Socket To Him

, | IA, USA | Right | October 18, 2013

(I take calls from customers about billing and any cable troubleshooting.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Cable Company]; how can I help you?”

Customer: “Your cable has blown up my TV! All I have is a black screen. The TV won’t even turn on. Your equipment is cheap, and you’re a bad cable company!”

Me: “Sir, let me see if I can help you.”

Customer: “I don’t think so; you are all stupid!”

Me: “I don’t see any outage reported in your area. Can you tell if your cable box has any lights on it?”

Customer: “Yes, it has a red and yellow one. But you have blown up my f****** TV! You’ll have to pay for it.”

Me: “Sir, can I have you pick up the remote and push the TV button, and then the power button?”

(Note: If the TV is just turned off, this will turn it on.)

Customer: “Nothing, I still have a black screen. This is a new TV. I spent good money on it!”

Me: “I understand, sir. Let’s start with simple things and work our way up so maybe we won’t have to send a tech out.”

Customer: “You’ll have to pay for my TV; that’s what you’ll do!”

Me: “Are there any kind of lights or buttons lit up on your TV?”

Customer: “No, you blew it up.”

Me: “Can I have you just check to make sure it is still plugged in?”

Customer: “I never unplugged it; of course it’s plugged in. But if it will make you happy…”

(He sets the phone down and I hear him swearing in the background and the TV come on.)

Customer: “Forget it. I’ll… fix it myself.” *click*

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Singing To A Different Scripted Tune

| UK | Right | October 10, 2013

(I ring up my phone network provider to get my mobile phone contract renegotiated. Thanks to regulations in the UK, call center staff are told they must repeat themselves over and over again so the consumer understands what they’re signing up to. I get a little bored after hearing the same script for the fifth time.)

Employee: “So, you understand that you’ll be getting 600 minutes—”

Me: “DAAAAHHH DAH DAH DAH DAH DAH DAH, DAAAAAH DAH DAH DAH DAH DAH DAH, DAAAAAHHHH DAH DAH DAH DAH DAH DAH!”

Employee: “1 gig of data—”

Me: “DAAAAH DAH DAH DAH DAH DAH DAH!”

Employee: “You have the right to—”

Me: “DUUUH DUUUUH DUUUH DUUUUH!”

Employee: “Contact us at any time if—”

Me: “Do you ever feel like you’re repeating yourself? I’m sure I’ve heard this 12 times already.”

Employee: “You have no idea.”

Me: “Okay, I’ll just keep singing then.”

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Doing Irreparable Damage

| ON, Canada | Working | October 10, 2013

(My cell phone’s ear piece has stopped working. I take it to a kiosk for the company, where they proclaim it broken, and tell me the free way to exchange it. Later, I get a $100 warranty charge on my bill.)

Me: “Hi, I’m calling about the $100 charge on my bill? I was told there was no charge if I returned the phone.”

Representative: “Well, our records indicate that we never got the phone.”

Me: “Really? Because I used the packaging and shipping label you sent me, and shipped it back within the week.”

Representative: “Oh, wait, the warehouse did get it. But there was no damage, so we charged you.”

Me: “The ear piece was broken. I couldn’t use it as a phone! And a rep at one of your kiosks told me it was broken!”

Representative: “Oh, wait, there was damage. And that’s why we charged you.”

Me: “Wait, so the kiosk lied? I was told that as long as I returned the phone, there was no fee. They told me about the exchange, and that my phone was qualified for it. And if the exchange doesn’t work for phones with damage, and it doesn’t work for phones without damage, how do you qualify!?”

Representative: “…a $100 credit will be applied to your account.”

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Bashing The Button Basher

| TX, USA | Right | October 8, 2013

(A 20-something calls in with the very common problem of their TV showing a blank screen. I’m second-level tech support, meaning they’ve already spoken to someone who either concluded their problem was serious, or simply gave up attempting to assist them.)

Me: “Press the red button at the very top of your remote.”

Caller: “Umm… uh… What’s a button?”

Me: “Do you want to think about what you just asked for a moment?”

Caller: “Umm, yeah, what’s a button?”

Me: “Those little round things that make stuff happen when you push them.”

Caller: “Oh, it worked! What was wrong?”

Me: “Your TV was turned off.”

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Must Have Dismissed Thinking It Through

| Toronto, ON, Canada | Working | October 3, 2013

(I work for a small call center and my boss has been trying to get rid of me for months. She is trying everything in the book to fire me without having to pay severance. I have just come in after a smoke break and she orders me into her office.)

Boss: “Pack your bags; you are fired.”

Me: “What? Why?”

Boss: “You threatened my manager with your fist, and now she is afraid of you. She has asked me to fire you, so leave.”

Me: “When did I do these things you are accusing me of?”

Boss: “Five minutes ago!”

Me: “I was outside having a break!”

Boss: “No, I saw the whole thing. Now leave, or I will call the police!”

(I stand up and walk to the door and call the manager into the boss’ office.)

Me: *to the manager* “Did I threaten you just now?”

Manager: “Huh? Of course not!”

Me: “Did I wave my fist at you? Are you scared, and so you want me gone?”

Manager: “Uh no? That’s ridiculous!”

(I turn back to the boss who is red in the face.)

Me: “Do you know what wrongful dismissal means?”

Boss: “Get back to work.”

(I am still there. The boss has given up, and does not even talk to me anymore—which is fine by me!)

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