This Call Contains No Common Scents

| USA | Right | June 10, 2013

(I’m male, and work in a service call center. A man in his 60s is on the line.)

Me: “Hi, thank you for calling [company]. This is [name]; how can I help you?”

Member: “Where are all the pretty girls?”

Me: “Uh… I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

Member: “Every time I call, it’s always pretty women on your side.”

Me: “My apologies. I can talk in falsetto if you would prefer?”

Member: “No, no. Just put on some perfume and we’ll call it square.”

(I end up helping him with his reason for calling.)

Member: “Now don’t forget, something fragrant, but not overpowering as to give them young boys confusing desires.”

(Considering I am gay, and in no way flamboyant, I find this exceptionally amusing!)

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Greeting Perverted, Disaster Averted

| UK | Working | June 4, 2013

(I work in a call centre, and it’s pretty quiet, so my colleagues and I are chatting. We’re discussing how no-one really listens to our greetings, and then move onto the subject of lying. Suddenly, I get a call come through.)

Me: “Hi, welcome to [store]. How can I lie to you today?”

(I go white as I realise what I just said. My colleagues look on in shock.)

Customer: “Hi there, I found some vouchers at the back of the drawer and they expired. Can you help?”

(I get the vouchers updated, and I secretly add a few more because I felt so bad about what I just said.)

Customer: “By the way, that’s the most awesome greeting.” *chuckles*

Me: “I’m so sorry! It sort of slipped out!”

Customer: “Don’t worry love; it’s fine. Have a good day, but try not to tell porkies (lies) now!”

Colleague #1: “Did they say anything?”

Me: “Yeah, but she laughed at it.”

Colleague #2: “B***** h***! People do listen!”

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Addressed The Race Issue

| Edmonton, AB, Canada | Right | May 29, 2013

(I work at a technical service call centre. A call is taken by an African-Canadian tech.)

Tech: “Thank you for calling [name of company]. My name is [name]. How can I help you?”

Caller: “Oh, thank God they gave me somebody white! The last time I called they expected me to talk to some stupid n*****.”

(The tech is perfectly calm.)

Tech: “Sorry about that, sir. How can I help you?”

(The call proceeds as normal. The tech troubleshoots with the caller, and decides new software is needed. He offers to ship the software.)

Tech: “Just to make sure, can I reconfirm your address?”

Caller: “Oh, sure. It’s [full street address].”

Tech: “Thank you. Oh, and before you go, you ought to know that I’m the biggest, blackest mother-f***** you’ll ever meet in your life, and I know where you live. Good day.”

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A Whole New Meaning To Racing Games

| Stillwater, OK, USA | Right | May 24, 2013

(I work for a Singapore-based business. We support computer equipment, that often includes a free PC game.)

Customer: “Do y’all have any games that isn’t about [slur to describe Chinese people] or [slur describing black people]?”

Coworker: “Um, I’m sorry, what?”

Customer: “F****** c****’s and n*****’s! All the games I got from your company have those people in them.”

Coworker: “I’m sorry you’re disappointed in the free games, but I’m going to have ask you to use more respectful language.”

Customer: “Yeah, I know they make you say that kind of nonsense. You’re going to have to replace these games though. I can’t play a game about those people.”

Coworker: “Like I said, sir, the games are free. If you’re offended, may I suggest not playing them?”

(My coworker presses the mute button and talks to the supervisor on duty.)

Coworker: “Can I disconnect someone for being racist?”

(The supervisor looks at the picture of my coworker’s very racially diverse family, and then picks up the phone.)

Supervisor: “Sir, I’m afraid that my c**** and n***** coworkers and I at our c**** company are going to have to ask you to take your racist game needs somewhere else. If you can find a single game anywhere that doesn’t have an Asian or Black person working on it, you are welcome to it. Please don’t call again.” *click*

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A Capital Offense

| AL, USA | Right | May 24, 2013

(A customer calls in requesting a password reset for his account.)

Me: “Okay, sir, I’ll go ahead and reset your password to the default. It will be the last four digits of your social security number, and the four digit year of your birth.”

Customer: “Okay, those are all capitals, right?”

Me: “Yes, sir, all the letters in your username are capitalized.”

Customer: “And what did you say my password will be?”

Me: “It will be the last four digits of your social security number, and the four digit year of your birth.”

Customer: “And are those capitalized or lowercase?”

Me: “Well, it will be the last four digits of your social—”

Customer: “I know that! But are they going to be capitalized or lower case?”

Me: *gives up* “They’re going to be capitalized numbers, sir.”

Customer: “Great! Thanks!”

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