Human Sheep: The Movie

, , , , , | Right | November 16, 2017

(I work at a movie theater, and this happens almost every time there’s a line for a popular movie.)

Me: *collecting tickets* “Theater four, last door on your right. Enjoy the movie. Theater four, last door on your right. Enjoy the movie. Theater four, last door on your right. Enjoy the movie. Theater fo— your movie started ten minutes ago. Theater one, first door on your left.”

(Apparently, some people see a line, and they just get in it.)

1 Thumbs
386

Insert Title Here

, , , | Right | November 15, 2017

(I work in an auto shop.)

Me: “Thank you for calling. My name is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, the check payment you guys sent me for my car bounced, and the funds were reversed.”

Me: “Okay, ma’am, I do apologize about that. Let me take a look on your file.”

(I look at the file and it appears that she only gave us an application to get a title and not an actual title.)

Me: “Okay, ma’am, it looks like when we received your title at the yard, it wasn’t actually a title; it was an application. We tried contacting you to owner-retain the vehicle and send it back to your house, but you never answered or returned our calls.”

Customer: “I didn’t receive any of your calls. The agency that referred me to you said that the application would be sufficient.”

Me: “When we took down your file, ma’am, we asked if you had a title. You said that you did. So, unfortunately, at this time all we can do is contact the yard and send the vehicle back to you, since your end of the verbal contract wasn’t completed.”

Customer: “That’s bulls***! I’m going to call the local police and tell them that I never gave you the car and that you stole it.”

Me: “Well, ma’am, you would be charged with filing a false police report, since we have records of you agreeing to have the car picked up with a title.”

Customer: *click*

1 Thumbs
535

Force-Fed Some Common Sense

, , , , , , | Friendly | November 14, 2017

(During a break between classes, my friends and I are standing in the hallway talking. One of my friends has a plate of food from her culinary class in one hand and a drink in the other.)

Friend #1: “How am I supposed to eat this with my hands full?”

Me: “Here, let me give you a hand.”

(I reach over and grab the fork off her plate and start spearing pieces of food and holding it up to her mouth to eat. This proceeds until the plate is empty as we all keep talking.)

Friend #2: *after staring at us with a weird look* “Why did you feed her? Wouldn’t have been easier to hold the plate for her or hold the drink while she took bites?”

([Friend #1] and I freeze and then stare at each other in disbelief, as that thought hadn’t crossed either of our minds.)

Me: *as everyone is laughing now* “Why didn’t any of you say anything earlier?! You just let me feed her for the last five minutes!”

Friend #2: “Honestly, I didn’t think either of you were that stupid, so I assumed there had to be a reasonable explanation for why you did it that way.”

Me: “Yeah, well, you got that wrong.”

1 Thumbs
411

Unfiltered Story #100113

, , | Unfiltered | November 14, 2017

(My coworker is calling a patient to go over preparation instructions for their colonoscopy. This involves listing foods they must avoid and foods they can eat on the required clear liquid diet before the procedure. She’s speaking with a non-native English speaker.)

Coworker #1: “You can have jello, clear broth, popsicles…*pause, then a funny look* ‘What’s popsicles?'”

(My other coworker starts cracking up at the look on her face.)

Coworker #1: *at a loss for words* “Uh…it’s…frozen ice!”

(Coworker #2 just about falls off her chair. We all tease her about ‘frozen ice’ for the rest of the day.)

Their Math Training Is Cheap

, , , , , | Working | November 13, 2017

(I decide to stop by a fast food place because I have a buy-one-get-one-free coupon for a popular burger. I drive up to the window and place my order.)

Cashier: “Oh, that’s on special right now, two for $3. Did you want two?”

Me: “Uh… Yes, I have a coupon to buy one, get one free.”

(She repeats my order back and tells me my total is $3.21. I’m a little confused, so when I get to the window I ask why it’s so much because the burger itself is $1.99.)

Cashier: “Oh, it’s because it’s buy two for $3, and then tax.”

Me: “But I have the BOGO coupon…”Cas

Cashier: “Oh, this way is a better deal, so you can save your coupon for when they aren’t on sale. It’s cheaper with the sale than with the coupon.”

(I tried to explain the math to her but she didn’t understand, and kept reiterating that her way was cheaper. Finally, frustrated beyond reason, I asked her to ring it up using the coupon and tell me which was cheaper. She seemed honestly shocked that $2.14 was less than $3.21. She rang it up correctly and handed me my food, and as I was about to pull away I heard her telling her coworkers that they were wrong all those times they told people it was cheaper.)

1 Thumbs
536