Please Don’t Cowell Back

| Mansfield, OH, USA | Bizarre, Top

(I’m working for a call center on a forced third shift night. It is on my third day of no sleep.)

Me: *still upbeat and cheery* “Thank you for calling [company]. My name is [name]. I’m sorry but our systems are updating, but I’d be more then happy to answer any general questions or concerns that you may have.”

Caller: *vindictively* “So, I got Mr. Ryan Seacrest on the phone now?!”

Me: “My apologies, sir, but my name is—”

Caller: “So, I have to talk to some little pansy **** **** who sounds like Moviefone to give me what I want?!”

Me: “Sir, if you—”

Caller: “So, I have to play with this Moviefone Directory to get what I want?!”

(The caller starts to randomly press buttons on the phone while continuing to cuss up a storm.)

Caller: “Are you still there Ryan Seacrest?! Did you hang up on me?!”

Me: “No, I did not sir, I was just waiting for you to finish before I—”

Caller: “Oh, so Mr. Seacrest has the nerves to talk to me?!”

Me: “Sir, if you want access to an account, I must apologize but with the update running here in the facility we are not able to pull up any account info. If—”

Caller: “I don’t need anything from Ryan Seacrest or Moviefone!”

Me: “Sir, this is [company], not Moviefone.”

Caller: “So, Mr. Seacrest thinks he’s so smart!”

Me: “Sir, do you have an account with [company]?”

Caller: “Who?”

Me: “Due to policy, I have been instructed that I am allowed to end this call. Thank you and have a nice day.”

Caller: “I’m not done degrading you!”

Me: *click*

Big Power Is Watching You

| Phoenix, AZ, USA | Technology

(Some electric utility residents in Arizona have the option to sign up for pre-paid electricity, which places a user display terminal in their home. Commonly referred to as “the box,” most customers place the box somewhere in their kitchen or dining room.)

Me: “Good morning, this is [name]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Hi! I really hope you can. My box isn’t working. I keep pushing the buttons, but the display isn’t showing me anything, and I’m worried I’m going to run out of power.”

Me: “Alright, I’d be happy to look into that for you. First, we’ll need to go through a few quick steps. Could you please verify that the display unit is plugged in?”

Customer: “Yes, it is.”

Me: “Okay! Could you check for me and ensure that the battery is also inserted into the back of the display unit?”

Customer: “Yes, it’s there.”

Me: “Okay, great! Do you currently have your display unit plugged into one of your kitchen outlets?”

Customer: *very long pause* “Yes…why? Can you see me?!”

Me: “Um, no…not at all, ma’am.”

Customer: “Then how come you knew I was standing in the kitchen, huh?! Explain THAT!”

Me: “Well, many of our customers like to plug their display units into their kitchen or dining room outlets, so I just took a lucky guess.”

Customer: “Oh.” *pauses* “So, you CAN’T see me, right?”

Me: “Not at all, ma’am.”

Customer: “Okay, good!”

Weekly Roundup: The Parent Is Not Always Right

, , , , | Not Always Right | Family & Kids, Roundups

The Parent Is Not Always Right: This week, we feature five stories of people who aren’t just bad customers, but bad parents too!

  1. Bad Parents Bug Us:
    A mother and her two “angels” go on an insect-killing spree at a zoo.
  2. Fruit Is But One Food Group:
    There’s nothing sweet about this parent’s approach to nutrition!
  3. Talking S*** Behind Someone’s Back 101:
    A mother teaches her daughter the joys of smack-talk.
  4. Rounding Down To The Nearest Child:
    Signs you have too many kids: you don’t know how many you have!
  5. Oh Where, Oh Where Have My Role Models Gone:
    Nanny nanny boo-boo, mommy acts like a doo-doo!

PS #1: check out our new Extras section, with pictures, videos, and news galore!

PS #2: Read more roundups here!