It Depends On The Size Of Your Tubes

| Portsmouth, UK | Uncategorized

Me: “Hi, how can I help?”

Call Center: “I want a new computer. My current one is Windows 95.”

Me: “Well, the current version is Windows 7.”

Call Center: “What about the modem? If I buy a new hard drive, would it make my computer have internet?”

Me: “You would need to add a modem if you wanted to just plug the phone line into the computer. Most internet providers supply you with an external modem as part of their service.”

Call Center: “Well, I have a external hard drive. Could I plug the internet into that?

Me: “It doesn’t work that way. You need a computer to connect to the internet.”

Call Center: “Can’t I just download the internet onto my external hard drive?”

Getting No Signal From Brains And Phones

| Belfast, Northern Ireland | Uncategorized

Caller: “I’ve had nothing but trouble with this phone recently.”

Me: “What problems have you been having?”

Caller: “No matter what I do, I can’t get a signal. I had to ring customer services!

Me: “Did you call them off that phone?”

Caller: “Yes.”

Me: “And is that the phone I am speaking to you on?”

Caller: “Yes. And they said I should try switching it off taking the sim card out, putting it back in and turning it back on and that would help re-set it.”

Me: “Did that work?”

Caller: “I don’t know, they hung up on me while I was trying.”

Me: “While you where switching your phone off?”

Caller: “Yes.”

Welcome To HAL Industries

| Kennewick, WA, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Thank you for calling [my company]. May I have the e-mail address on your account, please?”

(Note that the caller sounds to be about 13 years old.)

Caller: “Are you a computer or a real person?”

Me: “I’m a real person. I live in [my hometown]. I love sushi, and I like to knit. How can I help you tonight?”

Caller: “Are you sure you’re not a really good computer?”

Taxing Faxing, Part 4

| Pittsburgh, PA, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “Yeah, hi, I just called earlier to have a report faxed. It hasn’t come through yet.”

Me: “I already sent that out to you, but I can send another copy if you’d like.”

Customer: “Hmm. You think it could be my end?”

Me: “Let’s check the basics. Have you received faxes earlier? Is it plugged in?””

Customer: “Oh, here’s the problem! The paper isn’t loaded!”

Me: “Okay! Fill it up and I’ll send it again.”

Customer: “Um, I don’t seem to have any paper here. Could you fax me some paper so I could load it with it before you fax the report?”

Related:
Taxing Faxing, Part 3
Taxing Faxing, Part 2
Taxing Faxing

Supervisor Is Super Wiser

| Texas, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Thanks you for calling [company], how can I assist you today?”

Customer: “I want a supervisor.”

Me: “Is there any reason that you need the supervisor?”

Customer: “Just give me a supervisor!”

(I do the standard procedures to transfer to a supervisor. 3 minutes later, the same caller:

Customer: “What did the supervisor write in my account?”

(I saw the comments on the account, the supervisor wrote: “No more supervisor calls for this customer.”)