Not The Only Hollow Thing In The Store

, , , | Right | August 12, 2010

Customer: “Do you have any record players?”

Me: “We only have one model, but they’re all sold out right now.”

(She leaves and comes back five minutes later.)

Customer: “Ha! I found one! I knew you were lying to me!”

(She carries the very large and heavy display version of the turntable from a few aisles over.)

Me: “Uh, ma’am, I can’t sell you the display.”

Customer: “Why not?”

Me: “Well, for one thing, I can’t open the case around it. Second, the one in there is just hollowed-out plastic. It’s not a working player.”

Customer: “So, can I get it at a discount?”

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When Matter Doesn’t Matter

, , , , , , | Right | August 11, 2010

Customer: “Excuse me, do you have Gatorade?”

Me: “No, but we do have Powerade.”

Customer: “Does it have electrons in it?”

Me: “No, do you mean electrolytes?”

Customer: “No, electrons.”

Me: “I hope so.”

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A-Paul-ing Service

, , , , , | Right | August 11, 2010

(I am making drinks and I notice a small mocha for Paul. We have a regular customer named Paul who always orders a small mocha, but at that moment I couldn’t remember whether or not he liked it with whipped cream.)

Me: *calling out* “Paul? Did you want whipped cream on your mocha?”

Customer: *not a regular* “Yes, I wanted whipped cream.”

(I realize that this might be a drink for a different customer also named Paul. I add the whipped cream and hand it off with a smile.)

Me: “Here you go, a small mocha with whipped cream. Have a nice day, Paul.”

Customer: “I ordered a large.”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. Let me remake that for you.”

(I make a new drink, figuring that one of my co-workers might have grabbed the wrong size in the rush.)

Me: “Here’s your large mocha with whipped cream. Sorry for the mix-up, Paul.”

Customer: “I ordered a pumpkin spice latte.”

(I start my third attempt at making a drink for this customer.)

Customer: “…and my name isn’t Paul.”


This story is part of our Pumpkin Spice roundup!

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Wrong Kind Of TV Package

, , , , | Right | August 7, 2010

(A fairly regular customer, known for asking lots of questions about merchandise he has no intent of buying, wanders into the electronics department.)

Customer: “What’s this?”

Me: “It lets you browse the Internet on your TV instead of requiring a computer.”

Customer: *excited* “Really? Wow!”

Me: “Yep, and if you buy the optional keyboard, you can even use it for email.”

Customer: “Email? I’ve heard a lot about that. What is it, exactly?”

Me: “Well, it’s kind of like regular mail. You type up a letter and send it off, except it gets there instantly and there’s no postage.”

Customer: “Really? Wow! Does it do packages?”

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Deal With The Burning Issue First

, , , , | Right | August 6, 2010

(There is a small electrical fire in our backroom. I run out to the nearest placed fire extinguisher and I am literally running while pulling the pin out to put the fire out. A customer gets in my way.)

Customer: “I need you to help me find this brand of cat food.”

Me: “Ma’am, the back room is currently on fire and I am trying to get back there to put it out.”

Customer: “What?! You can’t take two minutes to help me find this cat food?”

Me: “Ma’am, unless you want this whole building to go up in flames I need to you move so I can get to the backroom.”

Customer: “I can’t believe you won’t help me! I am never shopping here again!”

Me: “I don’t care at this point. I need you to move.”

(I push her cart out of the way and make it in to the backroom to get the fire out before it causes any serious damage. I then come back out with the obviously used fire extinguisher.)

Customer: “Oh… you weren’t making that up?”

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