I work in the call center for an internet/TV service provider. A woman calls in to say that her TV isn’t working properly.
Friend: “Could you tell me what’s currently on your screen?”
Caller: “I don’t know! There’s a box with a bunch of words telling me to do things!”
I work for a grocery store call center, and my job is to call customers up when their payments for orders don’t go through. We get a lot of customers who are suspicious of us as we call from withheld numbers and most aren’t expecting their payment to fail. That is fine; half the job is to put their mind at ease. A lot want to know why the payment failed and while we don’t get told why, we can guess.
A customer has just given me their card details, and while it’s processing, asks:
Customer: “So, why didn’t it go through before?”
Me: “I don’t know for sure; we don’t get told. But we did try at 5:00 am, so it’s a chance the bank may have stopped it for a security check and then timed out the transaction.”
Customer: “Oh. Well, is there anything I can do to stop this from happening again?”
Me: “I’m afraid not. If the bank chooses to do a check, then we can’t stop them.”
Customer: “But is there a way to stop it?”
Me: “Unfortunately not. I can’t say it will never happen. There is always a chance of it happening. It’s like crossing the road; there is always a chance of getting hit by a bus but it probably won’t happen.”
There’s a three-second pause as I realise what I just said.
Me: “That’s a very bad analogy. Umm… there is always a chance it will happen, but I can’t say it won’t. Anyway, your payment has gone through and your order will be delivered today between four and five.”
Luckily, the customer laughed at my “open mouth, insert foot” moment, but my colleagues didn’t stop making fun of me for the rest of the shift. But hey, at least I didn’t get hit by a bus.
I work at a well-known call center in Texas where people call in about their credit reports. I have been going back and forth with this particular customer for some time, so I ask a lead to step in for me and finish the call.
While doing so, I am able to listen as she is using the actual phone while I have my headset on.
Caller: “I want this removed from my report immediately! It should not be there! It is fraud!”
Lead: “Ma’am, I understand that you wish to have this removed. However, we have not received any proof that this is fraud from you or the creditor on file. If you have that, we—”
Caller: “If I had that, don’t you think I would have sent it, you stupid b****?!”
Lead: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but if you continue to use that language, I will have to terminate the call. I will only ask once. Now, if you do not have that, I recommend that you go to the nearest police station and file a report for fraud. Then, once it has been processed, send it to us.”
Caller: “This is such bulls***! I bet you need a good lay, you s***!”
My lead is completely speechless and doesn’t even know what to say.
Caller: “HELLO?!”
Lead: “I’m sorry, ma’am. As I have already warned you, I’m now ending this call. Goodbye.”
Caller: “NO! WAIT—” *Click*
My lead and I shared a good laugh, and we have no idea if she ever sent in the proof that we needed, but it was no longer our problem.
I work in a pensions and investments company call centre. I am on their e-service support desk for people struggling to log into their accounts on our website. I have a caller phone up, go through all the security questions with me, and then let me know they are having trouble logging in.
Our website has a lot of different login screens, so clicking “log in” just takes you to all the different sections for the different accounts. These are all labelled with the type of account the customer has to make it easy to navigate to the right place.
Me: “So, what you do is you click ‘log in,’ click ‘customer,’ and navigate to ‘[Correct Contract]’. Once there, click that button to take you to your login portal.”
Caller: “Okay.” *Pauses* “So, I’m logged in, but I don’t see my plan.”
Me: “Did you navigate to ‘[Correct Contract]’ and click it?”
Caller: “I clicked ‘log in’ but nothing happened. I don’t see my plan details.”
Me: “Okay, so you click ‘log in,’ click ‘customer,’ and navigate to ‘[Correct Contract]’.”
Caller: “I did click ‘log in’ but nothing happened. I can’t see my plan still.”
Me: “…”
Me: “So, after you click ‘log in,’ you need to click ‘customer’ to give you the different login options, and then you need to click on ‘[Correct Contract]’. This is where you actually need to log in. So, can you do that for me?”
Caller: “Nothing happened.”
Me: *Patience running thin* “Did you click on ‘customer’?”
Caller: *Realisation dawns* “Oh… okay.” *Pauses* “So… now where do I log in?”
Me: *Rubbing my face* “You click… ‘[Correct Contract]’.”
Caller: *Long, long pause* “Oooh, okay.” *Pauses* “So do I put my login info here?”
Me: *Forcing a smile, gritted teeth* “Yeah, that’s your login page. Yup. Uh-huh.”
Caller: *Pauses again* “Okay! I see my plan now! You’ve been really helpful, thanks! Bye.” *Hangs up*
Me: *Just stares at the screen*
Forty years ago, long before the Internet or Google, I used to work for international information in Bern, Switzerland. People could use our service to find phone numbers and addresses. We used to have hundreds of phone books from all over the world, and it was often the only way to ever find a phone number in a foreign country.
Caller: “I need a phone number for [Company], an organ builder and Royal purveyors in Munich, Germany.”
This already sounds weird to me since “official royalty” had been abandoned for quite a while in Germany, and of course, her request is nowhere to be found in our phone books. The lady becomes all agitated and insists that it is a “real, existing” address!
Me: “May I ask where you got the company details from?”
Caller: “Well, it’s stuck here on my organ! This company must exist!”
Me: “How old is your organ?”
Caller: *Proudly* “Oh, over two hundred years!”
Me: “Well, ever thought that this builder might be dead by now?”
Caller: “Oh… I haven’t thought of this! Who will repair it now? Just go look in your books and see if he had some children!”
