Customer: “Oh, you have new pastries! They look great!”
Me: “Those are our new vegan baked goods. They’re also organic.”
Customer: “Ew! I never eat anything vegan!”
Me: “I doubt that. A lot of stuff is vegan. French fries are vegan.”
Customer: *looking mortified* “There’s no meat in French fries?!”
This story is part of the French Fry roundup!
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Read the French Fry roundup!
(I am checking out a customer buying an MP3 player.)
Customer: “Does this come charged?”
Me: “I don’t think so. Why?”
Customer: “Well, I want to listen to it on the way home.”
Me: “But there’s nothing on it.”
Customer: “There’s not? Where’s all the music, then?”
This story is part of our Musically Ignorant Customers roundup!
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Read the Musically Ignorant Customers roundup!
(A customer comes in to pick up the portraits of her daughter she ordered. I go through the order with her to verify everything is there.)
Customer: “What is this on my daughter’s face?!”
Me: “Well, it looks like her skin has a red mark below her eye.”
Customer: “No! She doesn’t! She looked perfect when we came in and I didn’t see this on the computer before. You did something to them!”
Me: “I’m sorry you’re unhappy, but the photographs are exactly as they appear on the ordering screen. Also, this mark is on her face in the same spot in every pose, so it couldn’t be a printing problem.”
Customer: “Well, no. You’re wrong. You did something to them. My daughter is perfect!”
This story is part of the Customers-Are-Bad-Photographers roundup!
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Read the Customers-Are-Bad-Photographers roundup!
(I notice a customer looking at the Passover cards, looking frustrated, so I go over to help her.)
Me: “Can I help you find anything, ma’am?”
Customer: “Yeah, I’m looking for Christian Passover cards.”
Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, we don’t carry any Christian Passover cards. Were you maybe looking for the Easter cards?”
Customer: “No, I need Passover cards for a Christian.”
Me: “I’m sorry, but Passover is a Jewish holiday. We don’t carry Christian Passover cards because Christians don’t celebrate it.”
Customer: “Jesus did!”
This story is part of the Easter roundup!
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Read the Easter roundup!
Customer: “Gimme one tall coffee.”
Me: “Okay. Would you like room for cream?”
Customer: “No, d*** it! I just want American coffee; no ice cream, mayonnaise, whipped cream, or any of that crap! Can’t I just buy a d*** cup of American coffee!?”
Me: “Sorry, sir. What flavor would you like today?”
Customer: “Sumatra.”
This story is part of our Ironic Customer roundup!
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Read the Ironic Customer roundup!
