Please Do Not Press The Beeping Button

| Machesney Park, IL, USA | Uncategorized

(I’m conducting a customer satisfaction survey over the phone.)

Me: “Using a scale from 1 to 10, how would you rate your cable service?”

(I hear a ‘beep’.)

Me: “I need to you actually say the number, not dial it on your phone.”

Customer: “Isn’t this automated?”

Me: “Well, I’m not a machine. Could you please say what number you would rate your cable service?”

Customer: “8.”

Me: “Great! And using the same scale, how would you rate your internet service?”

*beep*

Me: “I still need you to say the number.”

Customer: “Sorry, I got confused. 8.”

Me: “Okay, and how would you rate your phone service?”

*beep*

(This went on for all thirty questions.)

Ink Isn’t The Only Thing Running Low

, | Location undisclosed | Uncategorized

Customer: “Whenever I try to print my statement from your website, it always comes out really light. I don’t have this problem with other websites. Are you guys out of ink?”

Me: “No. Are you using your home computer?”

Customer: “Yes. I already called the ink cartridge company. They said it’s not their fault.”

Me: “Well, if you’re trying to print at home, it’s a problem with your home computer. Our printers are working just fine.”

Customer: “So, you’re not out of ink?”

Me: “No. Maybe you should have someone look at your computer’s settings.”

Customer: “Should I call the ink cartridge company again?”

Me: “I don’t think that will fix it.”

Customer: “Okay. I’ll call the ink cartridge company again. Thanks! Bye!”

You’re Watching The Braille Channel

| Preston, Lancashire, UK | Uncategorized

Me: “What seems to be the problem, sir?”

Customer: “The problem is you sent me a blind person’s television!”

Me: “Pardon me, sir?”

Customer: “You heard me! A television you sell to blind people!”

Me: “I am sorry, nothing like that exists. Are you sure the TV is not just faulty?”

Customer: “I don’t care what’s wrong with it! All I know is I am not blind!”

Now I (Don’t) Know My ABCs

| Oregon, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “I just need you to type in ‘Http’.”

Caller:“Hptp?”

Me: “H like hotel, t like tom, t like tom, p like papa.”

Caller: “Htcp?”

Me: “Almost. H like hotel, T like Tom, T like Tom, P like Papa.”

Caller: “Chtc?”

Me: “Our connection must be rough.” *very slowly* “H like hoooteeel, T like Tommm, T like Tommm, P like Paaapaaa.”

Caller: “Oh! Ghtc!”

Me: “Let me send you a link.”

You Got The Wrongest Email

| Upstate, NY, USA | Uncategorized

Caller: “I’d like to get more information about [program].”

Me: “I’d be glad to help you with that, sir. Actually, we sent an email to you earlier in the week about it.”

Caller: “Really? I didn’t see it. Maybe it’s in my spam folder.”

(He checks his spam folder.)

Caller: “Well, I don’t see your email. There’s something about how male-enhancement drugs can improve my bedroom performance. That’s not from you guys, is it?”

Related:
You Got The Wrong(est) Item, Part 4
You Got The Wrong(est) Item, Part 3
You Got The Wrong(est) Item, Part 2
You Got The Wrong(est) Number, Part 3
You Got The Wrong(est) Item
You Got The Wrong(est) Number, Part 2
You Got The Wrong(est) Number

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