Their Time-Keeping Is Unhealthy

, , , , , | Right | January 9, 2019

(I work in an office that closes at five. The last patient of the day is a ninety-eight-year-old lady. Her appointment is at 4:15, though she should be in fifteen minutes early to fill out papers as she’s a new patient. There’s no sign of her by 4:25, and we’re about to start closing up shop when our phone operator comes over with the patient’s daughter on the line.)

Operator: “She says they’re stuck in heavy traffic and wants to know if you’ll still see them if they can get here in ten minutes.”

Doctor: “Well… it’s probably not easy to get her mom out of the house, so… if they can make it by 4:35, sure.”

(Five minutes pass and the operator comes back again.)

Operator: “She says it’s going to be more like 4:40.”

Doctor: “Yeah… she should probably reschedule, then. I just want to give her the full amount of time for her appointment, and we have staff that leaves at five.”

(Our operator relays the message to the patient’s daughter, who does not take it well. She is furious that the doctor asked her to reschedule even after she “gave the courtesy of calling” and repeatedly calls him “incompetent” and other names. She ends her tantrum by stating that she will find another doctor for her mother.)

Me: *to doctor* “Boy, I sure am sorry we let that one get away.”

Doctor: “Yep. Oh, darn.”

File This One Under “Extra Stupid”

, , , , | Right | January 7, 2019

(I work tech support for a software company that provides digital signing services. We often send customer’s documents to their email addresses, as they often accidentally delete or lose the documents. My coworker recently got off the phone with someone and they sounded upset. A moment later, the phone rings again, and I take the call.)

Customer: “Hi. I need you to send me this document again. [Coworker] sent it to me, and it’s all wrong. Send it again, please.”

(I look into the customer’s account, find the document, and check it over. It looks completely normal to me, so I send it to her email again.)

Customer:No! This is all wrong. I just want the document, not all this other stuff!”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m not sure I’m following. What do you mean by ‘other stuff’?”


Me: “Ma’am, I only sent you the one document; are you referring to the buttons around the sides of the document, with options for what to do with it?”

Customer: “Yes! I don’t want all these buttons; I only want the document.”

Me: “I apologize, ma’am, but that is completely normal. Your computer has to use a program to open the document. It sounds like you are using [Very Common PDF Viewing Program]. Those buttons are standard. I cannot remove them.”

Customer: “It never did that before! I don’t want my client to be able to edit the document.”

(This went on for a while, and eventually she got the drift. She was pretty nice, just extremely confused.)

Can’t Af-Ford Another Call

, , , | Right | January 6, 2019

(I am a designer working on a Saturday. No other office staff are working, so on occasion, the phone will ring and I go ahead and answer it. We have the good fortune to have a phone number that is the same as the local Ford dealer with one difference… when you punch in “F-zero-R-D” you get our number.)

Me: “[Business]; how can I help you?”

Caller: “I’m having trouble with my car and would like to make an appointment.”

Me: “This is [Business]; were you trying to reach the Ford dealer?”

Caller: “Yes.”

Me: “You have to dial F O! R D. Goodbye.”

(A few minutes later the phone rings again.)

Me: “[Business], how can I help you?”

Same Caller: “I’m having trouble with my car and would like to make an appointment.”

Me: “This is [Business]! You have to dial F O! R D. Goodbye.”

(A few minutes later the phone rings again.)

Me: “[Business], how can I help you?”

Same Caller: “I’m having trouble with my car and would like to make an appointment.”

Me: “Sure, would Thursday at 4:30 be okay?”

Same Caller: “Yes.”

Me: “See you then, goodbye.”

(I wonder if they squeezed her in?)

This Design Holds No Quarter

, , , , , , | Working | January 4, 2019

(I have a coworker who is… not very observant.)

Coworker #1: “I don’t like the smaller eagle.”

Me: “Huh?”

(I look over and see her holding two quarters. One is an older-style quarter with a bald eagle on the back and the other is a California state quarter with an image of a man and a bird.)

Coworker #1: “This one has a smaller bird and it’s hard to see. This one has a bigger eagle. I like the bigger eagle. They must have changed the design. I don’t like the smaller eagle.”

Me: “Uh… that’s a state quarter. They’ve been around for a while.”

Coworker #1: “I like the bigger eagle. I don’t like the smaller eagle.”

(She walks over to another coworker who shares our office.)

Coworker #1: “They changed the eagle, see?”

Coworker #2: *focused on her computer* “Hmm?”

Coworker #1: “The eagle is bigger on this quarter and smaller on this one. They must have changed the design. I wonder what the date is.” *examines the older quarter* “1995. And…” *squints at the California quarter, then holds it out to me* “What does that say?”

Me: “2005.”

Coworker #1: “So, yeah, it’s a new design.”

Me: “That was thirteen years ago.”

Coworker #1: “Yeah, a new design!” *wanders out of the room*

She Slipped Up Big Time

, , , , | Right | January 2, 2019

(A woman comes into our store, and I recognize her as someone who made a huge scene a few months ago and got away with a refund and $25 gift card. I am DREADING her coming up to returns! There are a few people in front of her, and their kid drops their ice cream. I call for someone to come pick it up. We are severely understaffed, so I put a big sign in over it. The sign completely covers the spill, so unless you move the sign, you will not step on the ice cream. I see the woman eyeing the sign like she is debating whether to slip or not. As I cash out the man in front of her, I see the hazard sign go up in the air and hear someone scream. She says her back hurts and she refuses to get up. The woman then yells at me to call my manager.)

Me: “Do you want me to call 911?”


(I run and get my manager. While in the back, I tell my manager to review the camera above my station that will PROVE she purposely slipped!)

Manager: *comes outside to see what happened* “[My Name], what happened?”

Me: “She claims she slipped.”

Woman:Claims?! I did slip! What are you talking about?”

Manager: “Okay, I’m going to get an incident form and we will figure this out, but ma’am, do you want an ambulance?”

Woman: “Incident form? I don’t want an incident form; I want a $200 [Store] gift card!”

Manager: “Ma’am, you’re clearly hurt; what will a [Store] gift card do for you?”

Woman: “If you give me a gift card, I won’t press charges.”

Manager: *looks around and pointedly looks at camera* “Press charges, sweetheart. Have a good day.” *walks away*

(The woman gets up, without issue, and follows my manager to customer service.)

Woman: *to customer service* “I AM HORRIFIED BY THE LACK OF CONCERN FOR ME HERE!”

Manager: “Ma’am, wait right here. I’ll help you.” *walks away and comes back out of the security room* “Ma’am, I want to show you something.”

(The woman follows the manager into the security room.)

Woman: *comes out of room* “Why would I fake something like that?”

(The undercover security come out and tell the women she is banned from this location.)


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