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The Art Of Charming Your Coworkers

, , , , , , | Working | May 11, 2021

On my way into work, I stop at reception to show a friend a drawing I did over the weekend that is saved on my phone.

Receptionist: “Wow, that’s really good. You missed your calling. You should be an artist.”

Me: “I— I am. That’s literally my job here.”

She blushed so quickly I was worried she was going to pass out, but then we both laughed.

Her Brain Was A Little Fried

, , , , , | Working | February 10, 2021

I work in an office tower with a food court, including a well-known burger place that offers multiple side dishes for any meal. I go there right as the place opens one day.

Me: “Can I get a combo number five, with chili as the side instead of fries?”

The cashier rings up everything correctly and double-checks that I mean chili as the side, not as an additional side.

Me: “Yup, as the side, instead of fries. You got it.”

I proceed to pay, thinking everything is fine.

Cashier: “It’ll be two minutes for your fries.”

Me: “Wait, what fries?”

The cashier and I broke into laughter. Clearly, she was on autopilot to start the day. No harm, no foul, just a solid laugh to start lunch.

The Spice Must Flow, This Job Must Blow

, , , , | Right | December 14, 2020

There is a great small food place just across from my work building and I end up loving a specific menu item. It’s basically the only thing I’ve ever ordered there, I love it so much. It’s a noodle and veggie bowl with a spicy red coconut curry soup. The question the cashier asks me, I’ve been asked a few times before this instance, but this time, I have to probe further.

Me: “Hi, I’d like the Yoga Fire bowl, with chicken, please.”

Cashier: “Sure! Have you had it before?”

Me: “Yes.”

Cashier: “So you know it’s a bit spicy?”

Me: “Yes. I have to ask; I’ve been reminded of that a few times over the past few months. Have people actually complained that it’s too spicy?”

Cashier: “Yes, a bunch of people did.”

Me: “But it literally has the word ‘fire’ in its name.”

Cashier: “I know. Some people just… I don’t know.”

Pretty sure anything described with the word “fire,” or even “spicy curry,” should have been clear enough. I guess not!


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Making Some Bad En-Gin Sounds

, , , , , | Right | December 3, 2020

A man enters the store, not wearing a mask. We are not allowed to refuse service to people who won’t wear masks. I am wearing my company-mandated mask as he steps up to my till.

Customer: “Where is the gin?!”

Me: “It’s in the gin section, just behind the liqueurs.”

Customer: “I can’t hear you through the mask!”

I stay right where I am and leave my mask on my face where it is supposed to be.

Me: *Shouting* “IT’S IN THE GIN SECTION, RIGHT BEHIND THE LIQUEURS BEHIND YOU!”

“My Little Pony” Has Some Explaining To Do

, , , , , | Right | November 6, 2020

I work at a kid-oriented barn and petting zoo that offers pony rides.

I am leading a pony named Peaches. Peaches is palomino, which is yellow. I bring Peaches to the lineup of kids waiting for a ride and help the kid riding her down.

The next girl comes up. She doesn’t seem at all frightened of Peaches. Her father lifts her onto the saddle. When they are ready, I begin to lead them around the small fenced-in circle we have set up. Her dad is following beside us to make sure the girl doesn’t fall.

I take about five steps and everything is fine… until this girl starts SCREAMING bloody murder. Peaches is a skittish pony, so I immediately grab her halter and have the dad take the girl before anyone gets hurt.

Dad is holding the girl and she is crying. I think perhaps she got stung by a hornet or pinched by the saddle.

Dad: “What went wrong?”

The little girl looks at him, then me, and then Peaches, and she says, with a completely straight face:

Little Girl: “I won’t ride it! Ponies are supposed to be pink!