When You Don’t Want A Quick Service

| United Kingdom | Spouses & Partners, Uncategorized

Customer: “I’d like to take my wife’s name off the account. She’s leaving me.”

Me: “I’m sorry to here that. It looks like your wife has already called us to do that. Is there anything else I can help you with?”

Customer: “Oh no, it’s just all so quick. She only told me on Wednesday night and now she’s gone.”

(I check the account history and see she called us early on Tuesday. I thought it best not to tell the customer.)

Wireless, Clueless, Hopeless, Part 6

| San Jose, CA, USA | Technology, Uncategorized

Caller: “I called to let you know the power is out so you may see alerts.”

Me: “Thank you. I will notify the team. Is there anything else I can assist you with?”

Caller: “Yes. I can’t connect to the internet on my laptop. I can’t find the wireless.”

Me: “Sir, the power is out, so the internet is also down.”

Customer: “Yes, but my laptop still has batteries.”

Related:
Wireless Clueless & Hopeless, Part 5
Wireless Clueless & Hopeless, Part 4
Wireless Clueless & Hopeless, Part 3
Wireless Clueless & Hopeless, Part 2
Wireless Clueless & Hopeless

Getting Landlines Tangled

| Ireland | Liars & Scammers, Uncategorized

(I call the customer.)

Customer: “Hello?”

Me: “Hello, this is [me], may I please speak to [customer]?”

Customer: “Yes, speaking.”

Me: “I am calling from [company name]. There is a slight issue with your account. Do you have a moment to discuss this issue now?”

*long pause*

Customer: “Hello? Hello?! Sorry, I have terrible reception here.”

Me: “Sir, I am speaking to you on your home phone.”

Customer: “What?!” *hangs up*

No Holding Back

| Webster, NY, USA | Bizarre, Musical Mayhem, Technology, Uncategorized

Me: “Thank you for calling [company] support, can I have your employee ID number, please?”

Caller: “Yeah, can you put me on hold?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Caller: “I called before and complained about the awful hold music you guys use. I want to see if you changed it.”

Me: “Hold on just a minute.”

(I put the caller on hold for a minute.)

Me: “Hello, are you still there ma’am?”

Caller: “Yeah, I’m here.”

Me: “So is the hold music any less awful?”

Caller: “No, not really. Thanks.” *click*

Make A Bullet Point About Bertha

| Peoria, IL, USA | Spouses & Partners, Uncategorized

Me: “Sir, do we need to speak with anyone other than yourself to gain access onto your property?”

Customer: “No, no. My wife will be home. Oh yeah, and Bertha.”

Me: “Bertha, sir?”

Customer: “Bertha’s my shotgun, in case any of your technicians decide to get kinky with my wife.”

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