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They’re Out For The Count(y)

, | TX, USA | Extra Stupid, Geography

(I work for a call center for a well know bank. Due to concerns about fraud, for any transaction that the bank deems ‘high risk’ we have to verify our customers further before we do a transaction. One of the ways to do it is to ask questions that are pulled from their credit report.)

Customer: “I need to change my address; I am moving Tuesday.”

Me: “Ok, sir, I can understand why that would be important to you. I will need to verify you more fully before we proceed. I will ask you a couple of public record questions, followed by a ‘none of the above’ or ‘does not apply’. Please select which opens fits you best, okay?”

Customer: “Go ahead.”

Me: “What county is on record with [Bank] for your residential address?” *I read the options*

Customer: “I don’t have a county. I live in a city.”

Me: “Yes, sir, I understand that. Do you live in the United States?”

Customer: “Yeah.”

Me: “Then you do live in a county; what county do you live in?”

Customer: “OH! I heard you wrong. You said country! I live in the United States.”

Me: “No, sir. That is not a county. You know, like, Orange County in California?”

Customer: “Wait, the color or the food?”

(Needless to say the customer didn’t pass the authentication and ended up needing to go to the branch. I wonder if that guy ever found out what a county was…)

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My English Is Bad (Language)

| NV, USA | Language & Words

Me: “[Call Center], this is [My Name]. May I help you?”

Caller: “Is there someone who speaks Spanish?” *this is a frequent request, but one we cannot fulfill at this time*

Me: “No, I’m sorry. I do not, and neither does anyone else here in the call center.”

Caller: “F***!” *hangs up*

(At least he knew that much English!)

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It’s A Good Thing They’re Going Back To School

| Beaverton, OR, USA | Extra Stupid

(We call people who have submitted requests for more information about going back to school. I’ve worked at this call center for a little under a week and these are just a couple of things I’ve heard.)

First Story:

Me: “What is your age?”

Caller #1: “Huh? You mean right now?”

Me: “Yes?”

Second Story:

Me: “Are you currently enrolled in school?”

Caller #2: “Um, I don’t know.”

Third Story:

Caller #3: “Are you one of those smart robot thingies?”

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Sweet Suite Karma

| IL, USA | Bad Behavior, Hotels & Lodging

(I work at a small call center for a catalog company. A well known hotel chain’s toll free phone number is one digit different than ours. They printed out an advertisement and accidently put our phone number on it instead of theirs, so we’d get a couple of calls a day where we had to explain to a customer the mistake and give them the correct number. Most people were understanding, but then I took a call from this particular person:)

Me: “Thank you for calling; how can I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah, I want to book a room at your Orlando location.”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry, there was a misprint in a recent advertisement of [Hotels]. You dialed the wrong number. You want [correct number].”

Customer: Excuse me?

Me: “There was a misprint in a recent advertisement of theirs. You dialed the wrong number. You want [correct number].”

Customer: “No, I know I dialed correctly. Now, I need to book a room. ”

(The conversation catches the ear of the president of the company who is walking by. He stops at my desk. I shrug my shoulders at him and show him the hotel ad. He nods, understanding what’s happening.)

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. This is [Company], not [Hotels]. The correct number is—”

Customer: “Now, you listen here. I’m not an idiot! I dialed the correct phone number. Now, are you going to take my reservation or not?!”

(The president gets my attention again.)

President: *quietly* “Put him on hold; I’ll talk to him.”

Me: “Sir, would you like to talk to my boss?”

Customer: “YES, I would!”

(I put the customer on hold and poke my head in the president’s office. I tell him what line he is on. The president motions for me to stay.)

President: “Hello, I understand you are trying to book a room? Uh-huh. Okay. What weekend are you and your family coming down? Uh-huh. OK, because of your inconvenience, we will upgrade you to the president’s suite at no extra charge. Here is your confirmation number—” *rattles off a meaningless number* “Thank you, and we’ll see you on the 30th. Goodbye.”

(I am wide-eyed in shock and holding back my laughter.)

President: “That’ll teach him to open his ears…”

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Wouldn’t Want To Be In Her Prescription Shoes

| USA | Crazy Requests, Technology

(I work at a call center for one of the nation’s largest insurance firms. Today I’m handling an irate caller who’s very upset that she can’t get back more money on her last claim for her prescription shoes.)

Customer: “This is absolutely disgusting! I’ve been a member for ten years and this is how you treat me?”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but $500 is the annual limit for footwear so you’ve already gotten the maximum rebate. That’s the same for everyone no matter how long they’ve been with us.”

Customer: “I don’t care about anyone else! I’ve been with you for ten years and I expect to be shown some gratitude!”

Me: “Ma’am, you’ve only been with us for a year at the most.”

Customer: “WHAT?! HOW DARE YOU! How dare you say that to me! Do you know who you’re talking to!?”

Me: “Yes, you are [Customer] of [Address]. You activated your policy [number] on [Date that’s just barely 12 months from today] and so far have tried to defraud us several times claiming you deserve more money than your policy allows.”

Customer: “HOW THE H*** DO YOU KNOW ALL THAT?!”

Me: “It’s right here on my screen, in your profile. We do pride ourselves on making sure we keep detailed records and know everything important about our customers so we can handle their issues at a moment’s notice.”

Customer: “F***!” *click*

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