I work the customer support line for a bank.

Me: “Thank you for calling [Bank]. How may I assist you today?”

Customer: “Yes, I just wanted to dispute this charge on my account that I don’t recognize.”

That’s not unusual; tons of people call in for this reason.

Me: “Not a problem. May I have the amount and the description?”

Customer: “It’s for [amount] and it’s called, ‘NSF CHARGE,’ and I didn’t make that.”

Oh, God, here we go.

Me: “Okay, ma’am, that is an insufficient funds fee, which you incurred because you did not have the funds available to pay for a transaction on [Website] yesterday.”

Customer: “I don’t get it. I didn’t make that charge.”

Me: “You didn’t make the charge on [Website]?”

Customer: “No, I did, but I didn’t make that… NFS or whatever it’s called.”

Me: *Pause* “It’s a fee that you received because you couldn’t pay that item.”

Customer: “But my account isn’t supposed to overdraft!”

Me: “Right. And it didn’t, which is why you received the fee.”

Customer: “I’ve never gotten this charge before.”

Me: “Correct; this is your first insufficient funds fee because you’ve always had the funds to pay for your purchases in the past.”

Customer: “But I’ve never had one. When did you guys start doing that?”

Me: “We’ve always charged this fee.”

The customer laughs, and then says condescendingly:

Customer: “No, no, no. No, you haven’t.”

Me: “I’m pretty sure we have. Every bank has this fee.”

Customer: “Can you refund it?”

Me: “Unfortunately, because it is a legitimate charge that caused the fee, we cannot refund it.”

Customer: “But I’ve never had one before.”

Me: *Pauses* “And that’s because you’ve always had the available funds to cover any purchases.”

Customer: “Soooooo, is that a no?”

Me: “No, ma’am, we can not refund it.”

Customer: “You have been no help.” *Click*

I am helping train new folks. One day, I am sitting with a girl we will call Sophie and I have my headset plugged into hers so I can listen to her calls and give her feedback and help with answers she doesn’t know. 

Sophie: “Thank you for calling [Bank]. This is Sophie. May I have your name?”

Customer: “Hi, Jasmine, I’m [Customer], I’m locked out of my app.”

Sophie is confused about being called Jasmine but presses forward.

Sophie: “For verification purposes, could you confirm the amount of a recent transaction?”

Customer: “Oh. Um. Uh… Oh! I did a sixteen-dollar transfer to my friend — six for the sandwich and ten for the ounce of pot.”

Sophie gives me a startled look as I try to process that the dude just said that to his BANK.

Customer: “Oh, s***! Jasmine! Jasmine I’m sorry, please don’t turn me in Jasmine!”

Sophie does manage to get his online banking unlocked, with him begging “Jasmine” not to call the cops the whole time. Meanwhile, I am trying very hard not to laugh. Once the call is over, Sophie looks at me.

Sophie: “Uh… should we… do something with that?”

Me: “To be honest, I genuinely don’t know; having a customer tell their bank about their drug deal is new to me. You handled it well. Go ahead and keep taking calls while I check with the leads to see if we need to pursue this.”

They were just as entertained as I was, and none of them seemed to be concerned with reporting it. We all had a good chuckle at the ridiculousness of it all, and to this day I still say, “Don’t turn me in, Jasmine!” to mean, “The customers are at it again.”

I work in a call center for my state’s unemployment office. I have a caller who is unable to work due to an asymptomatic case of that nasty disease that has defined 2020. I’m walking him through the documentation I need to qualify him and get him his unemployment. One of the items we need is a doctor’s note saying the individual can’t work.

Caller: “So… you want me to go into a public doctor’s office to get a note that says I shouldn’t go into public?”

I work for a currency exchange. A woman calls me on a Monday afternoon.

Caller: “Hi, I want to book 100€ in Czech Crowns for tonight. I’d like to go to your location on [Street].”

Me: “Sure! I’ll put it through.”

Caller: “I would also like to tell you that yesterday I called, and I was told to go to [Other Location] to collect this money, but when I got there nobody knew anything about it. You made me lose a lot of time.”

Me: “I’m really sorry about that. Let me find out what happened.”

I do a little research and can’t find anything related to what she says. She keeps insisting that she was told ON THE PHONE to go to the other location, where she could buy that currency.

Me: “Ma’am, maybe there was some technical issue? I don’t understand why I can’t find anything about that. Are you sure you called us?”

Caller: “Yes, absolutely. Today I just redialed the number I dialed yesterday.”

Me: “Wait, you said yesterday? Because yesterday was Sunday and we are closed on Sundays. Who did you talk to?”

Caller: “Well, I don’t remember the name, but it was a man.”

Me: “That sounds strange, too. We don’t have men working here. Are you 100% sure you called us?”

Caller: “Once again, yes! I’m totally sure!”

In the end, I think she was genuinely saying the truth; she wasn’t angry, she wasn’t asking for some crazy favor or discount, and she didn’t sound crazy.

I took her booking, but we are still wondering who the man is who answered that phone on a Sunday, and that’s not comforting at all!

I am a pagan lesbian working as a call center agent. In particular, it’s my job to talk to customers who, in some capacity, requested contact regarding a transaction or feedback. This particular call type typically takes around forty-five minutes, so that, combined with the general office drama, means that management’s expectations are low.

I have just gotten through the final part of a call with a lonely old woman who got on so many tangents that the call has taken almost two hours. I have been as nice as I can, but I’m mentally reeling in exhaustion, when she drops this gem on me.

The woman is talking amicably about her niece’s family, and then, suddenly, her tone changes to a really threatening and angry sound.

Woman: “You know, dear, [Political Figure] is the antichrist. I can’t believe that it’s allowed now for gay people to, you know! Ugh! Those gays shouldn’t be allowed to get married.”

I snap out of my stupor.

Me: “Sorry, ma’am, can you say that again?”

Woman: “Didn’t you hear? Gays are allowed to marry! It’s so revolting! I hate gay people. They’re all going to burn in Hell!”

Me: *Failing to stop myself* “Stop pretending you’re good enough to judge others on God’s behalf. Jesus loves everyone, especially gay people!”

I hang up on her and then remember I’m at work and look in horror toward my supervisor, who is staring at me like I’ve grown another head.

Supervisor: “Since I could hear you, I have to flag the call. I thought you said you believed in, what was it? Like, trees and the moon? What was that about?”

I’m embarrassed, and I figure this is how I get outed at work and then fired. 

Me: “Well, uh, she said gay people are going to Hell, so I just—”

[Supervisor] puts her hand up to stop me. 

Supervisor: “Oh, no. I get it. My brother is gay. I’ll make sure it’s in the system that she’s an abusive caller. Even if she calls back to complain, it won’t go anywhere.”

My coworkers were very supportive of my relationship with my girlfriend, and my coming-out at work inspired a couple of others to come out of their shells! I didn’t end up working there too long, though, because call center work is really miserable.