Auctions Speak Louder Than Words

| Nottingham, England, UK | Language & Words, Money

Me: “Hi, you’ve reached [me] at [company]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, I sent my item back because I didn’t want it, and now you’re refusing to give me a refund.”

(I take the customer’s order number and details and see what our system says.)

Me: “According to our system, we received your item back on [date] and the refund should have been automatic.”

Customer: “Well, I haven’t got it, and I got an email today telling me you were going to auction my refund!”

Me: “I’m sorry, what?”

Customer: “I can’t believe you can’t even do a simple refund! How stupid are you? I’ve shopped with you for a very long time, but I never will again! How dare you auction my things?”

(The customer goes on like this for a few minutes, accusing the company of stealing her money and me of being too stupid to help her. Once she stops, I get a chance to reply.)

Me: “Okay. Might the e-mail say we’re actioning your refund”?”

Customer: *hangs up*

It’s Always Best To Check

| Central Valley, CA, USA | Extra Stupid

(I have spoken to this caller about two weeks ago. She calls again and I pull up her account.)

Caller: “I called a couple of weeks ago and was told to expect a check for $1000.”

Me: “Yes, that’s correct, I remember authorizing the check myself, let me review the file. I spoke to you on the 9th, and the check went out on the 10th.”

Caller: “Today is the 22nd, and I haven’t received it yet.”

Me: “I’m sorry about that, let’s double-check your address. We send the check to [address].”

Caller: “Yes, that is correct.”

Me: “Okay, let’s make sure that we have everything spelled correctly.”

(We double-check that her name and address are spelled correctly.)

Me: “Ma’am, have you been having any difficulties with receiving your mail? Have you gotten the mail from anybody else?”

Caller: “I don’t know, I haven’t checked the mail all week!”

Me: “Then maybe you should check your mail?”

Caller: “As in right now?”

Me: “Yes, I can hold while you check.”

Caller: “Okay, I’ll be right back.”

(Caller puts the phone down, and she comes back on the line in about a minute.)

Caller: “I got the check!”

Issues Of Trust To Leave You Bust

| USA | Bizarre

(As a supervisor for a major cell phone company, I am often the last rung on the ladder people get when angry and demanding assistance above the person they are speaking with. My employee who handles angry customers first calls me, somewhat frustrated, stating the customer has been very demanding and uncooperative. I take over.)

Customer: “I don’t know why this is so f***ing hard. I just need my info about my plan. Aren’t you people smarter than this?”

Me: “I am certainly happy to assist with your plan info. I just need your phone number to look up your account.”

Customer: “That’s what I mean. I can’t give you that. How do I know you are who you say you are? You could be any bum off the street.”

Me: “I’m sorry you feel that way. I’m a little confused, though. I mean, you called us. You dialed the number for [company name]. Why would you think I didn’t work for [company name]?”

Customer: “Man, they have computers that can read your mind and steal your ATM numbers. This is crap. Just tell me what plan I have.”

Me: “Have you tried checking that info through the phone itself? It gives you a complete breakdown of all the—”

Customer: “Are you listening to me? I don’t trust anything I see on the internet. It’s all lies and unicorns.”

Me: “Um…”

Customer: “Just tell me what plan you have me set up on. I don’t have time for this.”

Me: “I need your device ID or—”

Customer: “This is ridiculous!”

Me: “We have millions of customers. You didn’t call from the phone, or the info would have come up. You could be any of [company name]’s customers. I really want to help you.”

Customer: “Well, I’m not one of [company name]’s customers.”

Me: “Beg your pardon?”

Customer: “I don’t trust you guys. I’m with… someone else.”

Me: “You have service with another company?”

Customer: “Right?”

Me: “Which company?”

Customer: “See? What are you? Stupid? I’m not telling you s***!”

Me: “So, you don’t have service with [company name]? At all?”

Customer: “Right.”

Me: “And… uh… you called us to help you with info about your account with one of our competitors?”

Customer: “Yeah.”

Me: “I’m sorry but I can’t possibly help you with that. I can only help with our own customers. I don’t have access to-”

Customer: “I don’t trust those a**holes. You aren’t going to help me either.”

Me: “I mean, sorry, but I’m not able to. I want to help you, but you haven’t really put me in a position to-”

Customer: “I knew it! F*** you! You all suck!” *hangs up*

Me: *speechless*