John Paul The Third (Time’s A Charm)

| Dublin, Ireland | Funny Names, Uncategorized

Me: “Hi, Paul speaking. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Who?”

Me: “Paul.”

Customer: “John?”

Me: “No, Paul.”

Customer: “John?”

Me: “No, Paul. P-A-U-L.”

Customer: “That’s not how you spell John!”

Customers Should Watch Their Language

| Buenos Aires, Argentina | Language & Words, Technology, Top

(I work in tech support for a major US cable company, and sometimes we have to deal with people who just don’t want to talk to you because you’re foreign.)

Customer: “You know what? I can’t understand a word you’re saying. You have an accent. Can I be transferred to someone who speaks English?”

Me: “I’m pretty sure I’m speaking English right now, sir.”

Customer: “Yeah, but I can’t understand you because of your accent.”

Me: “So, basically you’re saying you want me to transfer you to someone else.”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Because I have an accent.”

Customer: “That’s right.”

Me: “And you can’t understand what I’m saying.”

Customer: “Exactly.”

Me: “So how come you were able to understand what I just said?”

*a few seconds of silence*

Customer: “Don’t be an a**-hole and just transfer me!”

Prismatically Incorrect

| Worcester, MA, USA | Funny Names, Uncategorized

Customer: “Hi, do your Renaissance cake toppers have Swastika crystals?”

Me: “I’m sorry, do you mean Swarovski crystals?”

Customer: “Yeah, those.”

No Chance Of Defying Gravity

| Texas, USA | Crazy Requests, Money, Uncategorized

Customer: “I bought tickets for Wicked on Broadway and I want a refund.”

Me: “Okay, was your show postponed or canceled? That’s the only time we can give refunds.”

Customer: “Well, I wasn’t able to watch the show so I want my money back.”

Me: “Why were you unable to watch the show?”

Customer: “When we got to our seats my husband felt sick from being so high up and we had to leave.”

Me: “When you purchased the tickets were you aware that they were in the balcony?”

Customer: “The woman told me they were in the balcony but I didn’t know what that meant. I know what a balcony on a house is, but a theater isn’t a house. I’m not stupid.”

Me: “If you weren’t sure about the seat placement, why didn’t you ask for clarification?”

Customer: “I didn’t want to sound stupid. I’m not stupid!”

Pray They’re Talking About Baby Goats

| Texas, USA | Family & Kids, Pets & Animals, Uncategorized

(This takes place after setting up installation date for the caller’s service.)

Me: “Now, do you have any pets or animals that we need the technician to know about?”

Caller: “Nah, he’ll be alright. I’ll just tie my kids up in the back-yard.”

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