Customer: “So, uh, on this tour, will I, uh, feed the… uh… tall things, and uh, the not as tall… things?”
Me: “You mean the giraffes… and rhinos?”
Customer: “Yes, that’s it! It’s like you’re reading my mind!”
This story is part of our Clueless Zoo Customers roundup!
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Read the Clueless Zoo Customers roundup!
Customer: “What is the difference between chai tea and Tai Chi?”
Me: *jokingly* “Well, one is a spiced black tea, and the other is a can of whoop-a**.”
Customer: “I think I’ll have the black tea.”
(A female customer has just left the store after receiving her order. She then returns, extremely agitated.)
Customer: “My phone is missing!”
Me: “Did you leave it in the store?”
Customer: “Of course not! I’m not stupid. It was in my car!”
Me: “I’m sorry, no one’s turned in a phone.”
(The customer then proceeds to search all over the not-exactly-large shop, including overturning the wastebasket in the restroom and questioning other patrons. Meanwhile, I take my rather expensive touch-screen phone to check the time.)
Customer: “Hey, that’s my phone!”
Me: “No, it’s not. It’s mine.”
Customer: “Don’t lie to me! People who work someplace like this can’t afford phones like that! Is that why you made my order take so long? So you could steal my phone?”
Me: “Are you saying while your coffee was being made, I snuck out the back door, ran around the building, found the one car in the parking lot that belonged to you, broke in, stole your phone, and got back in time to help the next customer in line?”
Customer: “So you admit it! I’m calling the police!”
This story is part of the Customers-Are-To-Blame roundup! This is the last story in the roundup, but we have plenty of others you might enjoy!
24 Satisfying Stories About Lying Customers Getting Caught
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Read the Customers-Are-To-Blame roundup!
(The customer has been hovering around my register for the past few minutes.)
Me: “Can I help you find something, sir?”
Customer: “Do these gift cards have expiration dates?”
Me: “Nope, they’ll last until you feel like spending them.”
Customer: “Oh. Uh, where can I find the restroom?”
(As soon as I turn around and point to the bathroom, he grabs a rack of gift cards and sprints for the door, trailing cards behind him.)
Me: *yelling after him* “Sir, those don’t have anything on them until you purchase them.”
(He stops at the door for a moment, then sheepishly returns and puts the rack back.)
Customer: “Why don’t you guys have a freaking sign out saying they’re empty?!”
This story is part of the Stupid Criminals roundup!
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Read the Stupid Criminals roundup!
(In the state of California in 2010, it is legal to sell water pipes, hookahs, bubblers, all ‘for tobacco use only.’ We also cannot sell anything if a customer even hints at using marijuana.)
Customer: *showing his ID* “Wow, you guys are strict, huh?”
Me: “We have to check the IDs of everyone who comes in here. It’s store policy.”
Customer: “You’re being careful, huh?”
Me: “I have to be, because the laws are so strict. It’s very delicate. If someone says just one wrong word, I have to ask them to leave the store.”
Customer: “So, how much is that bong there?”
Did you find this story from our No Smoking roundup?
