I’m the idiot customer here. This was back when online banking was new and I still got paper statements in the mail monthly.

I’ve always been taught to reconcile bank statements with paper receipts to ensure that everything is correct. As I am going through the months receipts I discover that desposit is not on the statement. Concerned I bring the statement and the receipt to the bank. I show the statement and receipt and the banker starts looking into the matter.

“Oh,” the banker points to the date.

The date was for over one year ago! Somehow I never pulled that receipt when I cleaned out the old year.

Never felt so stupid in my life. I don’t I could have apologized enough. At least he was nice about saying it was a good thing to always review statements.

I now know why people ask if you want cheese on your cheeseburger when you
ask for only ketchup.

Customer: Excuse me, I want to make a complaint.

Me: What can I help you with, sir?

Customer: Every time I order from this location you guys f*** it up! I don’t
get it, is this store just full of morons? I asked for this pizza with
cheese only! What does this look like? (hands his pizza over)

Me: I don’t see anything but cheese sir, what else is on there?

Second customer: I think he means that there.

(I look closer but still don’t see anything. Meanwhile the customer is
getting more and more irate and mean while I’m trying to figure out what is
going on.)

Me: Sir, do you mean the sauce?

Customer: What do you think I mean when I say ONLY CHEESE! I cannot believe
how stupid you all are here. ONLY CHEESE, ONLY CHEESE! Just give me my money
back, I’m never coming here again.

(With relief I give him his money back, trying to ignore anything he is
saying from now on since his issue is basically solved to what he has
requested at this point.)

(As soon as he walks out the door I hear my co-worker say): I wish you could
talk back to customers they way they talk to us sometimes.

(Yeah, me too.)

I took my teenage son on a tour of several colleges out of state. On a day when we had two tours scheduled, our rental car got a flat, so we had to have it towed and get another car. We missed one tour but made it to the second one, after a three-hour drive. Tired, grumpy, and discombobulated, I found the parking lot and managed to use the self-pay to pay for our parking before walking over to the visitor center.

Only when I went to buy my son a T-shirt did I realize that my credit card was missing. I had left it in the parking machine. Convinced that it would be stolen and used to buy thousands of dollars of stuff, I ran back to where we had parked. What did I find but another teenager there for the same tour, on her phone. She had found my card, Googled my name, found my office phone number, and was calling me to tell me she found my card. She was delighted that she got to give it back, and I was delighted that I didn’t have to cancel the card. I was even more delighted when I checked my voicemail later to find such an earnest and polite message telling me she that had found my card and would do her best to get it back to me.

Teenagers are the hope for the future, and I’m not being sarcastic. I hope she gets accepted.

(I am a pseudo-bouncer at a restaurant and I have to check IDs at the door to ensure people are of drinking age after curfew. We have one guy who comes in every day of the week to drink and every day I am there he will come to me. I see thousands of people a day and I have a bad memory for faces and names.)

Me: “Hey, what’s up? Before you go upstairs, may I see your ID?”

Customer: “No, you see it every day.”

Me: “But… I can’t let you in without seeing it.”

Customer: *angrily pulls out his wallet and allows me to see his ID* “There. Happy?”

Me: “You’re good. Have a great night!”

Customer: “Listen, just f****** remember me next time.”

(He later got kicked out and banned for being too drunk and disorderly, but every time I see him, I remember him, so I guess it all worked out.)

(I am working at the concessions stand for a small theater company, during their summer outdoor show. We are currently located in a park, right next to a dry fake river. I see a small child run by holding his crotch. I think nothing of it, and head off to put away some boxes. When I come back, though, I see his dad quickly pulling the kid’s pants up. They give me guilty looks and walk away. I look down. On the concrete riverbank is a very obvious ‘water’ stain. I run over to my coworkers.)

ME: Hey, uh, you guys? I think that kid just peed over there…
COWORKERS #1&2: WHAT!?!?