Makes You Yearn For A Real Bullet

, , , , , | Working | June 6, 2017

(I am the only IT person on site, supporting about 50 users of varying skill levels. This user is about 50 years old, and is very nervous around computers. I’m helping him prep a document for a meeting.)

Me: “Okay! And now, if you want, you can simply copy and paste the text from that email into this PowerPoint slide.”

User: “I want to keep it the same.” *indicating formatting, such as bullet points*

Me: “We can totally do that. When we paste, we’ll tell it to copy the formatting.”

User: “But I don’t want all those dots.” *tapping the screen where the bullet points are*

Me: “Okay. We can tell it to just paste the text then, instead of formatting.” *we do so*

User: “Where did my dots go?!”

Me: “The bullet points? I thought you said you didn’t want them.”

User: “I don’t. I just want the dots in front of the words.”

Me: “Those dots are the bullet points.”

User: “No. I just want the dots.” *again, indicates the bullet points*

Me: “All right. Let’s change that, then.” *two quick clicks and the bullet points are restored*

User: “NO! I don’t want those! Just the dots!”

Me: *running out of patience* “Which dots?” *I highlight the bullet points* “These dots?”

User: “Yes! Is that so hard?”

Me: *silently cursing my decision to enter IT* “No. I’m sorry for misunderstanding. Does it look okay now?” *indicating the PowerPoint slide with the bullet points*

User: “No. Take those things away! I told you I don’t want them.”

(I change the style of the bullet points from small dots to squares.)

Me: “How about this? Is that better?”

User: “Yes. Finally. I don’t know why that was so hard for you.”

They’re More Indoors People

, , , , | Romantic | June 6, 2017

(My friend and I are discussing the issue of hot guys who act like jerks.)

Friend: “It’s like that thing your parents say about you can be pretty on the outside but your inside is ugly.”

Me: “Sorta like, you’re a d**k, but I want your d**k, y’know?”

You Score An ‘F’ At Being A Human Being

, , , | Friendly Learning | June 5, 2017

(I am half Japanese and half Irish, but don’t look very Japanese; in fact, most people don’t think I’m Asian. I’m talking with a group of friends during lunch period.)

Friend #1: “The other day [Asian Classmate] was super upset ’cause she got an A-. I felt kinda bad for her, but like, that’s a lot of pressure on her, for her to get upset at an A-.”

Friend #2: “Ha, f****** Asians. They’re such f****** try-hards, right? They’re everywhere, too. Like, omigod, another f****** Ching Chong!”

(Friend #2 proceeds to stretch out their eyes to look “Asian” and smiles like a madman, nodding like we’d all agree with them.)

Me: “You’re kidding.”

Friend #3: “I really hope you’re kidding.”

Friend #2: “No, Asians are the f****** worst.”

Me: “I’m Asian.”

Other Friends: *at the same time as me* “[My Name] is Asian.”

Friend #2: “Ew! Get away from me, demon slit eye!”

Me: “No, you get away from me. Find someone who thinks like you so when you bump heads, your thick skulls crack. None of us want to be associated with someone who can go from being a friend to hating someone just because of their race.”

(Friend #2 did end up leaving after that, sticking their tongue out and making “Asian” eyes. I hardly ever talk to them anymore, and I definitely don’t consider them a friend.)

Unfiltered Story #89017

, , , | Unfiltered | June 4, 2017

(During college, I used to go to a fairly large bookstore chain after classes or on the weekends before the chain closed down several years ago. More often than not, I’d start putting books that got left behind by other customers back on their shelves before I leave. There’s no real uniform requirement, so the only difference separating employees and customers is the radio, earpiece set, and apron. I was in the middle of putting away a stack of manga in the graphic novels section.)

Customer: “Excuse me, do you know here the automotive and cooking sections are?”

Me: *stares* “Uh…”

(The customer takes a couple seconds to take a good look at me before realizing that I lack earpiece and apron.)

Customer: “Oh, sorry! You looked like you knew what you were doing! I’ll go find an employee.”

(An ACTUAL worker comes up to me as the customer leaves. I went to this particular branch often that we recognize each other.)

Worker: *trying not to laugh, having overhead* “Other people still thinking that you work here?”

Me: *flabbergasted* “I don’t even have the apron or radio!”

Unfiltered Story #87852

, , | Unfiltered | June 3, 2017

(I ring a customer up for his game. I’ve already put his game in a small bag, and after he pays I show him a coupon on his receipt)

Me: So, there is a coupon on here for Buy 2 Get 1 Free!

Customer: Great. Now, it’d only be better if (Company) would stop wasting paper by printing such long receipts. Or even better, save plastic by not putting my game in a plastic bag when I can just carry it out. Which I can easily do, just hold it in my hand and walk out with it like that.

Me: Um…(takes game out of bag and hands it to him) Here you go..?

(As he walks out my next guest approaches the counter looking after the him)

Next customer: He could have just said he didn’t want a bag.

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