(I am standing in line and overhear this exchange between the current customer and the cashier.)

Cashier: “Your total is $6.66.”

(There is an awkward pause as they both kind of look around.)

Cashier: “Do you want to add on a candy bar?”

Customer: “No… I just won’t look at it.”

Cashier: “And just throw the receipt away?”

Customer: “Yep!”

Cashier: “Just don’t throw it away in here!”

Customer: “No, I will throw it away outside!”

(The transaction finished with a couple of laughs and smiles and the customer walked out the door with her purchase.)

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(My boyfriend takes me to meet his parents for the first time. We have been dating a while and live together.)

His Mother: *randomly* “Oh, [Boyfriend], what did you always say about dating a redhead?”

Boyfriend: “God, I’d NEVER EVER date one! They are so pale and covered in gross freckles!”

(His mother, father, younger brother, older brother, and older sister are staring at me, since I am a natural redhead, super pale, and covered in freckles.)

Me: “So, just like me?”

Boyfriend: “No, you aren’t a redhead. You’re blond!”

Me: “No, I am not blond. I have bright red hair.”

His Mother: “She’s definitely a redhead.”

Boyfriend: “No, it’s blond, almost a strawberry blond!”

(We’ve now been together for almost ten years and he even has a redhead daughter now, but don’t worry. At our first ultrasound, he asked the tech, “Please tell me she doesn’t have red hair!” Not sure that’s how that works.)

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(I am both a student teacher and a part-time private school teacher, so my days are pretty packed. I learn that in order to obtain my credential, I need to renew my CPR certification. I have been up since seven in the morning, worked until five thirty, and am now sitting in a CPR class that’s scheduled to end at ten o’clock at night, so I am very tired, and that, coupled with chronic sinus congestion, causes me to yawn admittedly quite a bit during instructions. However, I am still able to concentrate and follow directions, and no one seems to be bothered by it. I am sitting toward the back with one another person, who decides to speak to me while the final CPR exam is passed out.)

CPR Classmate: “Hey. You yawned seventy-three times.”

Me: “…”

CPR Classmate: “Seventy-three times.”

Me: “…”

CPR Classmate: “Seriously. I counted.”

(I know she’s exaggerating, but I can feel my face flush as I try to ignore her and focus on my exam. She seems to notice my change in mood.)

CPR Classmate: “I’m kidding!”

Me: “Okay, then…”

(Have to give her credit – her unwarranted and unnecessary ‘joke’ embarrassed me so much that I stifled every other yawn I had until we were dismissed!)

(We’ve been receiving a LOT of scam and spam calls on our landline, despite the number being on the Do Not Call list.)

Me: *picks up* “Hello?”

Caller: *has a very heavy Indian accent* “Miss? I am calling from the Internal Revenue Service about penalties on your—”

Me: *howls with laughter* “F*** you, I work for a tax firm. I know the IRS doesn’t cold call about penalties.” *hangs up*

(Almost as soon as I’ve hung up, the phone rings again. ID shows it’s coming from the same number.)

Caller: *attempting to sound intimidating* “Listen here, you will be in very much trouble with the IRS. This is not a joke—”

(I laugh even more loudly and obnoxiously than I did the first time and hang up on him again. Almost immediately, the phone starts to ring a third time from the same number. Fed up with this belligerent scammer, I grab my replica Legend of Zelda ocarina off my desk before I pick up the phone.)

Caller: “STOP HANGING UP ON ME, YOU STUPID B—”

(He stopped calling after I responded with a very loud and sustained blast of the most ear-piercingly high pitched shriek of a note the ocarina could produce straight into the phone speaker.)

(I have been seeing a girl for a few months and am starting to introduce her to some of my female friends. One weekend we decide to head up to wine country and visit one of said friends, with whom I had mostly spent swinging on playgrounds and drinking tea to catch up. Just before she shows up…)

Me: “Okay, I think you’ll like her. We used to swing together.”

Girlfriend: “…WHAT?!”

Me: “Swing together! Swings, actual swings… Oh, God.” *hiding my face in embarrassment and feeling the urge to run away*