Unfiltered Story #100113

, , , | Unfiltered | November 14, 2017

(My coworker is calling a patient to go over preparation instructions for their colonoscopy. This involves listing foods they must avoid and foods they can eat on the required clear liquid diet before the procedure. She’s speaking with a non-native English speaker.)

Coworker #1: “You can have jello, clear broth, popsicles…*pause, then a funny look* ‘What’s popsicles?'”

(My other coworker starts cracking up at the look on her face.)

Coworker #1: *at a loss for words* “Uh…it’s…frozen ice!”

(Coworker #2 just about falls off her chair. We all tease her about ‘frozen ice’ for the rest of the day.)

Their Math Training Is Cheap

, , , , , , | Working | November 13, 2017

(I decide to stop by a fast food place because I have a buy-one-get-one-free coupon for a popular burger. I drive up to the window and place my order.)

Cashier: “Oh, that’s on special right now, two for $3. Did you want two?”

Me: “Uh… Yes, I have a coupon to buy one, get one free.”

(She repeats my order back and tells me my total is $3.21. I’m a little confused, so when I get to the window I ask why it’s so much because the burger itself is $1.99.)

Cashier: “Oh, it’s because it’s buy two for $3, and then tax.”

Me: “But I have the BOGO coupon…”Cas

Cashier: “Oh, this way is a better deal, so you can save your coupon for when they aren’t on sale. It’s cheaper with the sale than with the coupon.”

(I tried to explain the math to her but she didn’t understand, and kept reiterating that her way was cheaper. Finally, frustrated beyond reason, I asked her to ring it up using the coupon and tell me which was cheaper. She seemed honestly shocked that $2.14 was less than $3.21. She rang it up correctly and handed me my food, and as I was about to pull away I heard her telling her coworkers that they were wrong all those times they told people it was cheaper.)

Special Friends Forever

, , , , , , , | Learning | November 13, 2017

(In fourth grade I move to a new school. On my first day of school, a group of girls comes up to me and claims me as their friend. I become really good friends with one of the girls, and the rest are fun to play with at recess. Some of the girls aren’t as smart as I am, and one is missing a leg. All of them have another class that they go to for part of the day, but being nine, I don’t really think much of it. This happens in sixth grade: My teacher has asked me to stay behind so she can talk to me before I go to recess.)

Teacher: “[My Name], I see that you’ve been playing with [Friends #1, #2, and #3]. You shouldn’t be playing with them; we will find you new friends.”

Me: “But I like my friends, and all the other kids in class are mean or are into things I’m not interested in.”

Teacher: “Well, if you stop being friends with those girls, then people wouldn’t be mean to you.”

Me: “But my friends are friends with me, no matter who I hang out with. Why should I be friends with people who don’t like me because of who I am friends with?”

Teacher: “[My Name], those girls are Day School children and you’re not. You are one of the brightest students I have, and you shouldn’t be playing with them.”

Me: *looking at my teacher in confusion* “But [Teacher], I’m a child and I go to school during the day. What am I, if not a day school child?”

Teacher: *pauses* “Just go outside and try to make new friends.”

(It took me a while to work out that “day school children” meant kids who were in special ed. By the end of seventh grade, I was no longer friends with most of the girls that I was friends with in fourth grade. Some had changed schools, and some had just drifted naturally into different groups. I’m glad I never took my teacher’s advice to abandon a group of people who had welcomed me with open arms just because my teacher thought they were different than me. I’m now in my 30s and still count one of those girls as one of my closest friends.)

This Pregnancy Thing Is Beginning To Stick

, , , , , , | Romantic | November 12, 2017

(I have just taken a pregnancy test and discovered that I am not expecting. My husband and I are now heading out to the car to go about our day. In the elevator, my shoes make noise.)

Husband: “Did you step in something sticky?”

Me: “No, there’s just something on the floor.”

(I am amused by the sticky noises and start dancing in place, making lots of them. Then I start laughing.)

Me: “Are you sure I’m not pregnant?”

Husband: “I’m sure you’re not mature enough to be pregnant!”

They Can Hop Right To You

, , , , , | Right | November 11, 2017

(I’m taking tickets at the theater. It’s Friday night, so it’s very crowded. As I’m taking tickets, a teenager with a skateboard casually walks past the line, then ducks under the rope and bolts down the hallway, disappearing into one of the theaters.)

Customer: “That guy just snuck past you!”

Me: “I know. Here’s your ticket. Your theater is on the left.”

(He takes his ticket, but stops behind me so he can talk to me while not holding up the line.)

Customer: “Aren’t you going to stop him?”

Me: “I’d chase after him, but then there’d be nobody to help the rest of you get to your movies.”

Customer: “I suppose more people would sneak in, too.”

Me: “That, too. Besides, I’ll catch him once the line dies down and I can get somebody to man the station.”

Customer: “You’re going to find him in a dark theater?”

Me: “I have my ways.”

(I clear the line, signal for one of the other ushers to take over the ticket station for me, and head into the theater. I find the guy immediately. Theater hoppers almost always hide in the back row, even though it makes them stand out if the theater isn’t full, especially since the seats are brighter since they’re closer to the ceiling lights. Not only do I find him, but he’s sitting directly under one of said lights, as if highlighted by a spotlight, with his skateboard resting on the chair next to him.)

Me: “Can I see your ticket, please?”

Theater Hopper: “Uh, I threw it away.”

Me: “Let’s go.”

Theater Hopper: “How’d you find me?”

Me: “Trade secret.”

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