Auctions Speak Louder Than Words

| Nottingham, England, UK | Right | November 7, 2012

Me: “Hi, you’ve reached [me] at [company]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, I sent my item back because I didn’t want it, and now you’re refusing to give me a refund.”

(I take the customer’s order number and details and see what our system says.)

Me: “According to our system, we received your item back on [date] and the refund should have been automatic.”

Customer: “Well, I haven’t got it, and I got an email today telling me you were going to auction my refund!”

Me: “I’m sorry, what?”

Customer: “I can’t believe you can’t even do a simple refund! How stupid are you? I’ve shopped with you for a very long time, but I never will again! How dare you auction my things?”

(The customer goes on like this for a few minutes, accusing the company of stealing her money and me of being too stupid to help her. Once she stops, I get a chance to reply.)

Me: “Okay. Might the e-mail say we’re actioning your refund”?”

Customer: *hangs up*

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Did A Real Number On That Order

| Worcester, England, UK | Right | November 7, 2012

(A customer calls up, saying she checked her account online and saw her order was cancelled.)

Customer: “Why was it cancelled? I never asked it to be cancelled!”

Me: “Well, it looks like when the order was placed, but the CVC was input incorrectly, so we were unable to take payment.”

Customer: “Well, who put it in incorrectly!?”

Me: “Umm, it was actually you who placed it online.”

Customer: “Well, why did no one bother calling me to let me know there was a problem!?”

Me: “When you set the order up online, you didn’t provide us with a contact number.”

Customer: *hangs up*

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A Call For Common Sense

| Dublin, Ireland | Working | November 6, 2012

Operator: “Thank you calling [cellphone company]. My name is Paul. How may I help you?”

Me: “Hi, I lost my phone this morning. It slipped from a pouch on the back of my bike I forgot to zip up. I was calling it, hoping somebody would find it and answer, but now it’s going straight to voicemail.”

Operator: “Any chance the battery just died?”

Me: “I don’t think so. It was fully charged. At first it was ringing out, but now it looks like somebody’s switched it off; it goes straight to voicemail. I’d like to get the number blocked so they can’t use up all my call credit before I get the number transferred to a new phone.”

Operator: “And are you calling from the phone in question?”

Me: “Wha… yes. Yes, I am calling you right now from the phone I’m reporting stolen.”

Operator: *finally gets it* “Okay, and… oh! Right!”

Age Before Modesty

| Newcastle upon Tyne, UK | Working | November 4, 2012

(I am taking an otherwise typical IT call from one of our shop managers when she decides to go off on a tangent.)

Manager: “Do you guys control the CCTV cameras here?”

Me: “No, that’s handled by a separate company.”

Manager: “Oh, I see. I was just wondering if anyone is actually watching the screens all the time, because some of us get changed in here.”

(Note that she is referring to changing in the back office of the shop, rather than the designated changing area.)

Me: “Um, if it were me, I’d probably assume someone could be watching at any time and act accordingly.”

Manager: “Oh, at my age you stop worrying about those things. Let them look!”

It’s Always Best To Check

| Central Valley, CA, USA | Right | November 4, 2012

(I have spoken to this caller about two weeks ago. She calls again and I pull up her account.)

Caller: “I called a couple of weeks ago and was told to expect a check for $1000.”

Me: “Yes, that’s correct, I remember authorizing the check myself, let me review the file. I spoke to you on the 9th, and the check went out on the 10th.”

Caller: “Today is the 22nd, and I haven’t received it yet.”

Me: “I’m sorry about that, let’s double-check your address. We send the check to [address].”

Caller: “Yes, that is correct.”

Me: “Okay, let’s make sure that we have everything spelled correctly.”

(We double-check that her name and address are spelled correctly.)

Me: “Ma’am, have you been having any difficulties with receiving your mail? Have you gotten the mail from anybody else?”

Caller: “I don’t know, I haven’t checked the mail all week!”

Me: “Then maybe you should check your mail?”

Caller: “As in right now?”

Me: “Yes, I can hold while you check.”

Caller: “Okay, I’ll be right back.”

(Caller puts the phone down, and she comes back on the line in about a minute.)

Caller: “I got the check!”

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