(This is a story that is related to me, as I have no memory of it. I have to get up for work at 3:00 am and, because of that, I go to bed a lot earlier than my boyfriend. He comes to bed at his normal time and cuddles me. I take his hand and kiss his palm and then down his wrist. He takes this to mean I’m interested in doing more than just sleeping and starts to kiss my neck. I then kick him hard in the shin and wrap all of the blankets around me.)

Boyfriend: “Jesus! You didn’t have to kick me!”

Me: “I love you more when you’re sleeping!” *I then take his pillow and cuddle it and won’t give it back*

(I woke up to find him not in bed. I was indeed cuddling his pillow. When I went looking for him, I found him sleeping on the couch. Seven years later, we still lovingly tell each other, “I love you more when you’re sleeping.”)

(A customer calls in an order for multiples coffees, nothing unusual. When she gets here, I ring up her order and package any additional pastries she wants. As we are going over the list, she suddenly asks me:)

Customer: “Hey, do you know anyone looking for full-time employment?”

Me: “Um, I’m not sure. Sorry.”

Customer: “The last three people we set interviews with didn’t show, so we’re looking for new people. Can I give you my number?”

(I make a noncommittal comment about how cruddy it is that people don’t show up. We finish the transaction, and she begins to leave, before turning around.)

Customer: “Here. Take my name and number. We’re hiring. Put it on Facebook, or something, and let people know.”

(Not only did she never once tell me WHERE she worked, but she was asking me to help poach employees from the company I currently worked at. Wow.)

(At the store where I cashier, we put the items that people purchase in plastic bags, which are visible behind the counter. This conversation happens everyday.)

Me: *ringing up a small item for a customer* “Will you need a bag for that?”

Customer: “No, that’s okay. Save some trees, right?”

(I work at the Student Services department at a college. My office processes scholarships, grants, and loans for students. The general timeline given to new applicants is 12 weeks for processing after submitting the official application, and we hold workshops regularly so students are fully informed before requesting a federal loan. This happens the morning after a workshop was presented the previous night, after business hours.)

Student: *who has been waiting in line since we opened the office* “Here’s my ID. I need to check on the status of my loan.”

Coworker #1: “Let me check on the notes, since I see you submitted an application two weeks ago, but nothing shows that you have submitted a loan request in the system.”

Student: “I already know both are separate processes, but I was told you guys would expedite my loan request.”

Coworker #1: *looking confused, since we do not expedite loans, generally* “I see… Well, maybe it was not properly logged into the system and one of our specialists has the actual loan request on their desk. When did you say you submitted the documents?”

Student: “A long time ago! Does it not show that it will be expedited in the system? I need the money today, so I need to know when the funds will hit my bank account.”

Coworker #1: “Oh, I am sorry to tell you this, but you must have misunderstood. Expediting a loan request would be prioritizing it and reducing its processing time, but you would still be scheduled for the very first authorized disbursement, which is not until four weeks from now, in February.”

Student: *audibly and visibly upset* “That’s not what I was told at the workshop! I was told my request would be expedited!”

Coworker #1: *who has led workshops in the past and knows current procedures* “You must have been misinformed; we apologize. There are many factors that have to be verified before the loan is approved, such as enrollment units. But I will find your request and confirm whether someone is working on it and has any updates for you.”

Student: “Yes, and I would also like to speak with your boss.”

([Coworker #1] then leaves to check on every coworker’s desk, looking for the student’s file. [Coworker #2], who happened to lead the loan workshop the previous night, walks into the office and asks what is going on. Both coworkers then realize that this student just attended the required workshop last night; therefore, his loan request could not have been logged in or reviewed by today.)

Coworker #1: “Thanks for waiting. I found your request on our pending files, and that is why it had not been logged into the system. You turned it in last night, after business hours, when our system was already turned off. I thought you said you had submitted it long ago?”

Student: “Long ago, a while ago… I submitted my documents yesterday after the workshop and I was told they’d be expedited.”

Coworker #1: “So… your documents were submitted yesterday night. It’s been about twelve hours since then, and we just turned our computers on again this morning half an hour ago. I am sorry, but there has not been enough time for us to even log your documents into the system, much less review them and process them.”

Student: *audibly upset again* “I thought I’d be getting my funds by this Friday!”

Coworker #1: “If approved, we can expedite your request, but it would still be scheduled for February. How many units are you enrolled in?”

Student: “I haven’t enrolled in all the classes I want yet. So, how do I know when my loan request will be ready, then?”

Coworker #1: *frustrated* “One of our specialists will call you to give you an update as soon as your request is fully reviewed. But you have to be enrolled in at least six units.

Student: “Six units? You guys make it hard to get money! I will be contacting your boss and the Department of Education.”

(The student left in a hurry before our director was called to the front. Later that day, we confirmed what we suspected: no one had told the student his request would be expedited. Even so, how can a college student that has just attended a comprehensive workshop assume a federal loan will be manually processed overnight and be ready the very next morning?)

(I am looking for a second backpack to take with me on a particularly long hiking trip I have planned with my significant other. Usually we just take one pack between the two of us, since we only do day hikes, but we figure we’ll need extra water and supplies in this case. We’re not having much luck finding a backpack we actually like, so I go to talk to an employee working in that section. It’s worth noting that I’m a young, fairly dainty-looking woman, and the employee is an older man.)

Me: *holding a sturdy but light, well-ventilated backpack with several pockets and a very large hip strap* “Hi, I’m looking for something a bit like this: a pack that’s fairly structured, and the back should be cooler, and—”

Employee: *interrupting* “—what do you mean cooler? Cooler how?”

(He gives me a strange look. I’m not sure whether he thinks he’s being funny or literally doesn’t understand.)

Me: *smiles and chuckles uncomfortably* “Temperature cooler, because the back is ventilated. And one that’s fairly light and—”

Employee: *interrupting again, in a very condescending tone* “Well, then, it looks like you’ve got one right there!”

Me: *starting to get annoyed* “Right, but I want one without the big hip strap. It just gets in the way, and it isn’t necessary on a pack this small.”

Employee: *again in the condescending tone* “Well, we have a few without straps, for carrying books and such, for school.”

Me: “No, I want it for hiking. The ones for books tend to be too heavy to carry all day. How about a hiking backpack?”

Employee: “Well, there’s this over here; the hip straps are so small you don’t even notice them and could cut them right off!”

(He picks up a backpack made of cheap, flimsy material that feels like plastic and could obviously tear easily.)

Me: “No, that’s really flimsy. I said I wanted one with a little more structure and—”

Employee: *wanders away muttering*

(I ended up finding one I liked on my own, but decided to order it online instead; this is one local business I feel NO need to support!)