(I’ve decided to purchase some skincare products from a well-known retailer. I ask the woman at the counter to help me pick the best products for my skin type, and she has me sit in a chair while she demonstrates what products will be best for me.)

Worker: “And this is our under-eye cream. It’s great at reducing puffiness and dark circles.”

Me: “Oh, really? Well, I was only planning on getting the cleanser.”

Worker: “Are you sure? You have really dark circles under your eyes. I mean, they’re probably the worst I’ve ever seen. Let me show you how much better you’ll look with this cream.”

Me: “Sure, go ahead.”

(She proceeds to apply the cream, and then holds up a mirror for me to see.)

Worker: “See how much better you look?”

Me: “Not really. I don’t see a difference.”

Worker: “Well, trust me; you look a lot better. And you might think that it’s not a big deal, but those dark circles are going to be a big problem once you turn twenty-five.”

Me: “Twenty-five?”

Worker: “Yeah.”

Me: “Oh. Well, I’m thirty. So, I’ll just be getting the cleanser set.”

(I work at an animal shelter. We have several different buildings on our site, and different rooms for the cats to be in. Our frequent volunteers know some of the longer-term resident cats really well and notice when they are adopted or pass away.)

Volunteer: “I saw that [Cat #1] was adopted!”

Me: “No, she is right here.” *points to [Cat #1]*

Volunteer: “I mean [Cat #1] out in [Room #2].”

Me: “I don’t think we have a cat by that name in [Room #2].”

Volunteer: “With the squished face? She was moved to [Other Adoption Center].”

Me: “Oh, you mean [Cat #2]?”

Volunteer: “I call her [Cat #1].”

Me: “Okay, I was unaware of that.”

Volunteer: “Or sometimes Amanda because her eyes look like Amanda Bynes.”

Me: “…”

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(My parents and I have a rocky relationship, and they think that everything in my life is fine, when sometimes it clearly isn’t. They know I’ve had clinical depression for years and they have only recently taken action to help me, which apparently they see as some sort of achievement. This takes place while my mom is driving me to school one day.)

Mom: “You know, sometimes I’m glad you have depression!”

Me: *confused* “What? Why?”

Mom: “Well, having depression makes you fun and interesting! Raising a normal kid would be boring!”

(At this point we were at my school and I got out, obviously upset and angry. Several weeks after the fact, I still don’t know what prompted her to say this, but she still stands by her words. Here’s the real kicker though: she and my dad still think that my brother and I are going to be living with them for a very long time. My 21 year old brother is planning on letting me move out with him when I turn 18, and I can finally say goodbye to that toxic household.)

(I work in a big smoothie shop that is currently promoting fresh juices, so I have to ask every customer if they want to try one.)

Me: “Hi! Welcome to [Smoothie Shop]! Have you tried any of our fresh-squeezed juices?”

Customer: “No, but I’m in the mood for something healthy. What’s the healthiest juice you have?”

Me: “The [Juice] has all-organic juice with a whole serving of [Vegetable Supplement], and you can’t taste the veggies at all.”

(I hand him a sample.)

Customer: “This is really good, but I think I will just get a [Smoothie containing pure chocolate and ice cream].”

(This takes place when laptops weigh at least 10 pounds and are rather expensive. My parents pull together the money to buy me one for my high school homework. It is a big deal. We also have three cats. One cat is very young and loves all things plastic. She’s also a cord-biter. It was so bad she once bit though the cord of my sister’s alarm clock and took the electrical shock. She was fine, the clock died with a loud pop, and the cat learned nothing. I’m working on my bed with the a/c adapter cord plugged in so I don’t lose power. Because of the cat, I have buried the cord under pillows and run it to an outlet I rarely use as it is mostly covered by the bed. All is fine until the laptop suddenly dulls in brightness and the battery icon turns on. Confused, I check and the cord is still plugged into the laptop. Following it to the wall I discover the cat found it. Somehow, without my noticing it, she has dug out the cord and gnawed on it. The laptop is under warranty, but I doubt they cover kitten bites. I shut down the computer and tell my parents. They take it well and advise me to call in to see how much a replacement will cost.)

Rep: “What seems to be the damage to the laptop?”

Me: “A kitten bit the cord.”

Rep: *pause* “Your cord suffered damage?”

Me: *picking up on her tone* “Yes.”

Rep: “Okay. As you are under warranty, we will be shipping you a new cord, free of charge. Please destroy the old cord.”

(I told my parents about it and they were happy. The $80 it would have cost to replace the cord would have been a stretch for us at the time. Thank you, awesome rep!)