For A Few Dollars More, Part 6

, , , , , | Right | CREDIT: HenriquesDumbCousin | March 14, 2021

I work for a car rental company as a specialist. Basically, when a customer demands a supervisor, I take the call.

Before transferring me to the customer, the agent who received the call explains to me the situation: the customer wants to make a one-day reservation for both pickup and dropoff at the airport.

When booking a reservation, you have two options: pay at the counter or pay in advance. If you pay in advance, you get a better rate. The customer is requesting a supervisor because she wants to pay at the counter but get the prepaid rate.

Customer: “They told me that if I pay in advance the rate will be $38 and if I pay at the counter it’ll be $41, but I never pay in advance. Can you do something about it?”

Me: “I do apologize for the inconvenience, ma’am, but it’s not possible to give you the prepay rate if you don’t pay in advance.”

Customer: “Don’t you have a discount or a coupon?”

Me: “No, ma’am, I don’t have any coupons available and I don’t see any specials right now.”

Customer: “What’s the base rate you have?”

Me: “$23.99.”

Customer: “Why is that? I’m on your website and it shows $22.”

Me: “It is possible that the website has its own special right now. I know it’s weird, but even though we’re the same company, sometimes the website has better rates than my department.”

Customer: “What about that wholesale food company? I have a membership. Don’t you guys offer a discount for that?”

Oh, God… she’s a member of [Company]. I’ve had some really bad experiences with them.

Me: “Yes, we do have a partnership with them.”

Customer: “How can I apply the discount? I don’t see any options on the website.”

Me: “I’d strongly recommend you go to their website.”

Customer: “Why would I need to do that? Why can’t I do it on your website?”

Guessing that I won’t get rid of her anytime soon, I figure I might as well just make her a reservation and move on, even though I am technically not meant to bypass the partnership stage like this.

Me: “That’s okay. I’ll add the discount myself. Can you please provide me your membership number?”

She provides me her membership number.

Me: “Very well. With unlimited miles, taxes and fees included, and your discount, it will be $38.”

Customer: “Pay at the counter?”

Me: “Pay at the counter.”

I’ll admit, that feels wholesome. I ask her for basic information like her email and phone number, we even laugh at one point, and then…

Customer: “And this is for a Ford Fusion car, right?”

God d*** it.

Me: “No, ma’am, this is for an intermediate-size vehicle like a Corolla or Chevy Cruze.”

Customer: “What? No, I told the agent that I wanted a full-size car like a Ford Fusion.”

I check to see the rate for a full-size car, and much to my dismay…

Me: “A full-size vehicle would be $42.”

Customer: “Don’t you have, like, an upgrade coupon?”

I check, but I can’t find an upgrade coupon – not that it would help; if I attached that type of coupon, she would get a standard-size vehicle anyway, not a full-size.

Me: “I’m truly sorry, ma’am, but this is the best rate I can offer. Should I proceed with the reservation?”

Customer: “Pffft… No. So you’re willing to lose a customer just for three dollars?”

Me: “I can’t go any lower, sorry.”

Customer: “Guess I’ll have to go with another company; I won’t rent from you guys anymore.”

Me: “So be it. I am sorry to hear that.”

Customer: “Wait… did you just say, ‘So be it.’?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

Customer: “Tcht, such great customer service you have.”

I can hear her talking to someone in the background:

Customer: “Can you believe this? He just told me, ‘So be it.'”

Click.

Nearly ten minutes trying to assist her just for her to tell me, “Are you willing to lose a customer just for three dollars?” Don’t like the rate? Feel free to shop around. Such a novel concept.

Related:
For A Few Dollars More, Part 5
For A Few Dollars More, Part 4
For A Few Dollars More, Part 3
For A Few Dollars More, Part 2
For A Few Dollars More

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This Is Letterheading Nowhere

, , , , | Right | March 10, 2021

I work in the mailroom of a law office. As such, I cover for the receptionist when they take their lunch. A call comes through.

Me: “[Law Firm].”

Caller: “You have letterhead and I need to know what the nine digits at the bottom are.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but I’m not sure I understand. Is this about a case?”

Caller: “That’s irrelevant. We received correspondence from you and there are a set of nine numbers at the bottom. Just tell me what the numbers at the bottom are.”

I’m pretty sure they are connected to the document tracking system, but I’m not certain as I’m not the file clerk, I don’t read the documents I process because it’s not my business, and I would like to get some more information.

Me: “Sir, I do not have an example of what you’re referring to. Can you tell me what case this is in reference to and the att—”

Caller: “That doesn’t matter! There are nine numbers at the bottom, and I want to know what they are. Surely you know. You’re an attorney.”

Me: “No, sir, I am not an attorney. You have reached the front desk. If you—”

Caller: “You’re not an attorney?”

Me: “No, sir. If you—”

Caller: “But surely you handle the mail. What are these numbers? Take a look at one of the items and tell me what they are.”

Ha… yeah, I actually work in the mailroom, but he doesn’t know that.

Me: “Sir, the mail does not come through the front desk. If you—”

Caller: “Get me an attorney.”

Me: “If you could tell me who—”

Caller: “I need to know what these numbers are!”

Me: “Sir, please. If we sent this item to you, then who was it from so I can—”

I was going to say, “…connect you to that attorney,” but he won’t let me finish the sentence.

Caller: “Connect me to an attorney!”

Me: “Without knowing what this is in regards—”

Caller: “Connect me to corporate! I can’t believe this!”

Me: “Certainly, sir. Their number is [number].”

I could have transferred them to the main office, but I let him dial his own phone. Did he expect there to be idle attorneys just sitting around waiting for someone to call so they could answer their legal questions? I’m not randomly choosing one to interrupt, especially with his attitude.

All he had to do was tell me the attorney listed on the document and I would have been happy to connect him to their legal secretary to give a definitive answer.

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Aww, Mommy’s First Scammer

, , , , | Right | March 5, 2021

I’m at the end of my first pregnancy when my water breaks. I page the midwives and wait for whichever one of them is on call to phone me from her personal cell, with caller ID disabled. The phone rings.

Me: “Hello?”

Caller: “I bought your liquid hand soap and it broke.”

I have a small soap business. I only ever sold eight glass bottles of hand soap; six were to a small store across the country and none were in the last two years. The product is still on my website, along with my phone number.

Me: “I’m sorry, what?”

Caller: “I got it home and opened up the box which made it break and I cut myself. What are you going to do about it?”

I’ve never used box packaging for this product, and her story makes zero logical sense.

Me: “Look, I’m in labor and I only answered the phone because I thought you might be the midwife. Can you call me back in a couple of weeks?”

Caller: “No! You have to take care of this right now.”

Me: “Well, I can’t, I’m in labor and going to have a baby.”

Caller: “I’m having a baby tomorrow.”

This seems unlikely, but remember, I’m not in the best frame of mind, so I answer sincerely.

Me: “Congratulations!”

Caller: “I had to get stitches when the glass cut me and you have to do something.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I can’t do anything right now. I have to go. Call back next month.”

I hang up, and a couple of minutes later, she calls back. I hand the phone to my husband who puts it on speaker.

Caller: “That was really rude. I’m a customer and you have to deal with this.”

My husband tries to explain that this isn’t a good time, to no avail.

Me: *Whispering* “Ask her where she bought it from.”

Caller: “I cut myself really badly. What are you going to do for me?”

Me: *Whisperin.* “Ask her to look on the container and tell you the lot number.”

I don’t use lot numbers, but at least subconsciously I know this woman doesn’t have an actual bottle on her.

Husband: “What is the lot number on the bottle?”

Caller: *Hangs up*

Thankfully, the next call was from the midwife and the scammer lady never did call back.

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Bet You Dollars To Donuts They Won’t Eat Them All

, , , , | Right | March 4, 2021

I’m on vacation with my aunt and two cousins. They are about seven and eight and I’m about sixteen. My aunt is helping my younger cousin get ready, so she asks me to take my other cousin down to the lobby to help her get breakfast.

It’s a basic hotel breakfast: donuts, cereal, yogurt, and stuff like that. I give my cousin a plate and she immediately goes for a donut that’s on a tray. She reaches for one when the tray gets pulled away by a woman standing nearby. 

Woman: *Snarling* “Those are for my kids.”

I then realize she’s taken almost all the donuts and put them on a tray. It has to be at least fifteen donuts. There’s no one else in the lobby and she’s taken all these donuts to take upstairs to her room.

Me: *Deadpan* “Sorry she thought that big tray of donuts was for everyone.”

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Please Exit Panic Mode

, , , | Right | March 3, 2021

I work as a janitor in a medium-sized amusement park. During the winter season, we have a nighttime light show that projects on the outside of the nearby trees and buildings and attracts hundreds of guests that sit on benches or stand in the street during the show.

One night, after the show is over, I start cleaning up while answering guest questions. As I’m helping a guest locate the ADA shuttle to the entrance, I’m quickly interrupted by a man in his late sixties.

Old Man: “Excuse me. Is there a supervisor I can speak to?”

Sensing the urgency in his voice, I ask my guest to hold on a moment while pulling out my radio.

Me: “Absolutely. Do you know what department you’d like to contact?”

Old Man: “Security. Calling them isn’t necessary. I just wanted to say that I am appalled that there was no announcement before the show where any emergency exits were.”

It needs to be mentioned that we are outside, there are three very wide streets that all lead away from this location, AND there are dozens of staff members at every exit point all trained in emergency procedures, so even in a panic, there would be little issue escaping in an emergency.

Me: “I understand your concern, but every path here is actually a safe exit route. I can have a security officer come speak—”

Old Man: *Interrupting* “There has to be an announcement before any and every show that warns people what to do if a disaster happens!”

I try to think of ONE amusement park I’ve been to that made an announcement like this before a show. None come to mind.

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. If you’d like to contact security or the guest services department to leave a comment, maybe they will include an announcement in the future.”

The man is becoming increasingly agitated.

Old Man: “No, no, no, you don’t understand. This is my line of business—”

He pulls out his wallet to flash his security badge for some other company.

Old Man: “—and I was never told where to go in case of an emergency! You saw all these people standing here. Don’t you remember Las Vegas?!”

He then gestures to all the high places around us and looks at me expectantly. Frustrated, not sure exactly what he expects me to do about this, I drop my cheery tone but maintain a smile.

Me: “Sir. I am a janitor. There is absolutely nothing I can do for you. If you want to give your concerns to guest services, they are located at the main entrance.”

He realized I wouldn’t give in to his alarmism, so he huffed and shuffled away. After finally helping my waiting guest, I radioed the attendants in the office to give them notice in case he wanted to complain. 

While I understand the general concern that is now omnipresent in the United States, scaring people won’t prevent tragedies. And even if you agree that guests should be warned of obvious escape routes before congregating anywhere, expecting a janitor to have any power over the situation is asinine.

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