A Higher Voice Is Not A Higher Power

| IL, USA | Right | January 21, 2013

(I overhear my coworker’s portion of a call.)

Coworker: “Thank you for calling [account name]. My name is [name]. May I have your name and membership number, please?”

(Looking at his screen, I can tell the account information he’s given pulls up a woman’s account.)

Coworker: “Thank you, sir. Now, I see that this account is under a woman’s name. Are you calling for a wife or family member?”

(While he does this, he’s checking the account to see if anyone besides the account holder has permission to speak.)

Coworker: “Okay, well, I’m very sorry to say this sir, but you are not authorized to speak on this account. Your wife would need to contact us.”

(A moment or two passes.)

Coworker: “Sir, placing me on hold for a few seconds, and then trying to speak in a higher voice will not fool me into thinking you are your wife. Especially as you already told me that she is out of town, in a meeting, and cannot call us herself.”

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Weekly Roundup: Call Center Chronicles

| Not Always Right | Right | January 20, 2013

Call Center Chronicles! They may seem faceless, but call center employees are constantly faced with anger, stupidity, and difficult customers on a daily basis!

  1. Nothin’ Like Some Tough Lovin’ (3,951 thumbs up)
    A caller finds out the “childish” cause of some adult card charges, and dishes out some adult justice!
  2. He Wants The Google (2,586 thumbs up)
    A tech-illiterate customer finds out the expensive, multi-billion dollar difference between *using* Google and *buying* Google.
  3. That’s Assuming If A Woodchuck Could Chuck Wood (5,986 thumbs up)
    If you ask this call center employee a stupid question, you’ll get a bunch of woodchucks!
  4. The Commute Must Be Out Of This World (2,778 thumbs up)
    A surveyer makes a very, very, very long-distance call… to the planet Qinjax.
  5. Even Paranoid Racist Nutjobs Have Bad Days (4,203 thumbs up)
    A racist caller finds out that bigotry is no challenge for diversity!

PS #1: check out our new Extras section, with pictures, videos, and news galore!

PS #2: Read more roundups here!

Courage Under Fire, Part 2

| Harrogate, Yorkshire, UK | Right | January 18, 2013

(I am a supervisor at a car contract hire leasing company. The fire alarm goes off, so I call to my colleagues to apologise, hang up their calls, and leave NOW. One colleague is left as everyone files out. She is trying to talk over the very loud sound of the fire alarm.)

Colleague: *to customer on phone* “I’m sorry, the fire alarm is ringing and we have to evacuate. If you give me your number, I’ll call you back after.”

(I can hear the sound of irate shouting from the customer on the phone.)

Colleague: “Yes, but the fire alarm is ringing and we’re evacuating. If you won’t give me your number, can you call back later?”

(Sounds of more irate shouting.)

Colleague: “No, that’s the fire alarm. I can’t turn it down.”

(Sounds of yet more shouting.)

Colleague: *to me* “I don’t know what to do.”

Me: “Leave by the fire exit now.” *I take the phone*

Me: “Hello, I’m [name] and I’m the supervisor. The fire alarm is ringing. It’s not a drill and I’m going to have to terminate this call.”

Customer: “Where’s the f***ing b**** I was just talking to? I want her f***ing name. I will not be f***ing treated like this! It’s only a quick f***ing query, why won’t you f***ing answer it, you bunch of f***ing c****?!”

Me: “This building is on fire as far as we can tell. Call back later.”

Customer: “All I f***ing want is for someone to work out my early termination fee. That’ll only take five or ten minutes. What’s f***ing wrong with you people?”

Me: “The fire brigade is here.” *sound of sirens outside* “Frankly, sir, and I mean no disrespect, but people like you are not worth dying for. Call back later.”

Customer: “How dare you! I’m f***ing paying your f***ing—”

(I hang up and run down the fire escape. A few hours later, once the fire on the roof was put out the customer called back. He was very apologetic; he’d told his wife about the outrage he’d suffered. She pointed out how much of a dick he had been. He decided she was right.)

 

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In Every Relationship, There’s Give And Tray

| New Jersey, USA | Working | January 17, 2013

(I am the submitter of Wireless and Clueless. My other users are similarly… challenged. Today, I hear a lot of slamming and bashing. So, I follow the sound to the printer at the end of my aisle, where one of my trouble users is kicking and slamming the printer.)

Coworker: “F***ing thing won’t print!”

Me: “Dude. Calm down. Beating it up won’t help.”

Coworker: “But it won’t print! I need this report to be submitted today, but this f***ing thing won’t print!”

Me: “Does the display say ‘PC Load Letter’?”

Coworker: “Yeah. But what the f*** does that mean?”

Me: “What does the next line say?”

Coworker: “Tray 4.”

Me: “Uh huh…”

Coworker: “Where’s tray 4?”

Me: “It’s the big door at the bottom.”

Coworker: “I didn’t put paper there.”

Me: “That’s where the printer wants it. Give it what it wants.”

Coworker: “Are you sure this is a printer, and not my girlfriend?”

Hit A Wall With This Caller

| WA, USA | Right | January 17, 2013

Me: “Thank you for calling [cellphone company]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “My cell phone isn’t powering on.”

Me: “Well, let’s see what’s going on with that.”

(After troubleshooting the problem turns out to be a warranty issue. Unfortunately, the customer’s warranty has run out.)

Customer: “Well, is there anything I can do? Don’t I have insurance on my phone?”

Me: “Yes you do, but the insurance only covers physical damage or a lost or stolen phone.”

(Suddenly, I hear a load crash over the phone.)

Me: “What was that?!”

Customer: “There I was, just minding my own business, when suddenly my wall tried to attack me! My phone, knowing it was about to die, heroically jumped in front of me taking the full force of the wall’s assault. Sadly, it has now broken in half.”

Me: “Well! Let me get you over to our insurance department while you prepare a Viking funeral for our brave hero!”

Customer: “Do I actually need to burn it?”

Me: “No, but it will drive the insurance people crazy!”

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