Take Your Time, And Ours Too

| Ohio, USA | Food & Drink, Technology, Time

(Note: I have been trying to help a caller get logged into our website for 20 minutes, but she keeps mistyping her username.)

Me: “Alright, let’s try this again. Remember that your username is ******. So, try it again and I’ll wait for you to type.”

Caller: “Okay, I’ll try it again. Just give me a minute to type.”

(For a few minutes, there is silence. Then, I hear her get up, walk away from the phone, and begin to punch what sounds like microwave buttons. Soon afterwards, I hear popcorn popping.)

Me: *confused* “Are you still trying to enter your username?”

Caller: “Oh! Are we still trying to get me logged in? I thought we were just chatting now, and I thought I would make myself a snack!”

Indiscriminate Discrimi-Nation

| Chicago, USA | Bigotry

(I work in a call center as a supervisor. I overhear this conversation.)

Representative: “Thank you for holding. This is [Pakistani name]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “I’m sorry, what is your name?”

Representative: “[Pakistani name], sir.”

Customer: “Where are you located?”

Representative: “In Chicago, sir.”

Customer: “Are you sure you’re not in India? You sound like you’re Indian.”

(Note: the rep was born and raised in Chicago and is the son of an English father and Pakistani mother. He has no accent whatsoever.)

Representative: “Sir, I am certain we are in Chicago.”

Customer: “I want to talk to an American! I don’t want to talk to someone in India.”

Representative: “Sir, I was born and raised in the US. My parents are English and Pakistani, not Indian.”

Customer: “I want to talk to someone in America!”

Representative: “Sir, again I can assure you: you are talking to an American in America.”

Customer: “I WANT TO TALK TO AN AMERICAN!”

Representative: “Sir, I am an American.”

Customer: “I know you people are in India! I’m complaining to my company that they outsourced us to you!” *hangs up*

The Oldest Chick In The Book

| Deland, FL, USA | Liars & Scammers, Money

Caller: “I don’t understand why I have a late fee on my account. I always pay on time.”

Me: “Okay, I would be happy to look into that for you today. I see the late fee and I think I see the problem. However, I would like a brief minute to continue looking through your account to verify why you are receiving late fees. May I please place you on hold?”

Caller: “Okay, then.”

(I check her statements for the last 6 months and see that she missed two consecutive payments. She recently started paying only $5 a month.)

Me: “Thank you for holding. I apologize for the wait. I think I see what happened. I see that we have been receiving your $5 payments by the due date. However, they do not cover your $127 minimum payment, so you are being charged late fees.”

Caller: “But I’m making my payment on time.”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, however the payment that we are receiving does not cover your minimum due.”

Caller: “But you’re getting my payment before the due date.”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, but $5 does not cover your minimum due.”

Caller: “Well, what is my minimum due?”

Me: “Your minimum due on your last statement was $127.”

Caller: “So that pays off my account. I’ll pay you $127 and you can’t charge me any more fees, right? That will pay off my account.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but $127 was the amount that you owed us for the month of January. You will still owe us another minimum payment by February 28th.”

Caller: “Okay, so how many months do I have to pay to pay off my account?”

Me: “Well, as stated on your last statement, you would have to pay the minimum due for 5 years on time each month to pay off your balance.”

Caller: “Well, how much is that?”

Me: “$6,200.”

Caller: “So, how will it take me to pay off my balance if I pay $5 a month?”

Me: “I’m sorry, but since $5 does not cover your minimum payment and our late fees are $35, you would be unable to pay off your balance.”

Caller: “Well, why would you do that? You just want everyone to give you $5 every month for the rest of their lives! Let me talk to your supervisor! You people can’t do that! It’s ILLEGAL!”

Me: “Okay, may I please place you on a brief 1 to 2 minute hold while I get my supervisor on the line for you?”

Caller: *whispering* “She’s getting a supervisor, but it’s going to take another 15 minutes.”

Grumpy Old Man: *in the background* “I told you they wouldn’t fall for that you stupid woman. Just pay them their d*** money so we can order Chinese!”

Caller: *click*