A caller’s gaming account is temporarily suspended because money is owed on the account. He purchased a game with a credit card but the charge was disputed. This is a common occurrence with an easy fix: pay back the money.

He’s not overly enthusiastic about having to pay the money back.

Caller: “Will [Company] refund me all the money I spent on this account?”

I pause, unsure I heard them correctly.

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Caller: “Will [Company] give me back all the money I spent on this account since I can’t use it anymore?”

Me: “No.”

I got a coaching on that one because we weren’t supposed to flat out say no to anything. But it took me completely off guard that a grown man would assume that he could get hundreds of dollars back because he could (temporarily) not use the account because of his own mistake.

I work in a call center and frequently speak with elderly people who like to make small talk; some are quite pleasant and others are very rude or very nosy. I am female and have a name that is common for men, like Billy or Bobby, but can also be a girl’s name.

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. My name is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Client: “What’s your name again?!”

I repeat myself.

Client: “You sound very effeminate!”

Me: “Well, I am female.”

Client: “Oh, you must be named after your father!”

Me: *As cheerfully as I can muster* “Maybe! I don’t really know who he is! Now, what questions did you have about your account?”

Client: *Flustered* “Oh! Well, I… uh…” *Click*

Related:
Failed The Name Game, Part 10
Failed The Name Game, Part 9
Failed The Name Game, Part 8
Failed The Name Game, Part 7
Failed The Name Game, Part 6

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. This is [My Name]. How may I help you?”

Caller: “Yeah, I’m here to pick up an order.”

Silence.

Me: “Okay, who am I speaking to?”

Caller: “Jeff.”

It’s always a Jeff and we have many clients named Jeff. We have some nice Jeffs and some who are not so nice.

Me: “Jeff who?”

Caller: “Jeff. I ordered some hinges yesterday.”

Me: “Jeff, do you have an account with us?”

Caller: “No, I ordered soft-close hinges.”

Me: “Jeff, what is your last name so I can look up your order to see if it’s ready?”

Caller: “Look, you should know who I am. I called twice yesterday. I spoke to a man. Let me speak to a man.”

Me: “One second, sir.”

This could all have been prevented if the gentleman had introduced himself at the beginning of the phone call. Remember to do that when you call someone on the phone.

I work tech support rep for an ISP, but we also offer home security to varying degrees from just a couple of cameras to a home fortress. This particular customer has been escalated to me and has a few normal surveillance cameras, a few motion sensors as well as a doorbell camera. I am talking to the agent.

Me: “Hi, this is [My Name].”

Agent: “Hi, this is [Agent Name]. I have a customer saying that they’re receiving notifications from their motion detector that there’s movement inside their home.”

Me: “Okay?”

Caller: “They can also see that their garage door is open. Can you pull up the cameras for me just to confirm there’s not a burglary taking place?”

Me: *Dumbfounded.* “Tell them to call the police if they think they’re being burglarized!”

Caller: “Well, I just wanted to confirm they were before I told them that!”

Me: “Seriously, [Agent Name]. Get them to call the police!”

Caller: “Alright, I will. Thanks!” *Click.*

Turns out, someone had indeed broken in. The customer never armed their system as they later tried claiming that the alarm wasn’t working at the time. We pulled up the logs and saw it was disarmed the previous night and never rearmed. We also cannot look at their camera feeds for privacy reasons.

My friend and I (both female) are stuck in a cubicle farm on overnights, doing tier-two tech support for a cable company. As we are a small team with a useless supervisor, we tend to help each other when needed, so my ears perk up when I hear my friend struggling to finish a single sentence, getting cut off by the customer. She finally finishes the call.

Me: “What was that about?”

Friend: “Apparently, I can’t do tech support because I have boobs!”

Me: “Really? Well, good luck to him tonight!”

We laugh and go back to the queue. About twenty minutes later, guess who pings through my phone? I start my opening spiel.

Customer: “Oh, for f***’s sake. Are you the same b**** I talked to twenty minutes ago?”

Me: “No, sir, I don’t believe I’ve had that pleasure this evening.”

My friend is now listening closely.

Customer: “Well, I’ll tell you the same thing I told her. Get me a g**d*** man on the line to fix this piece of s*** now!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir—”

Customer: “You’re not sorry!”

He starts an expletive-laden rant but I hang up.

Friend: “Same guy? Did you tell him we’re the only two on tonight?”

Me: “I didn’t get a chance to get a word in edgewise.”

Friend: “Let’s not, then!”

She drew up a sheet entitled “D**khead” and made two columns with our names, putting a stroke in each column. All night, we passed that sheet back and forth, each taking his calls as a break to read until he’d hang up again. We did try to help but he wouldn’t give us any information besides his name. In the end, she won, sixteen calls to my twelve. I bought her a coffee on the way home.

On my next shift, I checked his account out of curiosity. The notes from a male tech read, “Customer unable to connect. Power-cycled modem. Connection restored.” Over six hours of calling non-stop for a thirty-second fix.

Related:
Can’t Hear You Over The Sound Of Your Ovaries, Part 13
Can’t Hear You Over The Sound Of Your Ovaries, Part 12
Can’t Hear You Over The Sound Of Your Ovaries, Part 11
Can’t Hear You Over The Sound Of Your Ovaries, Part 10
Can’t Hear You Over The Sound Of Your Ovaries, Part 9