Me: “[Company] mail order, [My Name] speaking; how can I help you?”

Caller: *Hesitant voice* “Hi, um, I, um… what do you guys do there, please?”

The speaker seems pretty confused but very pleasant so I’m not worried.

Me: “We make toy soldiers for table top games, ma’am. Is there something specific you were looking for?”

Caller: “You see, my name is [My Name] and I work at Hot Chicks Videos in California.”

Me: “Um…”

Caller: “See, we keep getting calls from kids who want orcs, and confused grannies, and…”

I chatted with the caller for a bit, and it turned out that their phone number and ours were essentially the same, except that theirs was an 0-800 number and ours was a 1-800.

This adult call centre was getting so many calls from people wanting to buy toy soldiers that they’d had to lose the “Hot Chicks” part and start answering the phone with just, “Videos.”

It was genuinely one of my best calls working for that company.

It’s my last day working at an incoming call centre and I’ve decided not to tolerate the usual range of ignorant, rude customers who call up and try to get their own way through moaning and rudeness.

The day starts off fine, but eventually, I get a bite. I answer with the same script I’ve used since day one.

Me: “Hello, thank you for calling [Company]. My name is [My Name]; how can I help you?”

The caller is some cranky old lady, who speaks in the most indignant and sarcastic tone.

Caller: “Well, I want to order some [product], obviously!“

Nope. I just disconnected the call.

Sometime later, I had a guy moaning about a voucher code that wasn’t working. I offered a solution, but he started to raise his voice and demand that I offer more on top. Cut that call right off, as well.

The last one was some lady wanting to locate her order. The call started off nice enough. I checked the order, explained our delivery policies; her order had a delivery deadline of noon and she was calling in at 11:10 am, so I couldn’t offer any help until after that time. She immediately changed tone and began to moan and blame me, as if I had any real control over what our courier company does! I just listened to her rant for a moment and then ended the call.

Normally, I wouldn’t dream of doing this, but when it’s my last day, sometimes it feels SOOO good to be able to let s***ty customers know exactly how much their “problems” mean to me.

I work in a customer service call center for a long-established life insurance company. About once a week I have one of these conversations.

Customer: “Hi. My father died and I found some paperwork from your company in his office. Can you tell me if the policy is still good?”

Me: “I would be happy to help you with that.”

After a round of questions and answers:

Me: “Okay, it looks like the policy was taken out in 1979 and the last payment was made in 1981.”

Customer: “So, what does that mean?”

Me: “The policy is not active.”

Customer: “So, do we get any money?”

Me: “No, sorry, it lapsed about thirty years ago.”

Customer: “Well, can we get back the premiums that he paid?”

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]; how can I help?”

Caller: “I am calling to pay my balance. My reference is [reference].”

Me: “The total is [total]. What is the long card number?”

Caller: “Wait a second, I just need to go and get my card; it’s in the other room.”

Cue me listening to them shuffle papers for a few minutes while they look for the sole reason for their call.

I work for the customer service department of a big Dutch webshop. I have an irate customer who keeps on screaming their new Xbox 360 hasn’t arrived. Track and Trace says it was delivered, but the customer insists it was not.

When something that big goes missing, we need to inform the Losses Department, who will contact the carrier and will investigate the issue. I inform the client that I will be doing that and they’ll hear about it in the coming five days.

Most of the time, packages just show up and it was a faulty registration. Anyway, it’s the end of my workday, so I sign off and go home. On my way out, I pass a colleague who has an irate customer. When he confirms the address, I realize he’s talking to my customer.

Since I know this will be his last call, as well, I decide to wait for him so we can complain about customers together. He finishes the call and waits for the client to hang up; we are only allowed to hang up if people forget to do so. He uses this time to add to the case.

Suddenly, my coworker grabs his headphones. His eyes widen. His mouth falls open. Then, I see the line disconnecting. 

Me: “Are you okay?”

Coworker: “They… Oh, my gosh…”

Me: “What?”

Coworker: “They thought they had hung up already! Oh, my gosh… You’ll never guess what I heard!”

Me: *Curious* “What?”

Coworker: “’There! Now we’ll have a free Xbox for sure!’”

Guess which RECORDED call was passed through to the Fraud Department? And guess which delivery address was banned forever, alongside the customer’s account?

This story is part of our Best Of March 2021 roundup!

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