Beats Hard But Can’t Stick The Landing

, , , , , , , | Working | December 29, 2017

(I am giving a dateless young coworker tips on attracting women. We’re both men.)

Me: “Do all that, and you’ll have the beat them off with a stick!”

Young Coworker: *annoyed* “I’ll beat you off with a stick!”

Me: “Your hand will be fine.”

Stressing Out Over Nothing Is Even Worse For You

, , , , | Friendly | December 28, 2017

(I am a teenager when this event occurs. I am in a grocery store to buy a gift card for a Secret Santa exchange one of my high school classes is doing. I get into line at the register behind a couple in their early thirties. While standing in line, a pair of fellow high school students walk up and blatantly step in line in front of the couple.)

Man: “Hey! What do you think you’re doing?! You can’t just cut in front of us!”

Student #1: *unapologetic* “Oh, right, sorry. I guess we didn’t see you standing there or something.”

(The two students wander off to another checkout line:)

Man: “Teenagers these days! They’re so rude and have absolutely no manners!”

(He continues to rant to the woman next to him about the deficiency of teens today, all the while making it obvious that he is talking loud enough for me to hear and blatantly side-eyeing me as if he expects me to try and cut them as well. I spend the next couple minutes awkwardly ignoring him until I get close enough to place my gift card down on the counter. Note: The gift card is for a well-known chain sandwich place.)

Man: *turning and addressing me directly in a very condescending tone* “You know that [Sandwich Place] is actually very bad for you.”

Me: *calmly, after a couple seconds of surprise* Anything is bad for you if you don’t eat it in moderation. Given a lot of the other food options, I think I made a good choice.”

(The man turned back to finish paying for his groceries before storming off, apparently pissed that he couldn’t get a reaction from me and prove to the world that all teenagers are entitled and rude.)

Unfiltered Story #102201

, , , | Unfiltered | December 28, 2017

((My store has a shipping kiosk where we can accept and send packages through a major shipping company.  I see a customer approach the counter, so I go to help her.))

Me: Need to ship something today, ma’am?

Customer:  Yes, but I’m not sure if I need to cover the box with something or not.  Sometimes [company] will reject a box if there’s print on the outside.

Me:  Oh, that’s no problem. The only time there’s an issue is when the box states it contains something from the list of restricted items.

Customer: Oh, I’m not shipping anything like that! I just wanted to know if my box was okay!

Me:  Err — let me put it this way.  Let’s say you’re shipping cookies, and–

Customer: I’m NOT shipping cookies though!  It’s a bunch of odds and ends I found in my garage!

Me: Ma’am, I was using that as an example.  If, for EXAMPLE, you were shipping cookies, but the BOX said that you were shipping flam–


Me: Okay, not cookies. My POINT is, as long as what is IN the box is okay, you wo–

Customer: Oh, I get it!  If I ship something dangerous, I have to write it on the box so they know!

Me: No, ma’am — you can’t ship dangerous goods at all.  Nothing on our list here can be accepted.

((This goes back and forth for some time, with the customer repeatedly telling me she’s not sure whether or not she’s allowed to use the box she’s provided.  After several minutes – and several more interruptions – I’m finally able to convey to her that only boxes stating things on the “restricted” list were ones we had to worry about.))

Me: So since your box doesn’t say any of those things on it, AND you aren’t shipping any of those things, you’re okay. We can ship this just like it is.

Customer: I ALREADY KNEW THAT.  I just need to know if it’s okay to use this box!

Tis The Season For Manflu

, , , , , , , | Friendly | December 27, 2017

(I had a cold a couple weeks ago and was endlessly relieved when I managed to not to pass it to my boyfriend, but he has managed to catch a different one from one of his coworkers. I’m at work the day after Christmas, a Monday when most people including my partner are off, and commiserating with my “work wife.” He is a man and I am a woman.)

Me: “There’s one advantage to being at work today. [Boyfriend] is definitely sick. At least I don’t have to be home listening to him complain about it.”

Coworker: “Silver lining!”

Me: “Yeah. I mean, you know I love him, but I love him a little less when he’s sick. He’s horrible.”

Coworker: “Whiny?”

Me: “Definitely not stoic at all.”

Coworker: “Well, of course not, sweetie. He’s a guy.” *laughs* “We’re all like that.”

(He’s the first one I’ve met who admits it!)

Hope She Gets A Brain For Christmas

, , , | Right | December 27, 2017

(I work in a grocery store bakery, and today is Christmas Eve, so the store is packed full of customers getting their dinner supplies before we close early. I’m boxing up items for one customer when a second one walks up. She looks at me, looks at my busy coworkers, then turns to the first customer:)

Customer #2: “Excuse me, do you know where [Item] is?”

Customer #1: “Oh. I think it’s on aisle [number].”

(The customer starts walking toward the aisle when she sees the sign above the aisle next to it.)

Customer #2: *angrily* “You said it was on aisle [number], but the sign there says it’s on this one.”

(She finally spotted the item and walked right toward it. Lady, I know we’re stuck in the bakery and don’t know much about the rest of the store, but you still could have tried asking us or looking at the signs in the first place!)