Getting Shirty About The Dress

, , , , | Right | September 8, 2017

(I’m 16 years old and have been working at my first job, a popular teen clothing store, for a couple months. A woman approaches me asking for help locating an item.)

Customer: “I was just in here a couple days ago, and my daughter saw this shirt she wanted, so I came back to buy it for her birthday, but I can’t find it.”

Me: “Great! Can you describe it for me?”

Customer: “It was blue.”

Me: “What shade of blue? We have all kinds of blue shirts, from pastel to navy.”

Customer: “I don’t know. Maybe it wasn’t blue… maybe it was white?”

Me: “Hmm, all right. We’ve got a few light blue shirts over here.”

(I take her around the store, showing her a few options.)

Customer: “No, it isn’t any of these.”

Me: “No problem, we’ve got a bunch of blue or white shirts all over the store. Do you remember if it had any patterns or designs on it?”

Customer: “Yeah, I think so. Maybe.”

Me: “…Okay, what colors were in the pattern or design?”

Customer: “I don’t know.”

Me: “All right, how about this. What style was the shirt? Was it form-fitting or loose, with long sleeves or short sleeves?”

Customer: “I have no idea. It may have been a dress.”

(Trying very hard not to show my frustration, I decide to let her browse, since she has no idea what she’s looking for.)

Me: “The majority of our dresses are on this rack here, and the shirts are spread out all over the store. I’d also check the clearance racks to see if you find something that looks familiar. I’m not really sure what shirt or dress you’re looking for, so please feel free to look around and let me know if there is anything else I can do for you, or if you remember any details.”

Customer: “You just had a it a few days ago! How can you not know where it is?”

Me: “It’s possible that I do know where the item is, but your description matches nearly half the store. It could be anywhere. If you can’t give me more details about it, I have to just let you shop so I can help other customers.”

(The customer walks off in a huff, and I see her at the register about 15 minutes later, purchasing several pairs of jeans and a red blouse with no designs on it. She notices me and holds up the shirt.)

Customer: “Hey, look! I found it! It was on the same rack as before!”

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Best To Just Walk Away Or They’ll Drive You Away

, , , | Right | September 7, 2017

(I am an apartment manager. I receive a phone call from a woman asking for information about our apartments. She asked me a series of questions regarding the rental amount, utilities, parking, etc., all very good questions. Finally, she asks:)

Caller: “How close are you located to the beach?”

Me: “Our location is 3½ miles to the beach.”

Caller: “Is that walking or driving?”

Me: *holding back laughter* “Either one. We are located 3½ miles to the beach.”

(She seemed a little frustrated that I wouldn’t tell her whether that was walking or driving.)

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Those Scammers Need To Run For The Happy Hills

, , , | Working | September 7, 2017

(My parents are, unfortunately, the ripe age for being picked on by scammers. Some of these scammers can be obvious. Others… not so much. This one was sent via email to my mom one summer’s eve. Please note that I can’t remember the exact lettering of the first email, as it is very official looking and contains a lot of legal jargon. Therefore, I’m shortening this submission, to keep it short and simple.)

Email: “Dear [Name], We have received information regarding a lawsuit against you. If you do not comply to relinquish [amount] by Friday, we will be forced to alert the proper authority! Sincerely, [Official-Sounding Legal Office].”

(This sounds a little fishy. I know where my family is financially and we aren’t exactly lawbreakers. We decide to respond, regardless.)

Me: “What are the charges, may I ask?”

Email: “Give [amount] to our company and we won’t call the cops.”

(Okay… maybe a different approach was needed to get some information?)

Me: “Listen. You say you have information. We are legally obligated to ask what charges you have. Also, we’d like proof that we are the people that you’re after.”

Email: *provides specific information about my parents, but still refuses to list the charges*

Me: “Okay, could you please send us a legal document regarding the matter, a police report or some sort of report regarding how much we owe?”

Email: *sends document*

(This… document… makes me fall out of my chair from laughing. It is very official looking; my mom and I are actually a little shaken… until we see the name of the location and the seal on the document. It reads, plain and simple, “Law Offices of Happy Hills County.” No state, no city, no name of clientele. The seal? A crappy attempt at [Popular Coffee Shop]’s logo, done in black and white, and made to look like a stamp.)

Me: *shaking while typing* “Really? ‘Happy Hills?’ Mind if I ask where that is, who your client is, and most importantly, what the charges are?!”

Email: “Just give us the money, or we’re calling the cops.”

(This was the only email I recall completely. They’d dropped the whole legal act, and now just sent a threat. My mom called the police on the matter and was told not to worry about it. It turns out that that particular scam had been called in a lot. On top of that, after their “threatening” email, the scammers never did message us again, nor did the cops show up at our door regarding the matter.)

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Doesn’t Have That Friday Feeling

, , , , , | Romantic | September 7, 2017

(It’s Friday, a workday in the USA. I make my wife and myself breakfast every day, typically eggs and toast.)

Me: “I have to go, I’m late.”

Wife: “Late for what?”

Me: “I still go to the 10:00 meeting. I’m late for work.”

Wife: “What?”

Me: “I work today. It’s Friday. I work on Fridays. It’s America.”

Wife: “It’s Friday?”

Me: “Yes; do you feel like it’s Saturday?”

Wife: “You served me breakfast in bed.”

Me: “But if it’s Saturday, how come you didn’t get your egg poached with salmon and capers and cheese?”

Wife: “I’m going to check.”

Me: “How come we didn’t watch Saturday morning breakfast cartoons?”

Wife: “It’s really Friday!”

Me: “You must have thought your Saturday morning really sucked.”

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Some Students Should Be Sectioned

, , , , | Learning | September 7, 2017

(I teach at a large university that has over 30,000 students. Some of the introductory and GE classes are very large, containing 350 to 400 students. In addition to two smaller classes for majors [about 40 students each], I also teach one of those 400-student freshman courses. The class is divided into 15 smaller discussion sections taught by TAs. I do the lectures for the class twice a week. This exchange happens over the e-mail.)

Student: “Hi! I am in your class, and I wanted to know whether we have a quiz this Friday.”

Me: Hello. Which class are you in?”

Student: “Your Tuesday/Thursday class.”

Me: “I teach three classes that meet on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Which one are you in?”

Student: “I am in the history one.”

Me: “I am a professor of history. All classes I teach are about history. What is the title and number of the class you are taking with me?

Student: “Oh! I didn’t know that. It’s HST 101.”

(That’s the one with nearly 400 students in it, and the quizzes are given by TAs in their discussion sections; schedules may vary.)

Me: “Your TA is giving the quizzes, not me, so you need to ask them that.”

Student: “How do I ask my TA?”

Me: “You should probably email them.”

Student: “What’s their email?”

Me: “It’s on your syllabus. The TAs for each section are listed right below my contact information.”

Student: “But which one is mine?”

Me: “The one whose name appears next to the number of your section.”

Student: “How do I know what my section is?”

Me: *entirely losing patience at this point* “Go to your [Student Enrollment System] page and look at the courses you are enrolled in. Find HST 101. After 101, there should be another number, like 01, 02, etc. That number is your section number. Then find the name of the TA for that section on your syllabus and email them about the quiz.”

(I didn’t hear from the student or about her again until the next week’s TA meeting, when one of the TAs mentioned that she had a student finally show up in her discussion section that she hadn’t seen before, but whom she had tried to contact multiple times at the beginning of the semester because the student was not attending. The student finally showed up because a sorority sister of hers told her that there were graded quizzes in the sections. Guess who didn’t pass the class?)

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