Doesn’t Know Any F-Words

, , , | Right | October 14, 2018

(Because we work with Americans, as well as many international clients, we get a lot of interesting people. The best way to get any information to prospective clients is through email. This is one exchange I had with a prospective client.)

Me: “All right. What I can do is send you all the information you are asking for through email, and CC an agent so that she may answer any questions you have.”

Client: “Okay.”

Me: “All right, what’s your name?”

(The client spells out his name slowly, using the “B as in ‘Boy’” thing.)

Me: *inwardly* “Thank goodness! I don’t think I would ever understand him.” *outwardly* “All right, and your email?”

(The client begins spelling out his email using same technique, then says:)

Client: “F as in ‘Edward,’ at [rest of email].”

Me: “Um… Okay, just to make sure I have this down correctly—”

(I begin spelling out the email and put extra emphasis on the F.)

Client: “Yes.”

Me: “Okay, I will get this information to you by the end of the day.”

Client: “Thank you!”

(It ended up being an E. I don’t blame him, though; an F is just an E without a bottom!)

What A Fudging Idiot

, , , , | Right | October 14, 2018

(I work at an ice cream shop that has a special every 31st. This is a conversation I hear between my coworker and a customer.)

Customer: “Do you have [flavor with fudge in it]?”

Coworker: “Yes, ma’am, we do. Would you like a scoop?”

Customer: “Yes. In a cup.”

Coworker: *scoops ice cream and hands it over to customer* “Will that be all tonight, ma’am?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Coworker: “Your total will be [total]. Thank you! Have a great night!”

Customer: *walks back, angry now* “Hey! Does this have fudge in it?!”

Coworker: “Well, you asked for [flavor with fudge], correct?”

Customer: “Yes, but I didn’t know it had fudge in it! I demand a new scoop for free!”

Coworker: “I’m sorry but I can’t give you a new scoop. You have to pay for a new one since it’s so cheap today.”

Customer: *glares and points to the flavor she wants*

Coworker: *finishes transaction* “Have a good evening!”

A Foreign Concept Being A Foreigner

, , , , | Related | October 13, 2018

(My elderly grandmother has just returned home from the DMV after passing her driving exam to renew her license, and is telling me about the experience.)

Grandma: “—and it was just so full, so many people!”

Me: “Well, it is the DMV.”

Grandma: “Yes, but there were just so many foreigners!”

Me: “I— What?”

(This caught me off guard because my grandmother immigrated here from Germany.)

Grandma: “I said, ‘There were so many foreigners.’”

Me: *now laughing* “Including you!”

Grandma: *clearly not expecting that response, but chuckling along as she realizes I’m right* “Well, I… You know what I mean!”

(I guess she’s lived here for so long that she forgets.)

Literally Showing Them The Door

, , , , , | Right | October 11, 2018

(I work in a popular office supply store, which also has a copy center. It is not unheard of for a customer to pay for copies at regular checkout. This takes place right after open. The store has one very obvious door for enter and exit.)

Customer: “How do I get out?”

(I think she means, “check out,” since we are about five feet from the door.)

Me: “Do you need to be checked out?”

Customer: “No! I already paid. How do I leave?”

Me: *gesturing at door* “You can just walk out.”

(I told my manager; she didn’t believe me.)

Pardon His French

, , , , | Right | October 11, 2018

(I am at the register and this guy walks in. He’s looking around, so I go out and ask him if he needs help.)

Customer: “Parlez-vous francais?”

Me: “No, I’m sorry.”

Customer: “Me, either.”

(He then continued talking… in English.)

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