E.T. No Phone Home

| Australia | Technology

(I was working in the call center of a telco, troubleshooting and resolving faults in mobile phone handsets and modems.)

Me: “Hello, this is [name], how can I help you?”

Customer: “I want to return a faulty modem.”

Me: “Okay, what seems to be the problem with the modem?”

Customer: “It doesn’t contact the mothership.”

Me: “Sorry?”

Customer: “This modem. It’s faulty. I cannot contact the mothership with it!”

Me: “Um, [company] has never offered nor guaranteed intergalactic coverage.”

Customer: “Fine, I’ll just take it back to the shop.” *hangs up*

Sacred Sushi Time

| Logan, UT, USA | Food & Drink

Me: “Hello, I am with [car company] calling about your recent service visit.”

Woman: “Why the h*** are you calling me?! It’s sushi time!”

(At that point, her husband takes the phone away from her.)

Husband: “Sorry, my wife is just insensitive sometimes.” *to his wife* “Honey, just shut up!” *back to me* “Geez, you called during sushi time.”

Me: “Uh, well, I just have a survey about your service visit.”

Husband: “I’d love to do it, but I’m eating. It’s sushi time.”

Me: “Should I call back, or would you rather just have me remove you from the list?”

Husband: “It’s sushi time.”

Me: “I’ll just remove you.”

Husband: *hangs up*

Thank You, Please Call Again

| Deschutes, OR, USA | Extra Stupid

Caller: “Why don’t you have your phone number listed on your site? I hunted all over the place for it. I finally had to call information to get the number!”

Me: “With all due respect sir, we do have the number on the site.”

Caller: “You do not! And I still have the page up on the screen on my computer. I can prove it!”

Me: “You do? Sir, could you please do me a favor and go look at our page on the screen?”

Caller: “Well, fine, but I don’t see where that’s going to help any!”

Me: “Sir, please…if anything, just humor me. Please go look at our page on your computer.”

Caller: “Well, okay. I am here now. What did you want to show me?!”

Me: “Look at the beginning of the page. It’s in great big bold letters, right about eye level. Please tell me, what does it say?”

Caller: “It says, ‘To Contact Us, Please Call 877-77…”

*pause*

Caller: *hangs up*