He Is Out-Dated

| Scotland, UK | Right | July 11, 2013

(I work in a call centre for a bank, and one of the security questions we use to verify cardholder identity is a memorable date. Some people try to get clever with you. I generally give them no reaction at all and just ask a different security question.)

Me: “Can I ask you to confirm your memorable date there for me sir?”

Customer: “Ah yes, June 9th, 1979. I met this lovely blonde woman in a bar in Soho, absolutely beautiful. She drank cocktails and we went back to mine and the things she could do kiddo, you could only imag—oh wait memorable date? Oh s***, I thought you meant…”

Me: “Ha, that’s alright, sir; do you have it there?”

Customer: “What’s your memorable date? You sound nice; you must have one.”

Me: “My boyfriend surprised me with a trip to Paris for my birthday last year. That was pretty memorable I guess.”

Customer: “Jeez, your generation sucks. Paris!? You can’t beat a roll in the hay in the back of a third hand car in Charing Cross. I’d show you that!”

Me: “Okaaaaaaay anyway, moving on.”

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The Long Hold Time Of The Law

| England, UK | Right | July 9, 2013

Me: “Good morning, [company name]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “I’ve been waiting to speak to you all afternoon.”

Me: “I’m sorry for your wait; we’ve been really busy today.”

Customer: “I’ve been waiting for 60 minutes!”

(I can see our call queue, and I know that the longest wait anyone’s had all day is about eight minutes.)

Me: “As I’ve said, we’ve been unexpectedly busy. I’m really sorry about that. How may I help you?”

Customer: “I want compensation for having to wait for so long. You’re victimizing me. You can’t get away with treating people like this!”

Me: “Sir, everyone is in the same position. Unfortunately, you’ve called us during a busy time. If we have more calls than staff at any one time, some of our customers need to wait until someone’s available to handle their call.”

Customer: “But I’m not just one of your customers. Don’t you know who I am?”

Me: “No, sir, you haven’t provided me with any of your details for me to try to help you today.”

Customer: “You can’t get away with this. I know about these things. I know! I’m going to the government! This is illegal!”

Me: “It’s not illegal for us to be busy, sir.”

Customer: *hangs up*

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Not Very Good At Checking His Account

| MT, USA|USA | Right | July 5, 2013

(I work for a bank call center.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [bank]. How may I help you today?”

Customer: “Yea, I tried to f****** withdraw my paycheck out of the ATM, and it won’t let me! You people are crooks! Get me my d*** money!”

(I look into his account and see that the customer has both a checking and a savings. I look at the history of the card, and notice that the savings has about $5, and the checking has about $300. In the card history, I see that he’s been trying to withdraw using the savings account.)

Me: “Sir, I noticed that you have two accounts linked to your debit card. It looks like the savings account was selected at the ATM as the account to withdraw from; are you near an ATM?”

Customer: “Did you f****** fix it yet?! You d*** thieves!”

Me: “Sir, I understand your frustration. If you’re near an ATM, I would be happy to hold on while you try it again. This time, when it asks what account to withdraw from, you need to choose checking rather then savings.”

Customer: “It can’t be that easy! I’m not that stupid!”

Me: “I didn’t say you were stupid; I’m only trying to help. Now please humor me, and try it again if you can.”

(I can hear the customer cursing under his breath about me. I can see on my screen that he makes the withdrawal out of the checking account this time. He then comes back onto the line.)

Customer: “Oh, I guess it was that easy. You people should make it more clearer next time!”

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When Contact Information Is Not Contact Information

| WA, USA | Right | July 3, 2013

Me: “Good morning, this is [my name]!”

Customer: “Yeah, your resolutions team never called me back. I was told you would call me in two business days, and it’s been almost a month!”

Me: “Well, it looks like the resolution team closed out this issue due to lack of communication from the customer.”

Customer: “They never tried to f****** call me! I’d know if they’d tried to call me!”

Me: “I show that a resolution team agent called you on [date], [date], and [date]. Were you out of town maybe?”

Customer: “Did they call [phone number]?”

Me: “Yes, that is the number you provided for contact in the order.”

Customer: “Well, we don’t answer the phone!”

(There is a long silence.)

Me: “I also show that the resolution agent attempted to contact you by email on [date].”

Customer: “Did they send it to [email address]?”

Me: “Yes, that is the contact email listed in the order.”

Customer: “Oh, she doesn’t speak English, so she just deletes everything that’s not in Spanish.”

Me: “So, how were we supposed to contact you since you didn’t provide us with any alternate contact information?”

*click*

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Turning Down Is A Turn Off

| CA, USA | Right | July 3, 2013

Coworker: “Okay, sir… your order is—”

(I can hear a pornographic film being played in the background.)

Coworker: “Okay, I’m going say this and kindly, but bluntly: sir, I can’t hear you over your pornographic film. Can you turn it down a bit?”

Customer: “Wait, you can hear that?”

Coworker: “Yes, sir, it is quite loud. I’m attempting to give you your order number, but—”

Customer: “Oh…”

Coworker: “Yeah.”

Customer: “You like it?”

Coworker: “Uh… no, actually. If you can turn it down a little I’d be—”

Customer: “What?! Are you telling me to turn off my porn?!”

Coworker: “No, sir, I’m not. However, I’m having a hard time talking over the delivery guy with a medium sausage pizza. If you can turn it down a bit, I can give you your—”

Customer: *click*

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