Polly Want A Chromosome

, | USA | Crazy Requests, Pets & Animals

(I work at my University’s call center, soliciting donations from alumni. We are required to update alums on school news. I’m describing the new biology building to one alum.)

Alum: “Can I use it?”

Me: “The building? Well, it is mainly for current students and faculty, but you are always welcome for a guided tour.”

Alum: “I want to clone my parrot.”

Me: “Pardon me, what was that?”

Alum: “My parrot. It died. But I saved its body in my freezer. I want to clone it.”

Me: “Ma’am, even if alumni were able to use the building, our facility does not have the equipment necessary to clone your parrot.”

Alum: “No! You don’t understand! It was exceptional; it would stack rings and cups for hours. I want you to clone it.”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m actually a biology major, and I assure you, we cannot clone your parrot.”

Alum: “Well, I’m going to contact the Biology Department. They’ll be more helpful than you are!”

(I’ve always wondered if she did, and if so, what they thought of the request!)

It’s Not Her Calling

| Raleigh, NC, USA | Bizarre, Extra Stupid

(I am working when my phone rings. I pick it up on the second ring.)

Me: “[Call center]. Mary speaking.”

Caller: “Why did you call me?”

Me: “…pardon, ma’am?”

Caller: “WHY. DID. YOU. CALL. ME?”

Me: “Ma’am, I just answered the phone. You called me. Can I—”

Caller: “No, I didn’t! I just picked up my phone and you were talking!”

Me: “My phone rung and I answered it, ma’am. Is there anything that I can help you with?”

Caller: “No! I don’t know you! Who are you?!”

Me: “This is Mary from [call center].”

Caller: “No! No! I don’t know any Mary and I don’t know any [call center]. Why did you call me?”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I did not call you. Were you intending to call someone else?”

Caller: “I didn’t call anyone! You called me! I’m done with you!” *click*

Radio Killed The Credit Card Score

| Newcastle, NSW, Australia | Technology

(Many debit cards and credit cards now come with contact-less payment technology. I get at least two calls a day to remove the technology from cards, which the bank can’t do.)

Me: “Hello, welcome to [bank]. My name is [name]. How can I help you today?”

Customer: “I’ve just received my new credit card, and it has that radio frequency payment stuff on it. I don’t want it.”

Me: “Unfortunately, [major credit card company] has made that technology a standard across all cards. We at [bank] have no control over this and cannot remove it. You don’t have to use contact-less payment if you don’t wish to. You can still sign or pin when making pay—”

Customer: “I don’t want it! You’ve got two choices: issue me a card that doesn’t have it, or I’ll chop up the card right now!”

(Note that it has been a very long day at this point: our computer systems have crashed, causing long delays in the call queue. So, having angry customer after angry customer has been taking it’s toll on me.)

Me: “Well, best break out the scissors then.”

Customer: “I’ll close my account!”

Me: “Okay, if I can have your card number, I’ll cancel and close your account now.”

Customer: “Er… umm…” *defeated* “No, I’ll activate the card please. If that’s okay?”