The Computer Has A Lot Of Bugs

| Montreal, QC, Canada | Bizarre, Pets & Animals, Technology

(We take calls from people who’ve purchased protection plans..)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Team]! My name is [My Name]. How can I help you today?”

Caller: “Yeah, uh, I got a message from y’all’s service center that said they can’t repair my [Console].”

Me: “Oh, gosh, sorry about that. Mind if I put you on hold for a quick minute or two? I’ll see what notes they’ve left on that.”

(I put the caller on hold and when I check his file, the service center first told us that it was “unsanitary” to repair. When I keep reading, I find out that the center refused to service the Console because of a cockroach infestation. I took an extra 30 seconds to compose myself and try to find a way to gently break this to the customer.)

Me: “Hi! Thanks for holding; sorry for the wait. Um, there’s no easy way to say this but, uh… the service center denied repairs because it was unsanitary.”

Customer: “What? What does that mean?”

Me: “They said that there was a… cockroach… infestation.”

(The customer stays silent for a little while. It’s important to note that the customer originally filed a claim because the Consoleq was overheating.)

Customer: “Well, uh… what, what if I cleaned it out? Can I send it back in then?”

Me: “Well, I’m not entirely sure we’d be able to accept that, but you can certainly try! Maybe that’ll even solve your heating issue.”

(Customer thanked me and hung up. A few weeks later, one of my coworkers got a call from the same guy. They had to forward the call to our supervisor, who then proceeded to tell him that unless he could send us a copy of the invoice from when the Console was professionally cleaned, we would continue to refuse service on his infested Console!)

Their Brain Was Dead On Arrival

| London, England, UK | Extra Stupid

(Customer reported his car had broken down. The call went pretty smoothly until the end:)

Me: “So if you have no further questions, I’ll arrange the assistance for you now and give you a call back when we’ve got someone on their way, once we have an estimated time of arrival.”

Customer: “I’ve got one question. When will someone be here?”

Me: “I’m very sorry, I can’t be sure until we have made a few calls and gotten the technician on their way. If you could give us a little bit of time to arrange things, expect a call back in about ten minutes.”

Customer: “But when will he be arriving? Will I get a call?”

(By this point I knew the customer wasn’t listening at all and what should have been a quick easy call was going to take an extra five-plus minutes.)

Me: “Yes, sir, as soon as we know we will give you a call straight back.”

Customer: *long pause* “So you don’t know how long it’ll be?”

Me: “I’m afraid not.”

Customer: “But I’ve got to go out later. What if he comes when I’m out?”

Me: “Well, we’ll be letting you know in advance. I’m sorry, but I don’t have an idea how long it will be until I call the technician, you see.”

Customer: *another long pause*

Me: “…Sooo, if that’s all for now, we’ll let you know the estimated time of arrival in ten minutes.”

Customer: “Okay, great, he’ll be here in ten minutes? How did you know without calling him?”

Me: *face-palm*

(I then had to spend the next few minutes explaining that the tech won’t be there in ten minutes, but we will let him know ASAP. In the time it took me, I could have dispatched it, called the technician, had a long chat about the weather, gotten the ETA, and called the customer back.)

Taxing Faxing, Part 17

| Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Extra Stupid, Technology

(After finishing up a call with a customer…)

Me: “Is there anything else I can help you with?”

Customer: “You know, you don’t have to send out things via the post. It’s such a waste of paper and trees.”

Me: “Fair enough.”

Customer: “So, I was thinking you could fax them. Is that okay?”

Related:
Taxing Faxing, Part 16
Taxing Faxing, Part 15
Taxing Faxing, Part 14

Obeys Instructions To The Letter

, | Liverpool, England, UK | Extra Stupid

(I’m in the security department and from time to time we send letters out to customers if we need to check transactions are genuine.)

Me: “[Bank] Security. You’re speaking to [My Name] in Liverpool; can I take your name, please?”

Customer: “I’ve got a letter, here.”

Me: “Okay, we’ll just be wanting to check some transactions on your account, just to make sure everything is genuine.”

Customer: “What?”

Me: “It’ll just be a security check. Is that what the letter says?”

Customer: “I don’t know.”

(I assumed at this point that perhaps he couldn’t read so I was about to explain further when…)

Customer: “Should I open it?”

Me: “Sorry?”

Customer: “Should I open the letter?”

Me: “Uh.. well… yes.”

Customer: “Okay, that’s all I wanted to know. Thanks, bye!”

(I feel bad, because I didn’t tell him to read it after opening it, and didn’t visit his address and personally type in our phone number for him, either.)

Refunder Blunder, Part 18

| USA | Crazy Requests, Money

Customer: “I see these earmuffs in your catalog and I really would like to have them, but I don’t have enough money on my credit card to get them right now because I was buying gifts. Soooo, I want to cancel an order I placed yesterday so that won’t charge on my card, and that will free it up some.”

Me: “I apologize. Your order placed yesterday has already been processed and you will receive it within 6-8 business days. I cannot cancel the order at this time.”

Customer: “Can’t you just take a pair of the earmuffs out of your warehouse and hold them aside for me until I have enough credit on my card?”

Me: “I’m very sorry, ma’am, we cannot hold merchandise aside in anticipation of someone ordering it.”

Customer: “Well, do this… I am returning $400 worth of stuff to you today. Once I get the tracking number, I’ll call you so you can go ahead and process the return and credit my credit card, so I can order these earmuffs before they sell out.”

Me: *trying to keep it together* “My apologies again, ma’am. We cannot process your return until it actually arrives to our facility…”

Customer: “Can I speak to a supervisor? It’s not you; it’s just that sometimes they can do things you can’t…”

Related:
Refunder Blunder, Part 17
Refunder Blunder, Part 16
Refunder Blunder, Part 15

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