Putting The Spa In Spay

, , , , | Right | April 20, 2010

(A customer brings in his dog for a spay.)

Customer: “While she’s out, can you trim her nails? They’re getting real long.”

Me: “Of course, sir. We give all patients under anesthesia a complimentary nail trim.”

Customer: “Oh, you do? Would you give me a free pedicure, too?”

Me: “Uhm…”

Customer: “How about a massage?”


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Matchless Yet Priceless

, , , , | Right | April 8, 2010

Me: “Okay, that will be $230.11.”

Customer: “I’ll give you $75 for it.”

Me: “Sir?”

Customer: “$110.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. Our prices are set.”

Customer: “Okay. $159.”

Me: “I am really sorry. I can’t bring it down from $230.11. If you’d like, I can help you pick out something within your price range?”

Customer: “Fine. Throw in that and I’ll get out of your hair.” (Points to a $100 handheld massager.)

Me: “I can’t do that. I’m sorry.”

Customer: “So much for price match! F*** this!” *leaves*

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A Revelatory Thought

, , , , , | Right | April 7, 2010

Customer: “Excuse me, I have an important question.”

Me: “Sure, what can I help you with?”

Customer: “You know a lot about the Bible, right?”

Me: “Well, not everything entirely.”

Customer: “Okay. Can you tell me what part of the Bible does Narnia come in?”

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(No Way) Back To The Future

, , , | Right | April 5, 2010

(An oddly-dressed man approaches my concessions stand, looking a bit worried.)

Me: “Hi there, how may I help you?”

Customer: “What time is it?”

Me: “About a quarter to 11.”

Customer: “But what time EXACTLY is it?”

Me: “Ah… it’s exactly 10:47, sir.”

Customer: “AM or PM?”

Me: “Um, AM.”

Customer: “Thank you! And what day is it?”

Me: “It’s Tuesday, sir.”

Customer: “No, no! What is the day of the month?”

Me: “It’s July 14th.”

Customer: “Thank you. What is the year?”

Me: “Um, 2009.”

Customer: “10:47 am on July 14th, 2009? Oh, no, I’m late!”

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Howard Hughes Goes Shopping, Part 2

, , , , | Right | April 4, 2010

Me: “Hi, can I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, I want to know if these clothes will fit.”

Me: “Sure, our fitting room is right over there.”

Customer: “No, I don’t want to try them on. I want to know if they will fit.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but unless you try them on, I can’t say if they will fit or not.”

Customer: “I do not try on clothes in-store because they have other people’s cells in them. I do not want to touch other people’s cells. My neighbor had diseases and I burned his house down, and the guy at the 7-11 is sick so I don’t go in there no more!”


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