Can’t Pin Him Down To A Number

| Colorado Springs, CO, USA | Right | August 7, 2013

(I work overnight at a prepaid phone call center. A customer calls in every night to change his pin, because he is paranoid. He is always abusive. His constant pin changes finally catch up with him.)

Me: “Thank you for calling; my name is [name]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “I want to change the PIN on my account.”

Me: “Absolutely, we just need your current PIN, please.”

Customer: *gives wrong PIN*

Me: “I’m sorry; that’s incorrect. I’ll need the PIN to access the account.”

Customer: “Listen, I need to change my PIN because I don’t know it. I don’t remember what I used last. I want it to be 123456. Please change it now.”

Me: “I’m so sorry, but we can’t change the PIN without verifying that this is your account. It would defeat the purpose.”

Customer: “I’m going to find out where you are and I’m gonna come down there and cut your head off. Then I’m gonna burn the building down and kill all of your friends, and then you’re gonna go home and cry into your pillow because you’re so lonely. What do you think about that?”

Me: “Well, I think if you cut my head off, I won’t get much crying done. I’m sorry that you don’t know your PIN. Unfortunately, I am done trying to help you. I’ve marked your account abusive, and you’ll need to hold for a supervisor.”

(The customer hangs up. His account is forever marked as immediate transfer to a supervisor, and he switches carriers. Those poor people.)

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A Gem Of A Customer

| Worcestershire, England, UK | Right | August 7, 2013

(A lovely, regular customer has called up after we have sent her the wrong thing. She has always been very friendly and polite and this is no exception.)

Customer: “Have you got what I was supposed to have in stock?”

Me: “We have some of the items. I’d be happy to send them to you for free.”

Customer: “Okay, well I’ll send this stuff back.”

Me: “Don’t worry about it, keep it. I know you can use it all, so just keep it.”

Customer: “Then you have to charge me for these beads!”

Me: “No, I will not.”

Customer: “Charge me for them!”

Me: “No, no, no, no, no, no.”

Customer: “Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.”

Me: “No! You will have free gemstones if you like it or not!”

Customer: “Not if you’re not going to charge me!”

Me: “Too late! I’ve added them onto your order!”

Customer: “Well, if you insist!”

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Working Your Way Up To The Bridge

| Cardiff, Wales, UK | Working | August 6, 2013

(It’s my first week on the job, and I’m talking to a few of my coworkers, trying to build some sort of friendship.)

Me: “Oh, do you watch Star Trek?”

Coworker #1: “Oh goodness, not another one.”

Coworker #2: *shaking her head* “You’ll get along with [manager], then.”

(Just at that moment, [manager] leaves for lunch. Before he leaves, he turns to the assistant manager.)

Manager: “Number one, you have the bridge.”

Assistant Manager: “Aye, captain.”

(I can’t stop laughing, while my other coworkers shake their heads. Later on, I need to ask my manager a question about my work.)

Me: “…so, [manager], I believe that’s the correct course of action.”

Manager: “Make it so.”

(I try to stifle my laughter, as I see my coworkers shaking their heads even more. Needless to say, my manager and I have become the best of friends!)

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First Get Assurance You Have The Right Insurance

, | Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Right | August 3, 2013

Me: “Motor Claims, this is [my name].”

Customer: “God, finally. I’ve been on hold to you for ages! My claim number is [insert number].”

Me: “I’m so sorry to hear that. Here, let me ring this up for you.”

(I get halfway through before I realize something is off about the number the customer has given me.)

Customer: “I’m sick to the teeth! I need to know what you guys are doing with my car!”

Me: “Uhm, ma’am—”

Customer: “You keep telling me it will be ready this week! Someone will call me back! Blah blah blah!”

Me: “Ma—”

Customer: “Just tell me what’s going on with my car!”

Me: “I… can’t.”

Customer: “What?!”

Me: “I can’t tell you what’s going on with your car.”

Customer: “Wait, why not?!”

Me: “This isn’t one of our claim numbers.”

Customer: “Is this [other insurance company]?”

Me: “No, madam. This is [insurance company].”

Customer: “Well f***. I just wasted half an hour of my life.” *click*

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Modern TV’s Have A Solid State

| USA | Right | August 2, 2013

(I work at a call center that deals with warranties on different products. In order to file any complaints regarding the product, I first have to get all of the info about the product. I am speaking to a customer who is calling to make a complaint about her TV.)

Me: “Alright, and would you mind telling me the size of your television?”

Customer: “I’m not sure what size it is. Should I measure it?”

Me: “No, no, that is fine. Could you tell me what brand it is?”

Customer: “It is [name brand TV set].”

Me: “Great, thank you! And now could you tell me if it is an LCD or LED TV?”

Customer: “What do you mean?”

Me: “Well, it is the type of screen. I can’t remember what LED stands for currently, but I know LCD stands for ‘Liquid Crystal Display’.”

Customer: “Oh… okay. Just one second and I’ll find out for you.”

Me: “Great, thanks!”

(I hear silence over the phone for a moment, then some light tapping sounds in the background.)

Customer: “Okay, I’m back, and it isn’t a Liquid Crystal Display. The screen is too hard!”

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