(I work at a tasting room, serving beer in house and to-go. We close at 9:00 pm. I get this call at 8:52 pm.)

Me: “[Store], how may I help you?”

Caller: “Hi. What time do you close?”

Me: “We actually close at 9:00 pm.”

Caller: “Oh, I am five minutes away. Can I still come?”

Me: “Were you looking for to-go?”

Caller: “No, I wanted to drink there.”

Me: “Um…”

Caller: *brusquely* “Never mind, don’t worry about it.”

(To-go options are quick, and I have no problem staying a few minutes late to keep customers happy. But for here can take people up to an hour, sometimes longer. Please observe opening hours. Workers want to go home after a long day!)

(When I am younger, and before my doctor orders me not to, I occasionally treat myself to comfort food at the nearby McKing-in-the-Box, Jr. This particular location has a low-priced combo that allows me to get it and a newspaper for an even dollar amount. They also have hired an energetic man with special needs to bus the trash when people leave. On the day in question, I leave my tray with the still-wrapped burger, full bag of fries, pristine LA Times, and my reading glasses on a table and go to fill my drink cup. When I turn around, I see my untouched food and newspaper going into the trash. I yell and am able to save the paper but not the food. The worker is able to comprehend what he did; I am not upset with him as his prime directive is to clear tables when no one is sitting there. What becomes a problem is when I go back to the counter to get replacement food.)

Me: “I need to get my combo meal replaced. Your worker threw mine away before I’d had a bite.”

Worker #2: “That will be [total].”

Me: “No, you don’t understand. I got up to get my drink and your cleaner threw my food away before I’d eaten any of it.”

Worker #2: “Right. That will be [total].”

Me: “GET YOUR MANAGER!”

Manager: “Nice try. People pull that scam all the time. You need to pay.”

Me: “Call him over and ask him. Or better yet, check the trash bin and you’ll see an uneaten and wrapped burger near the top. Come and look.”

(I nearly had to drag him but finally got him to come with me to check, just before someone emptied that trash bin. I did get my replacement food but it was a struggle.)

(I’m 20 years old and a shrimp of a guy — about five-foot-six and 120 pounds soaking wet. I’ve gone on two dates with my girlfriend, but we haven’t yet kissed. She lives with her parents and wants me to meet them, so I come over for dinner.)

Girlfriend: “Hi! Come on in and I’ll introduce you.”

(I step inside the house and enter the living room. My attention is drawn to the enormous dog sitting on the rug, wagging his tail. This dog has to outweigh me by 50 pounds, minimum. My girlfriend’s dad is scratching the dog’s head.)

Girlfriend: “Oh, that’s Bucky. Bucky, say hi!”

Bucky: “Woof!”

Me: “Hi there, pup!”

(Seeing a new, friendly-looking human, Bucky bounds over to me and jumps up, trying to lick my face. I get knocked down, and the next instant, I’m lying on my back with Bucky happily slobbering all over my face. I think I might drown in drool.)

Girlfriend: “So much for me being the first member of the family to kiss you.”

(I married my girlfriend a year later. Bucky and I were besties until Bucky died of old age about ten years after I met him.)

(I am training a cashier on the morning shift. It is only her second morning shift, so she is still a little uncertain on a few things. She is working the front counter and drive-thru and I am covering cooking for an employee on break. An order comes in the drive-thru for a breakfast burrito combo with hash browns and a coffee. The customer is really short with my cashier while ordering, but not terribly rude. I get the order made, and then bag it and take it to the drive-thru since my cashier is taking longer than expected and it’s our only order at the moment. I find that the cashier has forgotten to hit the enter button after entering the customer’s total on the card reader, so it timed out and she has to reenter the total. At this point, it has been less than two minutes since the customer pulled up to the order speaker, so she hasn’t been waiting long at all.)

Customer: “God! How much longer is this going to take? Geez, this is taking forever! Why are you so slow? I have somewhere to be! How long does it take to run a credit card?”

(Because the customer is being so nasty, I take over the order so my sixteen-year-old cashier doesn’t have to deal with it anymore.)

Me: “I’m sorry about that. I have your card and your receipt right here.”

(She snatches the card from my hand so forcefully that it flies from her hand into her passenger seat.)

Me: “And here is your coffee.”

(The customer grabs the coffee cup so hard that she squeezes it and pops the lid off. Coffee sloshes over her hand.)

Me: “Oh, no! Are you okay? Here, let me get you some napkins. Are you all right?”

Customer: “No! I’m not all right! How dare you give me coffee without putting the lid on right?! What is wrong with you?!”

(I have been burned myself by being handed coffee in the drive-thru with the lid not on all the way, so I always triple-check lids on the coffees before handing them out.)

Me: “I’m so sorry. I was certain the lid was on all the way.”

Customer: “Never mind. Just give me my food!”

(I hand over the bag with her order and she snatches that from me, as well. I try to hand her the cream and sugar she asked for, which is in my other hand, but she is busy looking through her bag.)

Customer: “Where are my cream and sugar? I told her I wanted them when I ordered! Can’t you get anything right?”

(I just raise my hand again to hand give her the cream and sugar I have been TRYING to give her.)

Me: “They’re right here in my hand.”

Customer: “This is ridiculous. I have never had such bad service here before. You guys are so slow and so rude! I just want you to know you got an F for service today. Just think about that!”

(The customer then proceeded to speed out of the drive-thru, nearly hitting a landscaper that was blowing leaves in the parking lot. Her order took almost five minutes because she kept having a fit over how slow it was when she would have been out in less than three if she had managed to contain her temper tantrum. My cashier was a little shook up as it was her first experience with an angry customer, but I explained that she had done nothing wrong, and some people can just be really nasty when they try.)

(I am dropping off a package at the post office. I am pretty busy but I don’t have anywhere to be so I wait my turn patiently. Unfortunately, as soon as the clerk is free, my phone begins to ring.)

Me: “Oh, shoot. I gotta take this.” *to the person behind me* “You can go ahead.”

Woman #1: “Thank you!”

(I step off to the side to take my call as the woman goes on ahead. It turns out it’s nothing big and I am able to hang up quickly and go back to waiting behind [Woman #1]. However, when [Woman #1] is done and walking away…)

Woman #2: “MOVE!”

(This second lady shoulders me out of the way and slams her package onto the counter as though we were in some sort of race.)

Clerk: “Actually, ma’am, she was next in–“

Woman #2: “No, she wasn’t. She stepped out of line to answer her phone, so she gave up her spot. She can go to the back of the line, or leave!”

(Then, in perfect timing that only this chaotic universe can provide, HER phone ends up ringing. I don’t know where it’s coming from until she looks at her purse then looks back up, making eye contact with me. Whether it is because she catches the hint of smugness and amusement on my face, has decided to double-down on her own assertion, or would’ve done the same if this situation hadn’t happened, she turns back to the clerk, digs out her phone from her purse, and ANSWERS IT RIGHT THERE.)

Woman #2: “Oh, hi, [Friend]. How’ve you been?”

Clerk: “Uh, ma’am?”

Woman #2: *shoving her package towards the clerk’s general direction* “Yeah, I’m just at the post office getting my son’s gift weighed and priced.” *pointedly looking at clerk* “I would’ve already been out of here if there weren’t idiots holding up the line.”

(I have had it with this woman and am about to start ripping into her. Truth be told, I don’t know what I could say to her that wouldn’t cause more of a delay for everyone, but I luckily never get to. Unbeknownst to anyone, [Woman #1] has stayed back and watched the whole thing unfold.)

Woman #1: “[Woman #2]?”

Woman #2: *freezes, then looks at [Woman #1], confused*

Woman #1: “[Woman #2]? [Woman #2], is that you? What are you doing?”

Woman #2: “I… I’m sorry, I don’t—”

Woman #1: “You’ve never acted like this, never. I honestly can’t believe my eyes. Is this how you are to others?”

Woman #2: *beet red* “I… I’ve got to go!!”

(With that, she practically snatches up her package from the clerk’s hands and bolts out of the place. A collective sigh of relief is had for everyone present and I finally make it to the counter. [Woman #1] stands by to check in on me as the clerk is doing her thing.)

Woman #1: “Are you all right?”

Me: “I’m fine, thank you. But, um… I’m sorry about your friend. Maybe she was…”

Woman #1: *laughing* “Oh, I have no idea who the h*** she is, thank God. I just took a peek at what names were on her package and made a gamble.”

(I’m so thankful for that woman. She unknowingly saved me from blowing a gasket with her quick thinking. Since the local post office is super close to me, I hope to run into her again and trade contact info, at least to send her a holiday card for the future!)