Uncategorized

(An irate caller is being very nasty and swearing at me down the phone.)

Me: “Ma’am, if you carry on talking to me like that, I will terminate the phone call.”

Caller: “Go on, then. I f***ing dare you.”

Me: “I would like to carry on this conversation calmly, but I will terminate the phone call if you carry on swearing at me.”

Caller: “I f***ing dare you.”

Me: *hangs up*