The Price Of Laziness

| Norway | Technology, Uncategorized

Customer: “My phone doesn’t work, it has dial sound only!”

Me: “Okay, what I need you to do is to reset your phone by disconnecting it from the power and try the main phone connection.”

Customer: “No, I don’t have time to do that. You have to send out a serviceman and fix this now!”

Me: “Yes, of course we can do that. However, if the serviceman discovers that the problem is related to your phone or cables, you will have to pay for the service which is 1875NOK (around $290 USD).”

Customer: “What did you say that I had to do first?”

D as in Duh

| Germany | Language & Words, Technology, Uncategorized

Me: “This computer’s serial number is 5, 2, Bravo, Delta–”

Customer: “Whoa, hold up! I’m a civilian, I don’t do that military lingo. Try that again.”

Me: “Okay, it’s 5, 2, B, D–”

Customer: “Wait, was that two B’s?”

Me: “No, that’s Bravo, Delta.”

Customer: “I’m not in the military! Speak English!”

Me: “B as in Bravo. D as in Delta.”

Customer: “There, was that so hard?”

Naturally Stupid, Part 2

| New York, NY, USA | Math & Science, Technology, Uncategorized

Caller: “I can’t access [cable channel]!”

Me: “Okay, let me assess your problem. When was the last time you tried to access [channel]?”

Caller: “It was last night.”

Me: “Alright, was there any out-of-the-ordinary weather last night? Say, like a storm?”

Caller: “Yeah, there was a thunderstorm. I had nothing to do, so I was trying to watch [channel name], but it wouldn’t let me! It was all fuzzy on the screen.”

Me: “Sir, I think the thunderstorm interfered with your television power lines, which is why you couldn’t access your channel.”

Caller: “But I thought your cable company was supposed to make me able to watch any channel in any weather! That’s the whole reason I switched!”

Me: “I’m sorry sir, nothing can prevent Mother Nature. When she strikes, we cannot do anything to bring back channels that may have been lost momentarily.”

Caller: “Who’s ‘Mother Nature’? Is she the one sabotaging my TV?!”

Related: Naturally Stupid

Some Computer Owners Just Can’t Hack It, Part 2

| Buffalo, NY, USA | Technology, Uncategorized

(The customer is worried that her internet account is being hacked because she doesn’t have the proper login to see her billing information.)

Caller: “You need to help me!”

Me: “What seems to be the problem?”

Caller: “My account is being hacked!”

Me: “How do you know that you’re being hacked?”

Caller: “I can’t see my billing information.”

Me: “I’m sorry about that. You may not have the administrative logins. Let me get them for you.”

(I pull up the woman’s account.)

Me: “Your username is *** and your password is ***. Please try to log in and let me know if you can see your billing information.”

Caller: “You’re the hacker!”

Me: “I’m sorry, I don’t understand.”

Caller: “How could you know my information if you aren’t the hacker! That is my private information that only I can have access to and you can see it!”

Me: “I’m sorry that you feel that way, but I am not a hacker. I am here to help you.”

Caller: “I will report you to the FBI! Now I need to change my password. How do I do that?”

Me: “Would you like me to do that for you?”

Caller: “Yes.”

Related:
Some Computer Owners Just Can’t Hack It

Cutting Down Credit Fraud

| Managua, Nicaragua | Liars & Scammers, Money, Uncategorized

Me: “Thank you for calling [bank], how can I help you?”

Caller: “Hey man! I got some fraudulent charges on my credit card.”

Me: “Ok sir, I understand let me help you report this.”

Caller: “Don’t worry son, I already took care of it.”

Me: “So you already called to report it?”

Caller: “No son, I cut my credit card in thousands of pieces. Now I need a new one.”

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