Benefits Are All About Sustaining Labor

| UK | Spouses & Partners, Uncategorized

Me: “Hello, benefit section new claims.”

Caller: “My wife wants to claim for a baby.”

Me: “Your wife just had a child? How old is the child?”

Caller: “2 years old.”

Me: “I’m sorry, if the child is that old you cannot receive additional benefits.”

Caller: “But we need money.”

Me: “I understand but it’s too late now, she could have claimed 11 weeks before the child was born or up until it was a year old. There is nothing we can do now.”

Caller: “So how does my wife get money for a baby?”

Me: “Well, she needs to be pregnant.”

Caller: “Okay! I will call you back.”

You’d Bella Believe It

| Wilmington, NC, USA | Movies & TV, Technology, Top

Me: “Thank you for calling. May I have your first and last name please?”

Caller: “Yes this is [name] from [wireless store] and I need help with switching a customer’s phone.”

Me: “I can certainly assist you with changing the phone. May I have the serial number for the new phone?”

Caller: “Yes, it’s A as in Alpha, E as in Edward, and C…as in Cullen.” *awkward pause* “Don’t judge me!”

Setting The Wrong Tone

| Chattanooga, TN, USA | Technology, Uncategorized

Me: “Thanks for calling [copier company], can I help you?”

Caller: “Yes, I’d like to order some toner for my copier.”

Me: “Okay, is this for a black and white machine or a color machine?”

Caller: “Well, the machine is kind of cream-colored…”

SIN Number

| Glasgow, UK | Religion, Technology, Uncategorized

Me: “Good evening, you’re through to [name]. How can I help?”

Caller: “There’s something wrong with the PIN for my set top box.”

Me: “Oh, have you forgotten it?”

Caller: “No, I know it, I just don’t like it.”

Me: “So, you want to change it? You can do that from the box itself.”

Caller: “Oh no! I can’t, I won’t! It is an evil number! It is your sworn duty to change it for me!”

Me: “Okay. I can do that for you, no problem. So your current PIN is ‘0666’?”

Caller: “Yes! Why did you let the Devil change it? I haven’t been able to play back my recordings because typing that will taint my enjoyment of them!”

Me: “We didn’t, it’s based on the last 4 digits of your viewing card, it’s a random number.”

Caller: “You should really put something in place to stop evil forces from controlling your random numbers like that. It’s insensitive and careless!”

Tricks Of The Trade

| Denmark | Liars & Scammers, Technology, Top

Me: “Welcome to [company name] hotline. How may I help you?”

Caller: “My name is [name]. I’ve ordered mobile broadband weeks ago, but I didn’t receive squat!”

Me: “Let me just check with customer service to see what we can do about that. Do you mind holding?”

(I put the caller on hold and dial customer services. They check the tracking number for his modem and it seems he has already picked it up from his local post office. He is trying to get a free modem out of us.)

Me: “Hi, I’m back. Looks like I’ve got a solution to your problem. Try to open the mobile partner software on your desktop.” (This is software that automatically installs itself first time you plug in the mobile broadband modem.)

Caller: “Sure, no problem.”

(I briefly explain to the customer that he couldn’t have done that without receiving the modem.)

Caller: “I want to talk to your manager!”

(I hand the call to my manager.)

Caller: “Your employee tried to trick me! Now what are you going to do about it?”

Manager: “Promote him?”

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