All the libraries are closed due to government health guidelines, including locking the book drops since infection can survive on surfaces. Staff are still allowed in to do work like weeding, shifting, etc., but we just got word today that we’re to not return until further notice.

I’m sitting near the book drop — which is built into the building — trying to figure out my telecommuting schedule, when I hear someone trying to open the book drop. There are about five signs in different languages taped OVER it.

Woman’s Voice: “I can’t even open it manually!”

She tries again and laughs nastily.

Woman’s Voice: “Rude!”

When I looked outside before we left, I saw five boxes and at least one bag of books sitting on the ground.

As our school is preparing to shut down for a disease outbreak, the administration is coordinating the transition to distance learning. These are extracts from emails sent ten minutes apart.

Email #1: “As we cannot guarantee access to any campus buildings, please be sure to bring any materials that you will require to continue working home.”

Email #2: “In response to the deluge of questions, the administration would like to ask all staff working in laboratories to please disregard our previous email.”

Email #3: “To further follow up, any objects of study that are not considered part of laboratory research but are too dangerous or physically large to be moved should remain on campus.”

Email #4: “In light of the continued questions, please disregard our previous guidance on working from home. We would now like you to use common sense when deciding what is appropriate to bring with you.”

I am dining at a fancy restaurant for a special occasion. The restaurant is established, Asian-family-owned, and famously does not suffer fools. I overhear a diner who has been obnoxious and entitled all night.

Diner: “Excuse me, waiter! This is ridiculous! I ordered soup, but instead, I got this slop!”

Waiter: “I am sorry, ma’am, but that is the soup you ordered. Is there a problem with the temperature, consistency?”

Diner: “All of it! You’re all useless! I don’t know why this place is so highly recommended! Just you wait until I get you on Yelp!”

Waiter: “Ma’am, I have offered many ways to please you, but I see that you are intent on having this battle today. If this is how you wish to proceed, shall I just forego the other courses and bring you your bill?”

Diner: “How dare you?! You [Asian slur]! Do you even understand English?! Do you understand how serious this is?!”

Waiter: “Ma’am, I—”

Diner: “I am fluent in English! How dare—”

Waiter: “And I can speak fluent b****. Cash or credit?”

I work in a grocery store deli and am helping an older man decide what he should have for dinner.

Me: “I recommended the chicken pot pie because they are delicious and a good meal for one.”

Old Man: “Chicken pot pie? My three favorite things!”

It made me crack up and brightened up the rest of my day.

A customer enters, clearly in a rush.

Me: “Welcome to [Pet Store]. Can I help you find anything?”

Customer: “Nope!”

The customer speed-walks to the farthest aisle. Moments later, the customer returns, speed-walking back toward the exit.

Me: “Did we have what you were looking for?”

Customer: “Nope, you don’t have [Dog Food Brand]. You just lost my business!”

He exited as quickly as he entered. We do have that brand, but he wasn’t even in the dog food aisle!