(Our college has a small gym and locker room, with three shower stalls with curtains for privacy. In fact, the locker room has a lot of little options and ways to change privately, so you don’t have to walk around naked if you don’t want to. I’m more introverted and modest, and I greatly appreciate the privacy. My friend is much more comfortable with her body and is very extroverted and talkative, although she doesn’t walk around in her birthday suit everyday. She’s in the middle stall, with me humming quietly to myself to the right of her, and a frustrated-sounding woman to the left of her, grunting and sighing. Suddenly, the woman to the left of my friend stops her shower, wraps herself in a towel, and marches over to my friend’s stall, yanking the curtain back.)

Friend: “Hey!”

Woman: “Would you STOP the-” *pause* “Whoops, sorry. Wrong one.”

(I freeze, realizing that the woman is probably upset with my humming and thought my friend was doing it. I had already stopped when I heard the commotion, but she apparently still wants to give me a piece of her mind, because I hear her squeaking footsteps coming towards me! The woman is just about to reach my stall before my friend manages to slide out of her shower and stop her, blocking the woman’s way by spreading her arms and legs out like a barrier.)

Friend: “NO!”

Woman: *recoiling and almost shrieking* “Gaaaah! Put on a towel!”

Friend: “Well, hey! YOU were the one who wanted to see me without permission! I’m NOT letting you see my friend without theirs!”

Woman: “Ew, ew, ew!Ew, ew, ew, ew, ewwww!”

(I hear the woman squeak away, and chuckles from other women who are standing in line for the showers. I poke my head out and see my friend still standing in the way of my stall, dripping wet and completely nude.)

Me: “Um… thank you. I didn’t know how fast I could’ve grabbed my towel without slipping.”

Friend: *still standing there* “No problem.”

Me: “She freaked out more than I thought, though. Why was she so grossed out?”

Friend: “That… was an accident. When I slid in front of her, she had been reaching out to grab your curtain away, and well… she kind of grabbed my boob, instead.”

Me: “…”

Friend: “Just a light slap, on the left one. A gentle cup. It definitely wasn’t intentional on my end, and I completely doubt it was intentional on hers, but it happened. She kind of scratched it when she pulled away, but it doesn’t hurt-“

Me: “[Friend]?”

Friend: “Yeah?”

Me: “Your shower’s still on.”

Friend: “OH CRAP!”

(We finished up quickly and laughed about the experience afterwards. Thankfully, there weren’t that many other people in the line that we took shower-time away from, and they all forgave us anyway. We occasionally see that one woman, but she never makes eye-contact with us now. I don’t hum to myself anymore, though, just to prevent the situation from ever happening again!)

(I just moved into one of the freshmen dorms at my university. This dorm has a tiny kitchen on the ground floor off the main room, and I go there my first night to fill up my water filter. There’s a group of other residents already there, haphazardly baking cupcakes to celebrate moving in.)

Girl #1: “How much time until those pans are done?”

Guy #1: *checking the oven* “Um… a couple more minutes? Wait, oh man! We don’t have any oven mitts, do we?! Guys, how will we get the pans out?!”

Me: *watching him freak out* “Do you have kitchen towels?”

Guy #1: “Huh? Yeah, we have a couple.”

Me: “Just use those as mitts.”

Guy #1: “…wow. You’re right. Thanks!”

Girl #2: “Crap, we’re going to have so many cupcakes. We don’t have space to store all of them, do we?”

Girl #1: “I mean, there’s no way we’re eating them all tonight. Should we leave them in here?”

Me: “You could give them to your friends, or just hand them out around the dorm.”

Girl #2: “Oh, yeah, that would be nice! Let’s do that.”

Guy #2: “Uh, guys, look how much batter we still have. It’s going to take all night to make these.”

Guy #1: “Aw, geez, we made way too much… but we can’t just throw it all away. What do we do?”

Me: *now staring at them* “Are we allowed to put stuff in the fridge?”

Girl #2: “Yeah. I mean, I don’t see why not. It’s here, after all.”

Me: “So, why not cover the bowl and put it in the fridge for tonight? You can bake the rest tomorrow when you have more time.”

Guy #1: *looking at the fridge like I just revealed the secret to life* “Man, you’re so smart!”

Me: “…Thanks.”

(These are the students this university accepted. I am currently questioning my life choices.)

(I work as a technician, fixing video games, computers, and phones. A customer comes in with a laptop that needs its track-pad reconnected. He gives me the computer, but no power cord.)

Me: “Sir, do you have the power adapter for this?”

Customer: “Oh, sure.” *hands me a wireless mouse*

Me: “Not quite…”

(I’m the manager of a small copy center, which is part of a larger store. The store manager refuses to pay more than minimum wage for the work that needs doing in my department, and therefore, our only applicants for open positions are the sorts of people who have never used any of the print machinery before and are just in need of any old job they can get. We go through employees like crazy, because none of them can seem to learn everything that’s needed to work effectively in the department. Customers complain, important and high-dollar print orders are ruined, turn-around times or prices are botched, we’re left bending over backwards to make the problems right with the customers, and the new hires are let go. Rinse, and repeat. The most recent new hire takes the cake…)

Me: “Okay, [New Hire]. I need to go take my lunch break really quick. All I need you to do is take the packages out of THIS box, and put them into THIS cabinet.”

(Note that I have put the box beside the indicated cabinet, and I have showed her both the box and the cabinet she needs to put things into. It’s a super simple task, but having the new hire handle it will help her familiarize herself with how we handle delivered supplies, and where this particular product belongs in the shop. I ask the new hire if she’s okay if I leave for lunch. She says, “Yep!” and off I go to my lunch. Thirty minutes later, when I return, the box is still sitting where I left it, full.)

Me: “Uh, [New Hire], was the department busy while I was away?”

New Hire: “No.”

Me: “So… what happened to putting the packages into the cabinet?”

New Hire: “…I wasn’t sure what you wanted me to do.”

(After a couple more attempts at explaining, I actually had to take a ream of paper from the box, open the cabinet, and put it on the shelf before she grasped what I meant. And this gal was a high school graduate who had just started college!)

(I sell used auto parts online and I have a large selection of instrument clusters [the gauges behind the steering wheel]. I can’t get a mileage reading off newer model clusters because they are digital. Some customers don’t care. Some don’t want to buy without the mileage. And some, like this guy, doesn’t understand that we don’t know. This whole conversation takes place over the phone.)

Me: “Hello.”

Customer: “Yes, I see you have on your site an instrument cluster for [Car].”

Me: “Sure, how can I help you?”

Customer: “I’d like to know the mileage on that.”

Me: “I’m sorry; if the mileage isn’t listed, then we don’t know it unfortunately.”

Customer: “So, you don’t have the mileage off that?”

Me: “Is it listed there?”

Customer: “It says ‘mileage unknown.’”

Me: “Then, I’m sorry; we don’t know it.”

Customer: “Well, can you get it and call me back?”

Me: “We can’t get a reading on the digital clusters; we don’t have anywhere to connect them to get a mileage reading.”

Customer: “So, you don’t know the mileage on it.”

Me: “No, I’m sorry.”

Customer: “Well, I really need one with [amount of miles].”

Me: “We don’t know the mileage on this one unfortunately.”

Customer: “Well, do you have another one with [amount of miles]?”

Me: “I’m sorry; we can’t get the mileage off any of them as they’re digital.”

Customer: “So, you can’t get the mileage off this one and call me back later?”

Me: “No, we can’t know it.”

Customer: *long pause* “I really need to know the mileage before I buy this cluster.”

Me: “I’m sorry.”

Customer: “Well, all right then.” *click*

Me: *rubs eyes*