She Can Lose Weight But You Can’t Lose That Ugly Personality

, , , , , | Working | March 26, 2018

(I have a medical condition that makes it hard for me to keep my weight down. For years, I’ve been able to keep myself around a size 12 or 14. Then, last year, I had a baby and went from a very active job to a sedentary job. Between the two, I gained 60 pounds: 25 from my son and another 35 after I had him. When my son was a year old, I got a new job. I have a coworker who has a lot to say about how I look.)

Coworker: *sees picture of me from before I was pregnant* “Oh, wow! You used to be really pretty.”

Me: “Um… Thanks?”

(We have a client send us 12 pints of ice cream for the office. We have about 15 to 20 people in the office on any given day. My coworker comes back to our area with an entire pint of ice cream.)

Coworker: “Are you going to get any ice cream?”

Me: “Oh, after lunch I might have a little bit.”

Coworker: “Just go grab a pint.”

Me: “No, thanks. I couldn’t eat that much, and I’m fairly sure it’s to share.”

Coworker: “Well, I mean, you’ve already let yourself go, so why not enjoy it?”

Me: *long pause* “Enjoy your ice cream.”

(My husband and I decide to join a popular weight-lifting gym and go three days a week. The first month is hard and I am always super sore.)

Coworker: “Why are you always so sore?”

Me: “I started working out. It will get better as my body gets stronger.”

Coworker: “Why are you doing that?”

Me: “I have a medical condition that causes me to gain weight really easily and makes me more likely to have diabetes and heart disease. Losing weight will make me a lot healthier, and it is the only known thing to help with the symptoms.”

Coworker: “Why are you always so negative? You should just learn to love your body!”

Me: “I do love my body.”

(Later, my husband and I have been going to the gym regularly for two months. I’ve been losing an inch a month around my stomach. One of our friends wants to do a diet for 30 days, so we decide to join her. I’m in the lunchroom eating my lunch.)

Coworker: “That looks good. What is it?”

Me: “Turkey meatballs, steamed carrots, and garlic cauliflower puree with caramelized onions.”

Coworker: “Cauliflower puree? I thought it was mashed potatoes.”

Me: “Yeah, it looks like it, doesn’t it? I’m on a 30-day diet, and I’ve cut out sugar, dairy, carbs, and starchy vegetables like potatoes. So, this is a ‘substitute’ for mashed potatoes.”

Coworker: “I hate diets; they always make you eat rabbit food, and they make you fatter in the end! You can’t keep them up, so why bother?”

Me: “Well… That is true with a lot of diets, but mine is only supposed to be 30 days, not forever. I’m also losing weight without the diet, so I’m just trying to reach my plateau faster.”

Coworker: “Take my word; you’re going to be eating gross food, and you’ll just end up fat, anyway. There is no way you’re going to keep it up.”

Me: “I’ve done this diet before. I would usually do it for ten days every six months just to help reset my eating habits and remind myself that I don’t need bread with every meal. I actually really like it, so I’m not to worried about it.”

Coworker: “Then why are you so fat?”

Me: “I’m going to eat at my desk. I have work to do.”

Giving New Meaning To The Graveyard Shift

, , , , , , , | Working | March 26, 2018

This incident took place in 1973. I was employed at the time as an answering service operator in a small answering service located in the downtown area. I was also attending the local university, and this job fit in well, because I could work swing and graveyard shifts. This incident took place on a Sunday, early in the morning.

The answering service I worked at had two units in a small office building on the first floor: the answering service office, and behind it, the switchboard room. We had four PBX work stations, each station with 80 accounts. The switchboard room was situated at the back of the building and faced a narrow alley. Outside the switchboard room, at the end of the hallway, was a back door that led to the alley. On weekends and after hours — 6:00 pm to 8:00 am — this was the only way to enter or exit work.

On this Sunday, I was the day shift relief for the graveyard operator. I was working overtime that Sunday. Part of the “benefit” for working overtime on a Sunday was that the covered parking — only four spaces — in the alley was available.

I parked my car in the covered parking, and then walked over to the back door and knocked to let the graveyard operator know that I was there to relieve her.

I knocked for one minute. No answer. I moved away from the door and stepped to the left a few paces. There was a “transom” window set high in the back wall of the switchboard room, and it was open. So, I yelled out that I was back there, waiting to be let in.

No answer.

I went and got my car, and parked alongside the back wall. Then, I climbed onto the trunk, and then up onto the hood. I could just barely see into the switchboard room. There was no one inside. I yelled some more and then climbed back down and honked my car horn

Now I was very concerned. I drove over to the nearest payphone down the block (no cell phones in those days), as I had the phone number for the office manager. I explained what was going on. I told her I was going to call the police, and she said was going to contact the owner of the building to have someone respond with a key.

The police showed up. If I remember correctly, they had the fire department make entry into the building. Around the corner from the answering service office was the first floor bathroom. My coworker was found inside, passed out from an overdose, with her baby inside the stroller next to her.

Fortunately, she survived the overdose, but she was immediately fired. She was only 19 or 20 and had taken the job because she would be working graveyard, and could have her baby with her.

Rated R(iech)

, , , , | Right | March 24, 2018

(A new policy has been in effect for only a couple weeks about children under six years old not being allowed in rated-R movies. A lot of people don’t know the policy. Corporate had us put up a small sign alerting customers to the new rule.)

Me: “Hi there! What can I do for you today?”

Customer: “Hello. I’d like 11 tickets to [R-rated movie], please.”

(I spot a small child in his group.)

Me: “Okay, sir. How old is your little one?”

Customer: “He’s five.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but children six and under aren’t allowed in rated-R movies.”

Customer: “Oh, it’s okay; he’ll be with me.”

Me: “I understand, but he’s still not allowed in.”

Customer: *angry* “That’s ridiculous! I’m his father, and I decide what he can see! He’s six.”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “He’s not five; he’s six. I forgot he had a birthday recently.”

Me: “The policy is that those six and under aren’t permitted. I’m sorry, sir, but no.”

(He comes inside. My co-assistant manager is next to me; I am also an assistant manager. My coworker has heard the whole conversation.)

Customer: “I want to talk to your manager now!”

Me: “I’m an assistant manager, and so is she.”

Customer: *to my coworker* “Why can’t my child see this movie?!”

Coworker: “As she has stated, the policy states that children under six can’t see R-rated movies. I’m sorry, but we don’t make the rules; we simply enforce them from corporate.”

Customer: *now yelling* “You guys are Nazis! You are just like the townspeople who did nothing when Nazis were burning bodies!”

Coworker: “I’m not listening to this.” *walks away*

Me: “Sir, please don’t call us Nazis.”

Customer: “That’s what you are! I want your names, and the corporate phone number! This is outrageous!”

Me: “No problem.” *hands him paper with all the info asked for* “Again, please don’t call us Nazis.”

(He left and never contacted corporate.)

It’s Going To Be One Of Those Afternoons…

, , , , | Right | March 24, 2018

(I work at a theater where all shows before five pm are matinees, so tickets are discounted. A woman walks up to the ticket counter at one pm.)

Customer: “I’d like a ticket to the 6:30 show of [New Movie].”

Me: “All right, that will be $9.00.”

Customer: “But I’m buying it before five; doesn’t that mean I get matinee price?”

Me: “No, I’m sorry. The discount price only applies to the showtimes before five; all shows after five are not matinees.”

Customer: “That’s ridiculous! I want the matinee price!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. We have a 4:00 showing that would be a matinee.”

Customer: “No! I should get the discount for the 6:30!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but that’s not how matinees work.”

Customer: “That’s ridiculous! Forget it!” *walks out*

Unfiltered Story #107782

, | Unfiltered | March 24, 2018

(My brother and I are watching a movie starring a recently passed comedian, about an absent minded scientist)

Brother: I’d rather kill myself to be that scatterbrained.

(Me starring back with a shocked look)

Brother: BAD CHOICE OF WORDS! SORRY!

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