Cold Calling

| California, USA | Bizarre, Uncategorized

Caller: “Hello, may I speak to Mr. Ralph ******?”

Me: “I’m sorry, he’s dead.”

Caller: “Oh, I’m very sorry for your loss.”

Me: “It’s okay. It’s been 20 years. I think we’re over it.”

No Paws For Thought

| Canada | Pets & Animals, Tourists/Travel, Uncategorized

Me: “Hello, [Public Transport], how can I help you?”

Caller: “Hi, do you allow cats on your buses?”

Me: “No, I’m sorry, but only service animals are allowed on the bus.”

Caller: “But she’s a very quiet cat! The airline let me take her!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but those are the rules. We can’t allow animals on board.”

(We go back and forth like this for a few minutes.)

Caller: *desperately* “What if I say she’s a seeing-eye cat? I could put a little collar on her saying she’s a seeing-eye cat.”

Me: “I don’t think that’s going to work.”

Caller: “What if I dress her like a dog?”

Me: “They’re not going to buy that.”

Caller: “Why not?!”

(The conversation continues in a similar fashion.)

Caller: “You’re not allowed to hang up on me, are you?”

Me: “No, ma’am.”

Caller: “I feel sorry for you.”

John Paul The Third (Time’s A Charm)

| Dublin, Ireland | Funny Names, Uncategorized

Me: “Hi, Paul speaking. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Who?”

Me: “Paul.”

Customer: “John?”

Me: “No, Paul.”

Customer: “John?”

Me: “No, Paul. P-A-U-L.”

Customer: “That’s not how you spell John!”

Customers Should Watch Their Language

| Buenos Aires, Argentina | Language & Words, Technology, Top

(I work in tech support for a major US cable company, and sometimes we have to deal with people who just don’t want to talk to you because you’re foreign.)

Customer: “You know what? I can’t understand a word you’re saying. You have an accent. Can I be transferred to someone who speaks English?”

Me: “I’m pretty sure I’m speaking English right now, sir.”

Customer: “Yeah, but I can’t understand you because of your accent.”

Me: “So, basically you’re saying you want me to transfer you to someone else.”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Because I have an accent.”

Customer: “That’s right.”

Me: “And you can’t understand what I’m saying.”

Customer: “Exactly.”

Me: “So how come you were able to understand what I just said?”

*a few seconds of silence*

Customer: “Don’t be an a**-hole and just transfer me!”

Prismatically Incorrect

| Worcester, MA, USA | Funny Names, Uncategorized

Customer: “Hi, do your Renaissance cake toppers have Swastika crystals?”

Me: “I’m sorry, do you mean Swarovski crystals?”

Customer: “Yeah, those.”

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