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Popcon

, , , , , | Right | October 17, 2010

(A customer walks up, holding a large red bag of popcorn to be refilled.)

Customer: “Hi, could I please get a refill?”

Me: “Did you buy this popcorn today?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Oh, that’s weird, because we stopped selling these popcorn bags a month ago. We have black bags now.”

Customer: “Oh…”


This story is part of the Thieves Getting Caught roundup!

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They Must Have Learned From Vader’s Wheezing Problem

, , , , , | Right | October 13, 2010

(An angry-looking young couple storms into the convenience store.)

Man: “You sell cigarettes?”

Me: “Yes.”

Man: “You smoking b****es!”

Me: “I don’t smoke. I’m not the one that picks out the–”

Woman: “That is f****** illegal!”

Me: “No, actually, it’s not.”

(The woman pulled something out of her purse and wrote a message on it. She slammed it on the counter and she and her husband stormed off. I looked at it later and it was a picture of a Death Star. The message read, “This is coming to get you!”)


This story is part of the Convenience Store roundup!

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Split Over Musical (Price) Differences

, , , , | Right | September 25, 2010

Customer: “Do you have [Popular Album]?”

Me: “Yep. It’s right over here.”

Customer: “That’s expensive.”

Me: “That’s pretty average”

Customer: “I bet [Competitor] is cheaper.”

Me: “I doubt it. We are usually a fair bit cheaper than they are.”

Customer: “I don’t know. I bet they are cheaper.”

Me: “I don’t think they will be, but they are right upstairs if you want to take a peek and come back.  You will see that we are cheaper.”

(The customer leaves and comes back fifteen minutes later with our competitor’s bag.)

Me: “Oh, were they cheaper?”

Customer: “No, they were a lot more expensive. You should really stop recommending that place.”

I Scream Fraud

, , , , , | Right | September 5, 2010

Me: “Hello, welcome to [Ice Cream Department]. How may I help you?”

Customer: *sounding angry* “I just purchased some of your ice cream for my son and now he’s broken out in hives! He has an allergy and all your ingredients should be clearly labelled!”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that. It does say that our ice cream is both peanut and gluten-free, and our ingredients are available upon request, as they vary, depending on the type of ice cream someone orders.”

Customer: “Well, you didn’t tell me that before! And now my son has broken out in hives! This is all your fault!”

Me: “May I ask what your son is allergic to?”

Customer: “Sucrose. I don’t see why this matters.”

Me: *raises eyebrow* “Our ice cream doesn’t contain sucrose.”

(At this point, said customer’s young son walks in, looking perfectly fine and eating his ice cream.)

Customer: *surprised* “I told you to wait outside!” *in a lower voice* “…and out of sight!”


This story is part of our roundup about people lying about their health!

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Criminal Behavior

, , , , , | Right | August 9, 2010

(For eleven days each summer, Calgary goes a bit crazy with The Stampede. Businesses are decorated in Old West themes, and our bank is no exception. For the occasion, we print up ‘Wanted Dead or Alive’ posters featuring our manager and certain tellers and plaster them around the lobby. A customer walks in, looks at the posters, looks around in alarm at our bank manager, and then sidles up to my line.)

Customer: “Are you all right? I know you can’t talk, but do you want me to call 911?”

Me: “What’s the problem, ma’am?”

Customer: “Are they holding you hostage?”

Me: “Who?”

Customer: “Them!” *gestures at my bank manager*

Me: Oh, ma’am, they’re not criminals; they’re regular staff. This is Stampede!”

Customer: “You shouldn’t put up posters like that. It’s like yelling ‘Fire!’ in a movie theater!”


This story is part of the More Clueless Tourists roundup!

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