Office Supply And Demanding

, , , , | Right | June 9, 2017

(I work as a supervisor in a retail office supply store. In fact, the company name has the word “Office” in it. A woman and her husband enter my store. Unfortunately, the following exchange takes place far too often…)

Me: “Good afternoon! Welcome to [Store]. What can I help you find today?”

Wife: “Oh, I’m just looking for some office supplies.”

(The woman’s husband looks sideways at her.)

Me: “Err… ma’am, we’re an office supply store. Everything in here counts as an office supply. Is there anything in particular you needed?”

Wife: *irritated* “Office supplies!”

Me: “Pens and pencils? Toner? Paper? Desk organizers? Calendars?”

Husband: “Honey, we—”

Wife: “No! God! How hard is it to just direct me to the office supplies!?”

(I spread my arms wide and turn to take in the scope of the entire store, which has many clearly labeled sections such as “Writing”, “Desk Accessories” and “Ink & Toner”, all of which are visible from the entrance.)

Me: “Ma’am, without knowing what specific items you’re looking for, I can’t really direct you anywhere.”

Husband: *before his wife can respond* “We’ll just look around by ourselves, thanks.”

Telling Them Off Is A Breath Of Fresh Air

, , , , , | Friendly | June 8, 2017

(I am shopping at our local dollar store when I come across an old lady in the cleaning aisle, spraying air freshener into the air. And it isn’t little sprays — it is massive “oh, my gosh, who was just in the bathroom!” sprays.)

Me: “Ma’am? You really shouldn’t do that.”

Old Woman: “Why? You’re not my boss!”

Me: “I know, but I’m sure there are others in this store like me who are allergic to the chemicals in those bottles.”

Old Woman: “What the h*** does that have to do with it?”

Me: “Well, let me put it this way: when I have an asthma attack and have to go to the hospital because I can’t breath, are you going to pay for my ambulance ride?”

(The old lady’s face pales. She drops the air fresheners on the ground and scampers away to the other side of the store. I go on with my shopping, holding my breath as I walk through the cloud, and grab the one thing I need from that aisle. A clerk stops me as I leave the aisle. I thought for sure the old lady reported me for something but am surprised when she smiles at me.)

Clerk: “Thank you. We’ve been trying to get her to stop for the last ten minutes but she just kept telling us to f*** off.”

Marketing, Market Thyself

, , , , , | Working | June 8, 2017

(I work internal tech support. A user from our marketing department calls in to ask why his emails to an external recipient keep bouncing. I take a look at the bounce-back message, and it indicates that the sender’s address was blocked by the end user.)

Me: “This isn’t really an error message; our system sent the e-mail successfully. However, the end recipient chose to block it as spam, which is why you’re getting these bounce-backs.”

Marketing: “Can you unblock our email address?”

Me: “No, because the block is on their end. It’s not in our system so we have no control over it.”

Marketing: “Why would they flag my email as spam? It’s not spam. It’s a legitimate marketing email blast.”

Me: “Apparently it looked enough like spam that they didn’t want to receive it any more.”

Marketing: “How do I make my emails so that they don’t look like spam and people want to read them?”

Me: “You’re the marketing department. You tell me.”

Mexican’t Believe It

, , , , | Learning | June 8, 2017

(I am working in a junior high classroom helping a group of students with their English homework. This is not long after Trump takes office and the students are reading a magazine article about Trump’s different stances on the environment, immigration, economy, etc. I am explaining to them about his ideas about the border wall with Mexico.)

Student #1: “But I don’t get it. Isn’t Mexico part of the U.S.?”

Me: *fumbling for a response* “Are you thinking of New Mexico?”

Student #1: “No, Mexico Mexico.”

Me: “…No.”

(The rest of the students are either laughing or gaping at this point.)

Student #2: *pointing* “There’s a map over there. Go look.”

(I lead Student #1 over to the map and show them Mexico and the US.)

Student #1: *wide eyed* “Ooohhh… that makes so much more sense. Like, I couldn’t figure out why all the other states wanted to keep people from one state out.”

(At this point, I’m just nodding and trying not to laugh.)

Student #1: “How did I get to seventh grade without knowing that?”

(I thought it best not to answer.)

Very Blah-sé About Getting A Letter

, , , , | Friendly | June 7, 2017

(My friend and I are in our early 20s at the time this story takes place, and my friend has just gotten her first office job with her own desk. She’s so excited about it that I decide to mail a letter to the office, to be delivered to her at her new desk. However, as a joke, all the letter says is variations of “blah blah, blabby blah blah-blah” and so on for an entire page, and is signed “Love, [My Name]” at the end. The letter arrives.)

Friend: “Oooh, I got mail! Look, it’s from my friend!”

(She opens the letter on her lunch break, reads it, and manages NOT to dissolve into laughter. Instead, she pretends it is very interesting and makes many “Ooh” and “wow!” comments, in full view of the other coworkers who are also on their lunch breaks.)

Coworker: “What’s it say?”

Friend: *handing over the letter* “Here, you can read for yourself! So nice of my friend to send me a letter. She recently moved out of town, you know. I haven’t seen her in a while.”

Coworker: “What? All this says is ‘blah’!”

Friend: “No, it doesn’t! Look! It says, ‘Dear [Friend], I miss you. The weather this week is scorchingly hot…’”

(She took the letter back and made up a story on the spot, pretending to read from the sheet full of “blahs” and using details from an earlier phone conversation we’d had. The entire office was baffled. When she called me later to relate the story, we were in tears from laughing so hard!)

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