Immeasurable Confusion

, , , , , | Right | February 5, 2010

Me: “Hi, [Pizza Place].”

Customer: “Hi, it says you have a nine-inch small pizza. How big is that?”

Me: “Nine inches; six slices.”

Customer: “But how big is it?”

Me: “The diameter of the pizza is approximately nine inches. There are six slices.”

Customer: “Like, okay, but you already told me that. How big is it?”

Me: “I’m not sure what other metric to use. The pie is slightly smaller across than a third of a meter.”

Customer: *brief pause* “Okay, what size is the medium?”

Me: “Twelve inches; six slices.”

Customer: *another brief pause* “The small has six, too. So, they’re the same size?!”


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Welcome To B.C. Bookstores

, , , , , , , , | Right | January 25, 2010

(I’m ringing up a young couple for a video game. The girlfriend asks about the game and the boyfriend describes it to her.)

Boyfriend: “[In the game] you’re one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.”

Girlfriend: “Which one?”

Boyfriend: “War.”

Girlfriend: “Who are the others?”

Boyfriend: “Famine, Pestilence, and Plague.”

Girlfriend: “Who makes this s*** up?!”


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Soldiering Through Bad Customers

, , , , , , | Right | November 11, 2009

(I used to work full-time at a large retail clothing store. I am now in the military and when I take leave, I come back and often work a few days during a week.  A man and wife come up to the register.)

Me: “How’s your day going? Did anyone help you find everything?”

(I always ask because I don’t really have a quota I need to meet.)

Husband: “Oh, it’s going. No one helped, but we found everything easily.”

Me: “Sorry about that. Glad you found everything, though.”

Wife: “Do you make commission?”

Me: “Nope! But most of the employees have sales quotas they have to meet.”

Wife: “You don’t?”

Me: “No, I’m part-time. I actually have other goals in mind.”

(The husband half-laughs at this point and looks right at me.)

Husband: “Oh, do you actually have high dreams for yourself?”

(His wife chuckles, so I straighten up, stop scanning things, pull out my secondary wallet carrying my military ID, with “specialist” listed as the rank and my military police badge and slam it on the table.)

Me: “Actually, I’m in the Army. I am here on leave and I can’t stand to just sit around. My family is working, so a few days each time I’m back I come here to work. I have been on details I’m not allowed to discuss and you will never learn about from the news.”

(The husband literally looks straight down and slinks a little.)

Me: “Not to mention that while I’m doing this, I’m about a year and half into my bachelor of science in criminology. But, hey…” *goes back to scanning his items and putting away my wallet* “…it must be extremely nice for someone like you to enjoy being here so casually thanks to people like me.”

(During the rest of the time I scan the items, neither person says a word.)

Me: “That will be [price]. We can do any credit card or cash.”

(The husband says nothing and simply hands me his card politely.)

Me: “All right, here you go! Continue to enjoy the rest of your day!”

Husband: *in a hushed voice* “Thank you…”

Me: “You’re WELCOME. For everything.”

(I continue with the polite tone and smiling, and then call up the next customer.)

Next Customer: “THANK YOU!”

(The customer shook my hand and we talked about his time in the Marines during Vietnam. I made sure to give him the 10% military discount.)


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Once A Marine, Always A Marine

, , , , , , | Friendly | November 11, 2009

(I am a bookseller working toward a teaching credential. While I am not exactly poor, my pay is not stellar, and it is occasionally a stretch for me to manage loans and bills. While walking home from work, I see a middle-aged man asking for money on the corner. He appears to be a veteran. I scrounge around in my purse for change and only find a penny, but I walk up to him, anyway.)

Me: “Hey. I’m one of those jerks who doesn’t carry a lot of cash. So, this is all I have. I hope it helps.”

(I press the penny into the palm of the veteran’s hand. He looks at me. When he speaks, I can tell that he’s not all there, but he sounds genuine.)

Veteran: “You know what? If that’s all you have, then take this.”

(To my amazement, he presses a one-dollar bill into my palm. I shake my head and try to give it back to him.)

Me: “No. You need it more than I do.”

Veteran: “You know what? Take it. I was in the Marines. And my job was to protect this country. And help poor people.”

(Overcome with emotion, I impulsively salute at the veteran. He immediately snaps into a military salute in response. I thank him and start walking again, and he calls after me.)

Veteran: “Hey! Don’t you be spending that on alcohol, now!”

Me: “I won’t, sir!”

(True to my word, I converted the dollar into quarters for laundry, which I desperately needed to do. It really goes to show how some people, even in their greatest hours of need, will still go out of their way to help others out. Wherever you are now, sir, thank you – and to everyone else, please remember to support your troops, since many of them, after the fight, will need all the love they can get.)


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He’ll Be In The Afterlife After The Birth

, , , , | Healthy | October 31, 2009

(It is Halloween. The hospital staff have put up decorations, but they’re minimal. I’m trying to wheel a patient who is in labor to the room she was assigned, along with her husband.)

Patient’s Husband: “We should put her in the room with the witch hanging over the door.”

Me: “I’m sorry. That room’s actually a different size. I’m supposed to take you to room 79.”

Patient’s Husband: “But that room has a ghost. She wants a witch.”

Me: “The only room we have with that decoration is half the size of this one, and doesn’t have all the same equipment in it. This is the room you paid for.”

Patient’s Husband: “It has to be a witch. She’s been real nasty all week.”

(As she hears her husband say this, the wife is looking less and less pleased. She is a week overdue, and has been in for false labor pains the past two weeks.)

Me: “That’s interesting, but there aren’t any decorations inside the room anyway. What is inside this room is a much wider space for the doctor and nurses to provide her with better care.”

Patient’s Husband: “She wants a witch, so put her in the room with the witch.”

(Finally, the patient has had enough and speaks up.)

Patient: “Shut up. I want to get this kid out in whatever room the people who know what they’re doing think is best, you dumb troll!”

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