Unfiltered Story #103638

, | Unfiltered | January 13, 2018

Suggested title: “Can” you believe this?

Tags: middle school, crazy requests

(In seventh grade, I was on the student council at my middle school. One of the student council’s duties was to empty the recycling bins around campus. These bins were labeled “water bottles only” in an effort to discourage people from putting non-recyclables inside. One day, i was walking back from a student council meeting with my friend while the student council president emptied bins. “President” was only a title; she had no special privileges or the ability to boss people around. However, she was very rude and bossy despite this. I had finished drinking a juice drink in a metal can and decided to recycle the can as she walked by:)
Me: *throws can into recycling*
President: Hey! What are you doing?
Me: recycling this can?
President: this sign says water bottles only! Is that a water bottle?
Me: no, it’s a recyclable metal can. It says “please recycle” on the side.
President: Well, this sign says you can’t recycle it!
Me: the big cans over there accept metal cans! *points to big cans where recycling bins are emptied into, that accept metal and plastic*
President: THEN TAKE IT OVER THERE!
Me: NOT WHEN YOU’RE ALREADY GOING THERE! IT IS ALL GOING TO LITERALLY THE SAME PLACE!
(This shouting match lasted a few minutes, and mainly consisted of me saying “it’s just a can!” and [President] saying something like, “NO I CAN’T TAKE IT!” Eventually my friend, who had been watching this the whole time:)
Friend: Come on, [my name], it doesn’t matter. Let’s go.
(I left, still angry about the can. I don’t quite remember, but I think it got recycled.)

This Takeout Thing Just Isn’t Taking

, , , | Right | January 12, 2018

(I take a phone order.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Pizza Place]. Do you want takeout or delivery?”

Customer: “Takeout.”

(I take her name, double-check her phone number, and then take her order. I finish up her order and give her a price and the time estimate.)

Me: “Okay, thanks. Goodbye!”

Customer: “Don’t you need my address?”

Me: “Not for takeout, but if you would like to give it to me that will be fine.”

Customer: “Well, you’ll need it when you bring my order.”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry; I thought you wanted take out.”

Customer: “Yes. That means you take it out to my house, right?”

(I guess she thought delivery meant that she delivers herself to the store to pick it up?)

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The Agents Of Your Demise

, , , , | Right | January 11, 2018

Buyer: “We are looking at this house in the paper and we wanted to see it.”

Me: “Great. Can you give me the address? I can see if my buyer’s agent is available to show you the home.”

Buyer: “Well, we don’t want to work with an agent. We just want to see the house. We are planning to swing by it in 15 minutes. Is it unlocked so we can just walk inside?”

Me: *thinking to myself* “Of course, you moron. We always leave our houses unlocked so random people can walk into them at any time.” *speaking out loud* “I’m sorry, but all buyers need to be accompanied by an agent for liability reasons.”

Buyer: “But I don’t want to work with your agents. I just want to see the house.”

Me: *hangs head*

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Dumb As A Rock

, , , , , | Learning | January 11, 2018

(I hear this stupid conversation between two classmates sitting next to me.)

Classmate #1: “We’re going some geology!”

Classmate #2: “Do you even know what that means?”

Classmate #1: “No.”

Classmate #2: “I think it’s the study of life.”

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Lesbians Versus The Devil

, , , , , , , | Right | January 11, 2018

(My husband and I work at a religious supply shop that caters to multiple faiths. Because of this, we often get phone calls that would be considered strange anywhere else.)

Me: *answering phone* “[Store], how can I help you?”

Customer: “Would you pray with me?”

Me: “I’m sorry, but that’s not something I feel comfortable doing. There are so many different faiths and practices, and, in my opinion, prayer is best when personal.”

Customer: “I’m a Satanist.”

Me: “That doesn’t matter to me, sir. I have no problem with Satanists, but am not one myself.”

(Just then the other phone line rings.)

Me: “I’m so sorry, sir; I have another call coming in. Can you please hold?”

(He says yes, and I end up transferring him to my husband. The caller on the other line has a quick question about whether we have an item in stock, so I get to hear my husband’s side of the conversation.)

Husband: “I’m sorry, what were you looking for?!” *pause* “We don’t carry anything like that here.” *pause* “Oh, you want to pray that you’ll find it?” *pause* “Okay, sir, good luck on your search.” *hangs up phone*

Me: “What was that all about?”

Husband: “He’s going to [Nearby City]’s flea market tomorrow, and he was hoping to find ‘big booty lesbian DVDs.’”

Me: “Wait, so he called us to ask if we would be willing to pray for him to find lots of porn at the flea market?!”

Husband: “Big booty lesbian porn!”

Me: “We get the best calls!”

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